


A Different World  {Part One}

by Nightbreed



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, NWSL - Fandom, U. S. W. N. T., USWNT - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Attempted Murder, Attempted Sexual Assault, Coming Out, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, First Love, First Time, Football | Soccer, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Realizing you're gay, krashlyn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2020-10-06 00:10:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 57,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20497664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightbreed/pseuds/Nightbreed
Summary: Ash and Ali are high school students from the wrong side of town. Fate seems to put the two enemies in the path of one another forcing them to decide what happens next.





	1. (Keep Feeling) Fascination

August and most of September is always so damn hot. It's humid, sticky and the air at times feels too thick to breathe. Factor in the running up and down the field for two hours and when all is said and done, it makes you not want to do another damn thing the rest of the day. Lying on her back as the surfboard bobbed gently, the water was calm and serene. The inlet kept any major wave activity to a minimum, so it was usually quiet. The less people the better. Ashlyn had her hands behind her head and her legs dangling in the water. Her eyes grew heavy and when she realized she'd nodded off, she rolled herself into the water. If she was exhausted enough to fall asleep on her surfboard in the ocean then it was time to head in. The sun had long dipped below the horizon turning the sky a mystic purple and blue. She hated to go home.

Pulling the velcro safety off, she tossed it aside and sat on a pier piling that had fallen halfway under the wooden walk. It was out of sight so the beach patrol wouldn’t spot her from the shoreline. They loved to chase kids away from having a bonfire or any other activity that would have them enjoying themselves.

Reluctantly standing, she grabbed her board and made her way up onto the walkway and down the street. As she approached her house, she heard loud yelling and screaming that could only mean one thing. The drinking had started early tonight.

Taking a deep breath, Ashlyn pulled her long blonde hair up into a pony tail and looped it through again so it wouldn’t hang so long. Taking her board, she quietly slipped around the back of the house in the hopes she could get past anyone without getting involved.

She stepped inside the back-screen door and cautiously let it close slowly to avoid the snap of it hitting the door frame. Before she could turn, she jumped at the sound of a loud crack in the other room followed by a group of men yelling their approval. So it was a party, a football game, another reason to gather and make noise. She hated that her house was known for being ‘that house’ where the police were called one a week, fights broke out regularly, and you could probably score a dime bag if you knew the right connection.

Silently opening the refrigerator door, she peered inside. She didn’t know why she bothered to look other than the fact that she was really hungry. Half frown, half disappointed in her expectation, she closed the door and turned. Running her face against a man about 6 inches taller than her, she rubbed her nose to dissipate the sweaty smell of the dingy white tee shirt her face had brushed against.

Looking up and at his unshaven face, he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and blew smoke down at her. “Happy Birthday, kid.”

Stepping aside, she mumbled, “Thanks.”

“Wanna celebrate?” His voice was deep and filled with inuendo. Ashlyn immediately looked away.

Quickly rounding the corner, she took hasty steps down the hallway to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. It was easier to not bother correcting him, arguing or caring as long as he didn’t touch her.

Standing against the door quietly, she listened. It didn’t sound like he’d followed her. Taking her baseball bat and propping it under the doorknob, she knew it wouldn’t hold but it might at least give her enough warning so she could get out this time.

The first day of her senior year started tomorrow and she wanted nothing more than to get some sleep.

* * *

Coasting down the slope on the custom skateboard, Ashlyn kicked it up when she reached the corner. Pulling her backpack open, she reached inside for her hat when she stumbled into someone. Ali, that girl she couldn’t stand, with the long dark hair turned and sneered at her, “Walk much?”

Rolling her eyes, Ashlyn stepped around her, “Blow me.”

After taking a few rushed steps, she glanced back to see the girl had looked back at her too before she returned her flirtation with some jocular specimen. She was always hanging on the arm of some guy. Ashlyn had passed her on more than one occasion where she was lip locked in the courtyard with the flavor of the week.

Ashlyn had the same reputation Ali had but for different reasons. Ali was pretty, from the wrong side of town and threw it out there for the world to see. Ashlyn was poor, from the worst neighborhood and people assumed that her looks made her easy because of her upbringing.

Walking into the first class, Ashlyn was already annoyed. Sitting down in the chair she came across first, she set her bag down. The bell rang and people scurried to their seat.

Handing out the syllabus for the semester, the teacher reminded, “If you don’t turn in your weekly assignment, you have a zero for the week. No exceptions. Lateness will not be tolerated. This isn’t a McDonald’s drive thru.” Obligatory groaning commenced until the door to the classroom opened abruptly. Everyone stopped and stared at the girl standing in the doorway. Smiling brightly, Ali waved, “hi,” and cocked her head a little to the side as she twirled her hair. Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

The teacher nodded, “Miss Kreiger, class begins at eight am, please make a note of it for next time.” Waving her in, he added, “Now take a seat.” When Ali met Ashlyn’s eyes, they narrowed a bit realizing he’d waved her to the chair beside her. Ali smiled back to the teacher and made her way to the chair. Before she sat down, she whipped her hair around quickly and made sure she swiped it at Ashlyn’s face.

Throwing her hand up to block it, Ash whispered, “Cow.”

Smiling at Ashlyn, Ali returned, “Cockroach.”

That last comment stung. Last year, a large bug crawled out of Ashlyn’s bag and the nickname stuck around for a while. Glaring over at the brunette, she looked away when Ali gave her a sarcastic wink. It was going to be a long year.


	2. Talk About The Passion

Sitting on the table of the picnic bench in the farthest corner of the quad, Ashlyn sat eating an apple that sat alone long after the lunch session had ended. Her feet planted on the bench, she had tucked herself on the end of the table to draw less attention to herself as most of the dismissal bells rang and different classes were released. Small groups walked by slowly, some talking in loud animated voices, other in low whispered conversation that made Ashlyn follow them with her eyes suspiciously as they passed her.

On the other side of the courtyard, she could see Ali was sitting on the edge of a table attached at the lips to one of the wrestling muscle heads. Taking another quick bite of her apple, her mouth half curled in a disapproving smirk. She started to shake her head when something made her look over again. Curt and Ali were kissing, something she’d seen the brunette do a thousand times before. But Ashlyn noticed from this angle, she could see Ali’s body language. It didn’t seem to match what she originally thought she was watching. Curt’s body was opened up, his legs were set apart, and he was holding her waist with his hands and leaning into the disgustingly sloppy kisses he was painting on her. She could even see him pulling on her body to try and get closer against her. Ali, on the other hand, had her body closed up, legs together and pointed to the complete left side of his body. The most curious thing she noticed, were that Ali’s hands, pressed low against his chest almost keeping him at a safe distance. Nothing about the scenario said that Ali wanted to be sitting there kissing him, let alone anywhere near him.

Looking down at the apple, she inspected it thoroughly to make sure she hadn’t missed anything. Tossing the skeleton of the apple core into the closest trash can, she stepped down from the bench and picked up her backpack. Slinging it over her shoulder, she took another look across the courtyard. Ali and Curt seemed to be having a conversation now that involved a lot of the brunette shaking her head no.

Looking up at the cloudy sky, Ashlyn knew it would be rough waters. Dropping her skateboard to the ground, she stepped up on it and pushed off slowly. She hated to go to that house.

* * *

By the time she reached her street, she saw a police car sitting out front with the lights on. Quickly jumping off her board, she picked it up and stood behind the fence on the corner. It looked like a couple of the guys who hung out with her parents had an altercation. They were all standing on the lawn in an attempt to sort it out. When another police car pulled up, Ashlyn turned around and dropped her board in the street. If she walked up to the house now, not knowing what was happening, there was a good chance she’d end up in foster care or spending the night at the juvenile center for placement. She was still a minor for another 2 months. It was wasn’t worth the hassle tonight.

She’d been able to avoid most of the drama by just staying away from the house. If the police didn’t see a kid or know that she was around, they usually didn’t question her whereabouts. Sometimes that left her in the lurch when they ended up arresting everyone. When the coast was clear, she’d go home to an empty house not knowing when the next time she’d even see anyone. Her brother had disappeared 4 months ago. He couldn’t take the bullshit. Early in the spring, Ashlyn came home to a trashed living room with overturned furniture and never saw anyone again until almost 2 weeks later when her mother surfaced looking stoned and hungover. At that point, when she showed up, she passed out for 2 days. Jumping on her board, she headed in the opposite direction.

* * *

When Ashlyn reached the shoreline, she picked up her board and carried it with her to the pier. She sat on the edge and let her legs hang over watching the white caps break over the horizon. She was really tired. She never imagined she’d be so tired at 17. Most nights, her head was numb from the music playing two rooms away into the pre-dawn hours, the loud partying that almost always spiraled out of control and more importantly, the thinking about how she was going to save herself from herself.

Ashlyn had another week left on her suspension from athletics at school. The random drug test they did on her came up hot for marijuana and they kicked her off the soccer team for the spring session. The college recruiter said she hadn’t blown her chances at a scholarship yet but she needed to keep her nose clean until graduation or she couldn’t promise a thing. Nobody was going to gamble on a discipline problem or an athlete with a drug problem. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t smoked weed. It didn’t matter that it happened because there was an almost perpetual smoke cloud hanging in her house at any given time. It was just another one of those things that she had to deal with by staying out of the environment.

Hopefully, the end of next week, she’d rejoin the squad for practices and kill the fall season. She had to. When Ashlyn heard voices, she looked back along the pier. She didn’t see anyone walking out along the boards or on the beach. When the voices seemed to be getting loud, Ash laid down on her stomach, hung over the edge and peered under the decking. Between the pilings and the shadows under the boards, she could see two figures. They were further up under the pier closer to the shore where it was darker and there was no water.

Pushing herself to her feet and walking on the boardwalk back to the shoreline, she listened again. Nothing. Taking a hold of the railing with both hands and swinging herself down, she dropped the four feet to the ground. Once she was under the wooden planks, she could hear the dull echo of the ocean behind her. She could also hear Ali saying, “No! Stop!”

Walking in the direction she’d heard them, Ashlyn started to run closer when she heard a smack of skin on skin and a scream for someone to stop. Racing around the thick piling against the rock wall, Ashlyn almost stumbled into Jeff, the starting quarterback for their football team.

He threw his hand out in defense when she came into sight and then laughed, “Oh, hey, Harris.” The look on his face was very contented with himself as always. He had the scruff of Ali’s tee shirt balled in his fist tightly as he held her by it at arm’s length.

“Whatcha doin,” she asked. Her eyes darting from Jeff, to a frightened Ali, to the boner that was pressing against his jeans.

“Just having a little fun.” He looked over at Ali whose face was red with embarrassment and tear streaked. “She owes me a little something.”

Thinking quickly, Ashlyn congratulated, “Hey, man, nice starting gig.” She reached her hand out and they exchanged some sort of jocular handshake that ended with a fist bump.

Before he could get distracted again, she asked, “Tonight’s that big bonfire, right? Whew! You’re gonna have your pick of the litter this year when they announce you.” Leaning in and mentioning it mater-of-factly, as if it was a secret, Ash said, “They bring out the cheerleaders and they crown you King tonight, don’t they?” Jeff let go his grip on Ali’s shirt. “Shit, you’re right!”

To create more of a panic, Ash looked at her phone, “ Your buddies throwing down at ‘Mac’s’ afterward?”

Nodding, Jeff thought about his epic evening plans. “We got a couple kegs primed. You should come by Harris. We’re going to take ‘state’ this year. All the way!” As he declared their premature victory, he shared another handshake with Ashlyn before glancing over at Ali with disinterest. “I gotta go. Check you later, Harris.”

“Later,” she called back as he took off down the beach.

Ashlyn looked at Ali’s ripped shirt that was torn around the collar and her cheek where he had hit her. They were standing a few feet apart from each other, frozen in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of them knew what to say, which was fine because neither of them wanted to speak.

Ashlyn’s gaze wandered to red marks around the girl’s neck that displayed the struggle that had occurred. Another few minutes and she would have been another statistic. The severity of that statistic would depend on the level of steroids the teenager had coursing through his body that night.

Finally raising her eyebrows a little, Ash took in a breath and said, “Here.” Pulling her sweatshirt up and over her head, she handed it to Ali. When she held her hands up to protest, Ashlyn pulled it over her head and continued, “It’s cold and you can’t walk home looking like that. It invites trouble.”

Pushing her arms through the sleeves, Ali pulled it down around her and past her waist. Ashlyn was a couple inches taller and had a couple pounds on her. The garment was big and roomy.

Ali was looking down at herself embarrassed. When she looked back up at Ashlyn, she nodded slightly, “Thanks.” The gravity of what had happened weighing on her now, she was on the verge of tears. Ashlyn noticed the sand on the knees of her jeans and leaned over to brush it off.

Shaking her legs to loosen the sticky grains, she brushed off the opposite leg. When Ashlyn ran a hand over her face to avoid looking at Ali’s reddened cheeks, the brunette whispered, “I didn’t.”

The blonde shrugged matter-of-factly to avoid giving her a response and Ali added, “I don’t go around blowing guys.” She quickly pulled the sleeves of the sweatshirt down over her hands to hide her feelings.

“Where do you live, I’ll walk you home. It’s getting dark.”

Peering out at the darkened sky from under the boardwalk, Ali shook her head, “He was going to really hurt me.”

Taking a few steps out from under the covering, Ashlyn nodded, “Yeah.” Neither of the girls could look at the other. Ali followed Ash out from under the pier and stood beside her watching the water. The breeze was warm but there was a chill coming off the water that made her shiver.

Distant voices echoed down the beach that surrounded a bonfire. The flames were still low and the amount of people would surely increase as the night fell. Turning, Ashlyn called after her, “C’mon. Let’s get out of here. It’s not safe.”

Following Ashlyn for a few steps, Ali glanced down the beach. Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she looked up at Ashlyn. Putting her own hand over the blonde’s, she met her light eyes and nodded again, “Thank you.” Ali had collected herself and summoned the courage to manage an expression of gratitude. Ashlyn could only see highlights of her face illuminated from the glow of the lone streetlight behind them.

The brunette didn’t smile but it was the first honest expression she’d ever seen her display. Her brown eyes housed a lot of pain that Ashlyn never noticed before. She realized Ali never really made eye contact with her for that long.

Then, suddenly, her expression changed a little. Her face softened and she tilted her head as if in thought. The relaxed gesture disarmed Ashlyn’s guard. Taking a couple steps, she reached for Ali’s hand, “Cow,” she whispered.

Taking her offered hand lightly, Ali followed beside her, “Cockroach.”

Ashlyn didn’t really mind the nickname all that much.


	3. I Just Wanna Be Your Everything

Ashlyn walked a step ahead of Ali who she pulled along as she precariously balanced on her skateboard. Ali had a finger curled through one of Ashlyn’s beltloops and her other hand on her waist. It had taken some convincing, but Ali caught on quickly and directed the board to follow along in the direction they moved. Riding along Jackson Avenue, they avoided passing on the side of the high school.

Stopping, Ashlyn asked, “You live on the Air Force Base?”

“Not exactly.” Stepping down off the skateboard, she said, “We’re close enough.”

The wind had whipped up in the night and pushed Ali’s hair all over the place and constantly in her face which made her try to tuck it back behind her ear. Taking her cap off her head and putting on Ali’s, she asked, “So then which way?”

Adjusting the cap, Ali met Ashlyn’s curious eyes. Finally, she confessed, “I don’t want to go home. Let’s get something to eat?” When she took a couple steps, she looked back at Ashlyn who was still standing on the curb. “C’mon. We can talk a little.”

Popping the board up and catching it with her hand, Ashlyn liked the though of being able to sit and chat with Ali. She didn’t, however, like the thought that she had no money to pay for anything.

Almost on cue, Ali offered, “My treat. For my hero.” She smiled for the first time in a real way that caught the blonde off guard. Coming back to the curb and taking Ashlyn’s hand, their eyes locked for a brief moment, and she pulled her along with her across the street to the little pizza place.

Sitting at a table across from each other, it was warm and smelled of mouthwatering dishes that made Ashlyn’s stomach growl. The sound was loud enough that when Ali heard it, she giggled in a way that made Ashlyn blush. The brunette crinkled up her nose and leaned across the table to whisper, “Mine just did the same thing. I didn’t eat today.”

Ali set Ashlyn at ease almost immediately. She was relaxed and started asking her questions that she would have been totally open to answering had she been able to focus. Somewhere between her saying she hadn’t eaten and her blank stare waiting for a response, Ashlyn had lost track. She’d noticed under the lights in the restaurant how her eyes had a sparkle to them. She fiddled with her slender fingers nervously as she pulled her long hair off her shoulders and then tucked her hands back up into the sleeves of the sweatshirt. It was around that time she realized she was looking at Ali’s mouth as she spoke.

Quickly looking up, Ashlyn asked, “What? I mean….Sorry, what?”

Scrunching her face to break up her smile, Ali said, “You’re weird.”

Giving the brunette a narrow side glance, Ashlyn curled her lips a little. It sparked an unplanned touché response that disarmed Ali’s confidence. Suddenly the brunette found herself searching for words her mouth couldn’t form. Now it was Ali who had lowered her head a bit to peer at Ashlyn as she studied her features carefully.

When a waitress approached the table, they both looked up with blank stares.

“What’ll it be, kids?”

When they both had no answer, she pointed, “We have a two cheesesteaks, two slice and two drinks special tonight.”

Ali looked to Ashlyn and asked, “Cheesesteaks?”

Nodding, she agreed, “Great.”

Scribbling down the order, she asked, “Cokes?”

Ali nodded for the both of them. Following the path the waitress walked back to behind the counter, Ali’s stare lingered. Glancing over, Ashlyn watched the waitress for a moment and then looked back to Ali watching her. The woman brought back the drinks and set them down at the table. She stole a quick look over to Ali and asked, “Anything else right now girls?”

Quickly shaking her head, Ali said, “No, thanks.”

When the woman had returned to behind the counter, she returned her attention to Ashlyn, “I asked if you played soccer.” Running her hand over the sweatshirt she’d given Ali to wear, she smiled, “I’m guessing.”

“Good guess.” Ash confirmed. “Goalie.”

Her hands displaying an impressed silent clap in the air, she lowered her voice, “You’re rough.” Her eyes immediately went to Ash’s hands. She studied them before looking back up to meet her eyes, “Have you been playing long?”

“Maybe ten years,” she explained. Her quick assessment and response made Ashlyn curious. “Do you play?”

Sitting back in the chair, Ali answered, “I used to. For quite a while actually.” Her shoulders fell as she seemed to think reminiscently. The waitress brought over the pizza slices and said, “Sandwiches will be up in a minute.”

When the waitress and Ali shared another look, Ashlyn waited a minute before asking, “Ok, what’s with the waitress?”

Picking up the slice and pulling some cheese off to nibble at it, Ali licked her fingers and off handedly responded, “What’s what? That’s my mother.”

Quickly looking over, she noticed the similar features. When she looked back to Ali, she had taken a bite and not even a second thought about the statement occurred to her. When Ali met Ashlyn’s curious eyes, she asked, “Are you a senior?”

Nodding, Ashlyn asked, “You’re not?”

“I’m a junior. I'm only 16. Summer birthday and all. I could have been but I started the next school year.”

Taking a long swig of the soda, the cold sweet drink pulled her attention to the food in front of her now that the waitress had brought out the sandwiches.

As the two ate, they asked each other simple questions about how they spent their time. Ashlyn was starving, and even though she thought she was trying to take her time, she found herself devouring the food. Which is why when she noticed Ali had already finished everything in front of her, she was shocked. Her mouth full of food as Ashlyn watched her chew, Ali blushed and laughed at herself. Holding a hand up to cover her mouth, she chewed until she could get out her rationale, “I told you I was starving.”

When Ashlyn laughed back, she held her hands up in the silent golf clap, “Nicely done.”

Feigning a bow while seated at the table, Ali wiped her mouth with the napkin nervously. She watched Ashlyn take her last bit of cheesesteak and cocked her head to the side a little. She had something to say. Ashlyn tried not to stare but it wasn’t easy. All she wanted to do was stare. When she saw Ali struggling with something, she appeared to distract herself with her soda straw.

Ali looked around them to make sure there weren’t any people listening to their conversation. She leaned closer across the table and waited for Ashlyn to look up at her. “I’m not a whore. “

The statement took Ashlyn by surprise. Putting her hand to her chest to protest, she started shaking her head, “I didn’t say that you….”

Lowering her head to interrupt and keep their voices down, Ali continued, “I’m not accusing.”

She had more to say, she was just figuring out how. “It’s been a way to protect myself. If you make out with them for a while, they’re friendly and nobody gives me shit.”

Ashlyn held her gaze but didn’t respond. Ali said what they were both thinking, “Until tonight.” She looked down into her lap and lowered her voice even more. “I knew when he took me there, I was in trouble. He was supposed to take me home.”

“I never go anywhere with anybody. I’m too old to be doing this.” She laughed and rolled her eyes, “As soon as you develop tits, shit gets real.”

Ashlyn smiled halfway.

I stopped wearing shorts altogether around the house. Last summer, my ‘uncle’ grabbed my ass at a BBQ and my mother got mad at me for some reason. I don’t like being there alone. She works double shifts all the time…” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “There're too many 'friends' around all the time.”

Her posture had stiffened and she seemed to catch a chill.

Ashlyn nodded to make her feel comfortable, “I have a lot of ‘uncles’ too. When I get home I try to avoid the whole thing.”

Ali met the blonde’s eyes and held them for a long time. She was evaluating whether Ashlyn was fucking with her or not. The reason she recognized the suspicion in her eyes is because that’s exactly what she’d be doing. Ashlyn decided to give up her analysis, “I could tell there was something not right with the picture.”

Ali snapped her head up quickly, “What do you mean?”

Holding up a hand, Ash shook her head, “Not in a bad way. I just mean, I could tell you weren’t really interested in any of those guys.”

“Oh.”

Silent for a while, Ashlyn asked, “Would you rather I not take you home?”

Stealing a glance in her mother’s direction, Ali reached for Ashlyn’s hand as an apologetic gesture, “You understand, then?”

Waiting impatiently, she seemed pained until Ashlyn smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

Letting go of her hand, she reached for her soda when the waitress came back and asked if they needed anything else. Ali looked up and shook her head, “No, thank you.”

The woman cleared away the trash and plates and said, “Alright then, you have a good night ladies.”

Looking back to Ash, Ali smiled. Her soft features were becoming more natural the more time they spent talking.

“When does the fall season start?”

Ashlyn explained, “Next week I start practicing with the team. I need to get some work in at the net before then.”

Thinking for a minute, Ali asked, “Do you want me to fire some in at you? It’s the least I could do.”

“So let me get this straight, you wouldn’t mind kicking soccer balls at my head for a couple hours?”

Ali nodded, “It sounds like my dream Saturday. Besides, I owe you.”

“Alright. But don’t I owe you for dinner?”

Watching a large overweight man in the back by the ovens, she shook her head, “It’s all good. It’s one of my ‘uncle’s’ place’s.”

As the two stood outside the pizza shop, Ashlyn wished she was making sure that Ali was getting home safely. Before she could approach the topic, Ali suddenly leaned in so closely to Ashlyn that she could smell some subtle scent that mixed with her own essence. Ashlyn closed her eyes when she thought Ali was going to kiss her. Feeling her reach around her waist, she felt Ali pull her phone out of her back pocket. When she opened her eyes, she watched Ali plug her cell phone number into the phone. “I’ll text you when I make it home, alright?”

Ali could have asked her if she wanted to eat live snails for dinner at this point and she would have still nodded yes.

Handing her back her phone, she smiled and hesitated. Was it all in her head or was she waiting for Ashlyn to do something? Before she could make a decision, Ali took a step further back and smiled with bright shining eyes, “Goodnight.”

Ashlyn waved and was able to get out a firm, “Night.” She smiled and watched Ali cross the street.


	4. Smack My Bitch Up

Once Ashlyn had reached her corner, she stood in the shadow beside the streetlight glare watching her house for a moment. It appeared to be dark and there didn’t seem to be any activity to suggest she should not go home. Taking a stride on her skateboard, she slowly rolled closer, watching out for anything out of the ordinary. When she reached her front fence, she stood listening. The quiet was eerie.

Walking up the front steps, she scanned the porch and saw a case worth of empties scattered around. Shaking her head, she pushed open the front door that was already slightly ajar. She walked a few steps in the living room and stood listening again. Flipping on the light switch, the lamp flickered before staying lit. It didn’t look like anyone was home. Turning the lamp off, she made her way down the dim hallway to her bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she set her board and her bag down and sat on the edge of the bed.

The day’s events had all but exhausted her. The whole week had been more than enough to overwhelm her mind and body. When she thought about the altercation under the pier, she shook her head to herself. She still couldn’t believe that whole thing took place. Ali came dangerously close to getting hurt badly.

Ashlyn had been cool with most of the jocks because of her athletics. They didn’t mind having her on their team during gym and she mainly kept it casual. She figured that was her protection. They didn’t see her as the object that Ali had made herself out to be.

Kicking off her shoes, she thought about the great lengths Ali had gone to protect herself. Her hands behind her head, lying on her back, Ashlyn closed her eyes and thought about how the girl was absolutely nothing like she’d imagined. She was just as insecure and seemed to have the same home situation which was turbulent. The one thing that seemed to draw Ashlyn in, though, was her unfettered personality. She had no problem talking about how she felt, what she wanted or anything that she happened to have an opinion about.

Ashlyn erred on the side of caution. She held her tongue in reserve more often than not for fear of taking a beating. It had started out with slaps on the face when she would have a smart mouth or a sarcastic response to any of the ‘riff raff’ that would come through the house. After a while, the slaps turned into punches. The worst mistake that Ashlyn had made in her young life was the day she decided to punch back.

She was making her way through the kitchen after a game. She was hot, sweaty, and just wanted to get to her room. The kitchen was filled with smoke, the stench of alcohol, known and unknown faces that either smiled, nodded or just plain stood in her way. When she tried to step around a couple blocking the hallway, she felt someone put their hands on her hips and pull her back. Caught off guard, she was leaned back on someone’s lap to sit. They had wrapped their arms around her chest tightly and she could feel their erection pressing into her.

When she tried to break away, she stomped her foot down against his shin and fell to the floor when he yelped in pain. As she pushed herself to her feet, someone grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to her feet. Her father held her at arm’s length and growled at her, “What the fuck are you doing?” His breath was stale and sour at the same time.

The man that had grabbed her barked, “Little bitch kicked me…” Still massaging his leg, he smacked her face with the back of his hand.

“Tell him you’re sorry,“ her father jerked on her arm as he prodded her.

Pushing away from him, she wiped her tear streaked face with the back of her hand. “Get off me,” she cried as she swatted back at the man who’d hit her. Grabbing her wrist, the man held it over her head and asked her father, “Don’t you have any control over your kid?”

When her father’s eyes then met with Ashlyn’s, it was already too late to duck out of the way. He’d thrown a punch at her face that popped her squarely in the nose. Her head snapped back and she fell backwards onto the floor. For a moment, her eyes watering from the impact, she was stunned. She sat up, shook her head and wiped away the blood that ran down her chin.

Holding her hand out in front of her, she looked at the blood on her hand. She could hear the laughter and taunting the altercation had created between her father and the man who’d hit her. Seemingly forgotten about on the carpet, Ashlyn felt a rage that had welled up from inside her and took control. She sprang to her feet and before she could stop herself, she took her balled up fist and used it to punch her father on the side of the head.

When he turned, he grabbed her by the collar of her shirt and punched her so hard in the solar plexus that she immediately vomited while she was doubled over on her hands and knees trying to catch her breath.

She remembers being pulled up by her hair when her mother came into the room. She grabbed a fistful and yanked her to her feet. When she saw her daughter’s face, she pushed her away from her and slurred out, “Go’ne and get to bed.” She stumbled past them while her mother started to argue with the men about starting a fight in the house.

Tearing her from her thoughts, Ashlyn heard her cell phone chime. When she saw the screen, she smiled and let out an audible laugh. Ali had put her nickname into her phone:

Cow: i made it home 😉

Ash: LOL

Cow: whats so funny

Ashlyn could see the pseudo confused face that Ali would be giving her and it made her laugh again. With a huge grin on her face, she tried to stifle the reaction as if Ali could see her.

Ash: good 2 know, i was getting worried

Cow: we never set a time tmrw

Ash: u mind early, say 8, before it gets too hot

Cow: ur the boss applesauce

Cow: 😊 see u then

Ashlyn read and reread the conversation between them until her eyes grew so heavy that she closed them and fell asleep without realizing she’d done so.


	5. Secretly

Ashlyn carried her board under her arm as she walked across the field. Dropping her board and her pack behind the net, she started to stretch. Lying on her back in the grass, she started thinking about her interaction with Ali again. Jeff was definitely an asshole but she couldn’t believe he would actually force a girl to give him a blow job under the piers. As she shook her head to herself, she wondered if Ali had dated him too. When she thought about it, she’d seen her with quite a lot of the athletes. She assumed the higher the profile, the safer she’d be to throw around a name if she needed it. However, now that she’d crossed Jeff, she could be in for some trouble if he wanted to give it to her. It would depend on how deep his attention span reached.

Sitting up, could feel the heat from the sun on her face already. Reaching for her bag, she pulled out her soccer ball and started to work with it around the field. When she’d built up enough of a sweat, she pulled her tee shirt up over her head and wiped her face with it. The sports bra underneath provided some relief from the heat. Tossing the tee shirt on the grass, she started an easy run around the field to loosen up.

At this point, her mind began to wander to what had happened to Ali. It hadn’t crossed her mind that Ali wouldn’t show but considering last night’s events, she worried that it was because something had happened. Stopping at the far end of the field, she threw her hands out in frustration. She didn’t even know where the girl lived if she’d wanted to check.

Sitting beside her bag on the bench, Ashlyn pulled out her cell phone to check the time. When she saw she had a message, she realized if was from over an hour ago.

Cow: can u meet me at the pier

Ash: r u still there

Setting her phone beside her, she picked up her shirt and pulled it over her head. Before she could pull it down, it chimed with a response.

Cow: yes

Ash: ill b right there

Before she put her phone away, she changed the contact name to reflect ‘Ali’.

By the time she reached the pier, she was out of breath and her mind was racing. She stood at the edge of the road and glanced out on the dock. She looked back and forth along the beach and Ali was nowhere to be found. Ashlyn felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to think that Ali was under the boards again. Shielding her face from the sun, she scanned the beach again, hoping to see Ali was sitting somewhere that she’d missed the first time.

Dropping her hand to her side, she looked to the footpath that led under the boards. She stared long and hard before she took a few steps closer. Standing at the top of the path on the rocks, Ashlyn peered under but couldn’t see any movement. Looking down the beach again and at the street around her, she jumped down around the rocks and followed the path to the sand.

Dropping her bag and her board, she immediately saw Ali sitting on the largest flat rock with her knees pulled up to her chest. Ali either heard or saw her coming and had dropped her legs back down and let them hang over the edge.

She was wearing the same clothes as the night before with the exception of the freshly split lip. She held Ashlyn’s baseball cap tightly in her lap. All of her brown hair fell over her shoulders and around her loosely.

When Ashlyn reached her side, she tried to look up several times before quickly dropping her eyes back to the hat in her lap. She opened her mouth to try to say something but stopped when she didn’t trust herself with holding back tears.

She took a frustrated breath and her face strained to keep her composure.

Ashlyn put a hand on her shoulder gently, raising her other hand out defensively when Ali flinched a little at the action. Her slender fingers working nervously in her lap, she mumbled, “I really wanted to kick soccer balls at your head.” She kept trying to make eye contact but would look away before it could happen. She was trying to smile. “It hurts too much,” she apologized. Tears started to fall from the corners of her eyes and she let out a breath.

Climbing up onto the rock to sit beside Ali, Ashlyn wanted her to know she could trust her presence. She was still feverishly running her fingers back and forth over the brim of the baseball hat resting in her lap. Laying her hand on top of Ali’s cold hands, she felt her shivering. When they finally connected, Ashlyn looked into her red, swollen eyes that were heavy from sleep deprivation.

“I thought you went home?”

Ali bowed her head. “I did.”

“But you were late.” Ashlyn realized. “Is that why you asked Jeff to drive you?”

Ali nodded.

“Is that why your mother was giving you those looks?”

Nodding again, Ali whispered, “I knew I was in for it before we’d even stopped here yesterday.”

“Did you stay out here all night?”

Again, Ali nodded.

“Alright,” jumping down from the rock, Ash took her cold hands into hers, “Let’s go. We’ll go to my house, get you cleaned up. You can take a break.”

Before she could protest, Ash tugged at her waist. Cringing from the pain, Ali squeezed her eyes closed and bit her bottom lip to avoid crying out. Putting her hands up, Ashlyn quickly asked, “What?”

Ali’s face became red and flushed. Beads of perspiration broke out on her forehead and she let out an uneasy breath before meeting Ashlyn’s concerned hazel eyes. “It hurts,” she whispered.

Wiping her own forehead, she turned and began working her way off the rock very gingerly. As she lowered herself over the edge, she found her footing and climbed down the few feet that Ashlyn had jumped. It was then that Ash noticed the streaks of blood that ran across the seat of Ali’s jeans.

When she finally turned, she sighed. “I’m sorry about today. I was looking forward to playing again.”

Ashlyn was done with the tap dance, “Ali, what did he do to you?”

Making sure to maintain direct eye contact with Ashlyn, Ali blurted out, “He likes to whip me with an old TV wire.” Although her face changed three different shades of embarrassment, she still challenged Ashlyn’s stare more out of defiance and stubbornness. She knew it wasn’t directed at her but was more likely her way of standing her ground and showing no fear. She refused to show any emotion toward the words she’d spoken.

Ashlyn looked away first. She picked up her things and nodded, “Come on, let’s go.”

At this point, Ash knew that one of two things were going to happen. Ali was either going to run out of embarrassment and that would be the last she saw her or she would walk back to her house with her because she had been so beaten down that she had no other options anymore.

Ashlyn remembered being filled with anger and embarrassment. She’d run from more people than she could count. As Ali followed Ashlyn, she knew the girl had been through hell. Her resolve to accept whatever fate Jeff would have placed on her last night spoke volumes. She was still looking for a way out by letting something just happen to her.

The two walked slowly, side by side. When Ali reached over and took Ashlyn’s board from her, she let her. She dropped it on the ground and pushed off once to get it going. Then she curled her fingers around Ashlyn’s waistband so she could pull her again. Ali balanced herself until Ashlyn reached the corner of a cross road stop sign where she stopped.

Taking Ali’s hand, she helped her down and picked up the board. She used her arm to guide Ali behind her out of sight as she peered around the corner. Running her hand back through her long brown hair, Ali put the cap on her head backwards so she could watch whatever Ashlyn was watching.

Looking back at Ali, Ash nodded, “It’s ok. Nobody’s there.”

Following the blonde across the street, she noticed all the same things she had at her own place: stray beer cans, broken furniture and assorted trash. Before opening the front door, she dropped her board on the porch and took Ali’s hand again. They moved through the dimly lit house together with Ali stepping over obstacles that Ashlyn had done a few steps before her.

Ali could smell the stale air that was thick with cigarette smoke, alcohol, sweat and weed. Once inside Ashlyn’s bedroom, the door closed and the air became lighter. It smelled of freshly cut grass and was sweet like lemonade. It felt like a sanctuary. Everything was clean, organized and put in its proper place.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Ashlyn unpacked her bag that she had brought to the field. She put her soccer ball on a ring on the floor beside her bed so it wouldn’t roll away. She took out the few items that were in the bag and then hung the bag on a hook that hung on the back of her closet door.

Ali stood with her back still against the bedroom door looking around at the space Ashlyn had created for herself. Finally, Ashlyn apologized, pointing to the bed. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you sit down?”

Pursing her lips, Ali shook her head, “I don’t want to get your bed messed up,” referencing her clothes that were less than fresh and stained with blood.

Ashlyn put her hand to her head and said, “I can be such a ……I’m sorry.” Coming across the room to take Ali’s hand, Ashlyn led her into the bathroom. Flipping on the light switch, she pulled out a towel and turned to face her, “Why don’t you take a nice hot bath and I’ll wash your clothes.”

Ali took the towel and looked up at Ashlyn. She was holding it against her like a child would hold a teddy bear, it seemed to bring her comfort. Taking a couple bottles from the shelf on the wall, Ashlyn placed them on the tray that hung on the side of the old-style porcelain tub. “Shampoo, conditioner and body wash…..for all that hair,” she joked.

Finally seeing her relax a little, Ali smiled, “Thank you.” Her features seemed to soften and a playfulness returned to her eyes. “Would you sit with me? Or is that too weird?”

Raising an eyebrow, Ashlyn asked, “If you want? I guess?”

“You guess it’s weird?” She was toying with her now.

“It’s very weird,” Ashlyn nodded. “But I’ll do it.” Ali made her want to be playful. It was a break from the game of mental chess that she seemed to be engaged in all day long.

Ali pulled the sweatshirt up and over her head. The baseball cap falling off, she reached down and picked it up. “You like UNC?” The light blue cap looked like it had seen better days. It was frayed around the brim and a light coating of dust trimmed the base.

“Yeah, I think I want to go to school there.” Taking a washcloth from the shelf and turning to give it to Ali, she realized she was staring. “What?”

“You mean college?” Ali’s question was riddled with confusion.

Nodding slowly, Ash asked, “Why?”

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it.” Setting the hat down, she seemed to be deeply contemplating that possibility.

Ash turned on the hot water and then the cold. She ran her hand under it testing the temperature. Ali had kicked off her sneakers and pulled off the socks. She tucked them into her shoes and then pulled her tee shirt off.

Ashlyn poured a little bit of body wash in the water to give it some scent. When she turned around, Ali was sitting on the little bench by the door. She was only wearing a pair of purple boy shorts and a matching sports bra. “It’s ready for you.”

Ali stood and went to the tub. Dipping her hand in the water, she said, “That feels good.” Backing up a couple steps, Ash gave her some room. From behind, Ash looked at her back as she pulled off the sports bra and set it aside. Her eyes wandered to the small of her back where the fabric hugged her waist. She could see on the shorts where the blood had soaked through in thin lines across her backside. It was then that she realized the fabric wasn’t torn or damaged in any way. He had made her take them down before he beat her. It made her angry because it was humiliating for a sixteen-year-old girl to have to do such a thing. Not to mention it was abusive and degrading.

When she noticed Ali was watching her from over her shoulder, she apologized, “I’m sorry.” She turned her head and waited until she heard her step into the water. “You can turn around now.”

Sitting on the floor beside the tub, Ash was facing her so they could talk. “Is it too hot?”

Ali shook her head, “It feels good. Thank you. I haven’t had a bath in forever.” Leaning back in the water, she slid down until it covered her shoulders. She tilted her head slightly so she could immerse her body as much as she could without putting her head under. After a minute, she slipped her whole head under. When she sat up, she wiped the hair from her face and laughed, “I couldn’t help myself.” She let out another giggle and looked over at Ash who was smiling at her. “That feels so good.”

“Do you feel better?”

Ali nodded and she flashed a smile that was genuinely relaxed.

“Good. I’m going to put your clothes into the washer. Get them started…..and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Ali watched the blonde stand and gather all of her clothes into her arms. Before she left the room, she glanced back at Ali who was watching her. Even though she was looking at Ashlyn, she was lost in her own thoughts that had taken her somewhere else.

Standing in the basement, Ashlyn used some detergent on the spots of blood on her clothing. The stains easily came out most likely because they were still new. Smiling to herself, Ashlyn realized that had anyone told her a week ago that she’d be texting with the school slut she’d have called them insane. Then, a week later, she’d have punched them in the head for calling Ali a slut.

She liked the girl. She definitely enjoyed her company. The two of them had a lot more in common with each other than anybody could have ever convinced them. She also recognized that she was feeling a little protective of her. She wasn’t sure why. But one thing was certain, thinking about Ali upstairs in her bathtub made her feel a way that she wasn’t used to feeling.


	6. Why Can't I?

By 11:00 am, Ashlyn had given Ali a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. They were soft, comfortable, and she could comfortably fit a second person in there. It didn’t take long after that before she had curled up on the twin bed and was fast asleep. Her clothes were in the dryer and she had at least 45 minutes to kill if the clothes dried in that time and they didn’t need more.

Ashlyn watched Ali sleeping for a while before she felt her own eyes getting heavy. She didn’t know if it was watching Ali relaxed and sleeping that made her feel the same or if she was coming down from the adrenaline rush of the morning. Resting her head back, she easily fell asleep beside Ali on the bed.

When Ashlyn began to wake, her eyes still closed, she could feel Ali still sleeping beside her. She looked so peaceful lying on her back, asleep. When she rolled over slowly, to face Ashlyn, it was in one smooth transition. She was lying so close now that Ashlyn could feel her warm breath on her neck. Thinking about what she might be going home to at night started to make her feel sick to her stomach again. She suddenly felt the urge to put her arms around her, hoping it would make her feel safe.

Her face began to flush and she could feel her cheeks become hot. Her heart was pounding in her chest as the realization flooded her mind. Ashlyn had a crush on the brunette that was sleeping beside her. It felt like someone had pushed a panic button in her head and an alarm began to scream in her ears.

Almost frozen in a state of fear and anxiety, she watched Ali adjust on the pillow. Ashlyn felt her reach out and put her palm lightly against her chest. Her face was no longer relaxed, she was dreaming. Her jaw set firmly and she began pulling subtly on Ash’s shirt.

In an attempt to gently wake her, she whispered, “Ali….” Blinking a few times, she met Ashlyn’s eyes and smiled,” Hi there.” Her outstretched hand slowly dropped to the bed between them, “I was just dreaming about you.”

She seemed completely at ease but Ashlyn still had to ask, “You were? Was it a good dream?”

Her eyes still heavy with sleep, she nodded, “Yes, we were riding on your skateboard. I was trying not to fall off.” Satisfied that Ali hadn’t been struggling to fight her off in a dream induced state of self-realization, Ashlyn smiled with relief.

Picking up on her anxiety, Ali gently reached for her face with her hand and searched for the truth. “You wish I’d fallen off?” Her playful question, however rhetorical, the sudden touch had frozen Ashlyn’s brain from responding in any form. 

Her silence gave Ali more opportunity. “What are you thinking?” she pressed curiously. She had released her hold on Ashlyn’s face and dropped her hand to rest on her shoulder. Meeting the dark brown eyes that relieved her of her ability to think logically, she answered, “I wouldn’t let you fall. I’d catch you.” The nervous laughter that followed was just plain embarrassing. She sounded like an amalgam of every giddy schoolgirl stereotype she’d ever seen.

Pleased with the response, Ali held their gaze before lowering her head a little and blushing. The color in her cheeks seemed to suggest a mutual realization. If that was true, that Ali had just realized the same thing, God, please, don’t let her choose this moment to talk about it. Ashlyn was silently praying that this was all in her head. She was sure that if Ali said anything about this out loud that she would burst into flames right here.

Finally, her senses returned and she found the presence of mind to change the subject, “Can I ask you a question?”

Ali gave her pseudo side eye as if anything Ashlyn asked her would be off limits. The way they were beginning to read each other was evolving easily.

“Why did he beat you yesterday?” Ashlyn looked away as she asked. “Was there something I could have done to stop it?” She really wanted to know and at the same time, probably didn’t want to hear the answer.

The expression on Ali’s face changed. When Ashlyn got enough nerve to meet her eyes again, Ali was deep in thought. She knew the brunette was debating on her answer. The truth vs. A Bullshit Answer. Ashlyn just had to wait now and see which she chose.

Ali sat up and leaned her back against the wall. In Ashlyn’s oversized tee shirt, she looked small and guarded. She folded her arms over herself and took a breath. “It honestly had nothing to do with you. It really had nothing to do with me.” She had a half smile curling up the left side of her mouth which made Ashlyn feel butterfly’s in her stomach. Her expressions were adorable.

“Then what?” Ash questioned.

“My mother had a fight with him that night before. She came home after running the place for 18 hours and was tired. She wanted to go to bed. He wanted sex. She said no. It was a big screaming match. When that happens, I know it’s my turn.”

“You’re turn for what, Ali?”

‘He wants sex from me.” The way she spoke about it was emotionless. “The worst beating I ever took there was that night I told him no. I said that I was a virgin and I planned to keep it intact.” Ali was wringing her hands in her lap. “He wasn’t trying to hear that, now he really wanted me.” Sitting up and leaning against the wall beside her, Ashlyn asked, “Why are men such pigs? Ugh. Like it’s your job to satisfy your mom’s boyfriend.”

“I argued with him and he told me that if I took a beating, he’d call it even. At 11, I took the deal. I didn’t want to have sex with him.”

Turning to look at Ashlyn very seriously, Ali took her by the shoulders, “There’s nothing you could have done to stop it. Nothing you could have said. Nothing you could have changed. Every six weeks or so, I have to take one. When I walked in, he had the wire sitting on the table. He had his hand in his pants stroking himself and asking what I wanted tonight.”

“Your mother’s ok with this?”

“My mother still likes him. He gives her a job, a roof over our heads and when ever she feels like it, she keeps him happy. At the end of the day, I’m the bargaining chip because he doesn’t want kids hanging around.”

Ashlyn reached her arm around Ali and pulled her closer. She hated that Ali had to make the types of choices she did. “I don’t know if he thinks that one day I’m going to choose him over that wire, but he’s got another thing coming.” Her voiced was filled with absolute conviction. “I told him if he ever put his dick near my mouth that I swore on my very life I’d bite it off.” Ali seemed pleased with her threat but Ashlyn knew that when it came down to it, he’d end up getting what he wanted.

“So as long as my mother’s in the house, that’s as far as it goes.” Ali looked away. “That’s why I didn’t want to go home yet. She wouldn’t be there.” Ali leaned her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder as she thought to herself. Lowering her voice, she confessed, “I figure, after a while, the sex might not hurt as much. This was the first time he pulled everything down to beat me. He’s getting frustrated.”

Ashlyn’s voice became high pithed and she waved her hands exasperated, “HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND TALK ABOUT THIS SO CALMLY?”

The outburst surprised Ali so much that she jumped a little when Ashlyn yelled. Still keeping her composure to accompany her response, Ali questioned, “What should I do? Call DYFS? CPS? The police? Run away? Are you actually condescending to me that I’m choosing this? Do you know what it’s like to sleep at night with a chair wedged against your door because you’re afraid some drunk asshole or your mother’s loser boyfriend is coming in to get you in the middle of the night?” As hard as she tried to hold herself together, she was choking back her emotions, “Well, do you? Because I’m not proud of having to negotiate for my virginity at eleven years old.”

Ashlyn put a hand to her mouth to stop her from saying anything else. She took a minute and then said, “Listen.” She turned to face Ali and apologized, “Yes. I do know. I’m sorry. I think I’ve been doing it so long I forgot how horrible it is. I’m listening to you and I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have let things get so out of control.” Nodding to her bedroom door, she asked, “Do you see that?” She motioned to the Louisville Slugger leaning on the wall. That’s what I use to wedge under my door.”

Ali looked at the baseball bat then back to Ashlyn. She bowed her head a bit feeling exposed and vulnerable for the both of them.

Ashlyn’s eyes seemed to darken and she lowered her gaze to her lap. Then she whispered out, “I didn’t negotiate my virginity very well.” The silence between them became thick. Ali reached out and put her hand in Ashlyn’s lightly. Then she squeezed it. When their eyes finally met, Ali leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn’s neck to hug her.

When Ali pulled back, she placed the palms of her hands on Ashlyn’s cheeks. The blonde wouldn’t look up. She swallowed her embarrassment in an attempt to hold back her tears. Her lips brushing softly against Ashlyn’s, Ali waited for her to connect with her. Her heart racing, Ashlyn was met with complete compassion. Ali backed up a little, her nose crinkling a little, as she bit her bottom lip and smiled embarrassed. “Wow,” she finally whispered.

Staring blankly, Ashlyn shook her head to wake herself up. “Did that just happen?” Her words were barely audible.

Ali ran her fingers over her own lip teasingly and then looked up suddenly, “Was it alright that I did that?” Ashlyn seemed stunned. Finally, she shook her head, “No.”

“No?” Ali panicked.

“No.” Reaching her hand out and putting it on the back of Ali’s head, Ashlyn told her, “I wanted to do that first.” Her fingers tangled in her long brown locks; she pulled the brunette closer as she pressed her lips against Ali’s. Hungry to taste more of her, Ashlyn fell backwards with Ali crashing on top of her.

Their kisses were feverish, traveling in dotted chaos that followed no road. Ali pushed her hands through the long blonde strands as she nuzzled the delicate skin on Ashlyn’s neck. A sigh escaped her lips that made Ali smile and then giggle when she pulled back. Pushing herself up, she straddled the blonde and curled her fingers around some of the baby hairs. “You wanted to do that first?”

Ashlyn secured her hands on Ali’s waist and smiled back when she nodded.

“When?”

“Before you left, after we ate.”

Ali tilted her head in thought. Then she smiled, “Is that why you closed your eyes?”

Rolling Ali onto the bed and reversing their position, Ash blushed. When she leaned in to kiss Ali, their lips met softly and began a slow gentle dance. Neither relinquished control over their innocent kisses.

Ashlyn’s fingertips lightly pressed into Ali’s shoulders when she broke away from her mouth to trail kisses down her neck. She felt Ali grip her hands around Ashlyn’s tee shirt and tug a little when she started to giggle at her tickling touch. Meeting the brunette’s eyes, Ashlyn pressed their lips together one more time before sitting back on her knees.

Lying on her back, looking up, Ali had her legs bent slightly at the knees on either side, trapping Ashlyn in front of her. Changing her position off of her knees, Ashlyn slid her legs under Ali’s so she could sit comfortably. She rested her hands on her knees and ran them over the soft fabric of the loose sweatpants.

Ali’s infectious smile immediately prompted Ashlyn’s response. A chill raised on her skin and Ali put her hands on top of Ashlyn’s. Their fingers intertwined, the blonde confessed, “I’ve never kissed a girl.”

Ali bit her bottom lip and blushed, “Neither have I.” Suddenly aware of the tee shirt that had ridden up exposing her stomach, she pulled it down and returned her hands to Ashlyn’s, “It was amazing. My heart is beating so fast.”

Ashlyn traced over Ali’s fingers lightly and sighed. “I never wanted to. I’ve never felt like this.”

The two of them were lost in the moment of self-discovery when they both heard footsteps and the slam of a door.


	7. Piano In The Dark

Ashlyn’s face became ghostly pale. Ali sat up quickly, her eyes wide with fear. Her hands clinging to Ashlyn’s tightly, they both listened when a familiar voice called out, “Ash?”

The blonde seemed to exhale a sigh of relief. She placed a hand on Ali’s shoulder to reassure her before she got up, “Don’t worry. Stay here.”

Calling out, “Chris?” She walked out of her bedroom and peered into the dimly lit hallway. When she saw her brother, she stood silently. He looked well fed and his clothes were clean. She hadn’t seen him since the springtime.

Her hesitation made him question, “Are you ok?”

Suddenly feeling vulnerable, she looked back to her bedroom and pulled the door halfway closed. She looked back up at him and nodded, “Yeah.”

He took a few steps closer and he noticed her guarded stance. The subtle rustling sound drew Chris’s attention to the doorway, “Are you sure?” He was studying her face now.

A quick side glance toward her door, she returned her eyes to his and asked, “Where did you go? You just disappeared?” There was anger in her voice.

“Don’t be pissed at me. I had to get out of here.” He took another step closer.

“You had to get out of here?” She laughed. “What do you want?” Her words were cold.

“I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Backing up a step, she threw her arms out. “Well, here I am. I’m great.” She stepped toward her doorway, “Thanks for stopping by.”

Reaching for her arm, her brother stopped when she looked back at him with contempt, “You left me here, Chris. You left me here, all alone.”

“Where are they?”

“How should I know? You know what goes on here.” Her words were harsh.

“Can we sit down and talk for a minute?” He stepped closer and she blocked him with her body. Stepping in front of the doorway, she shrugged, “Right now’s not really a good time. Why don’t you come back in four or five months and we’ll chat then.”

Chris laughed out loud. “Listen, little girl, don’t pull that shit with me.” His tone stiffened her shoulders. He brushed past her and slowly pushed open her door. Stepping inside, he looked around while Ashlyn came to his side. “How long have they been gone?”

“A couple days…”

Sitting on the edge of her bed, he asked, “Do you want to go get some food? You’ve got to be hungry.” Her eyes darting from one side of the room to the other, Ashlyn asked, “Where are you staying?”

“Mike’s. What are you hiding?”

Meeting his eyes, she shook her head, “Nothing. I’m in the middle of something.”

Standing slowly, his gaze was fixed on her, “I’m not your enemy, kiddo. I don’t know when you stopped trusting me or what you’re doing in here but I’m still me.”

Backing up a step, Ashlyn let him cross the room. He stood in the doorway and said, “I’m gonna go. You know how to get in touch if you need me.” Looking back at her once more, his face softened and his tone exposed his honest concern for her, “Don’t let them break you.”

She nodded and he was gone.

Standing motionless for a moment, she whispered, “Ali?”

The bathroom door slowly opened halfway, and she stood nervously peering from behind it. She stared silently questioning with her eyes.

Crossing the room, Ali met her halfway, “Who was that?’ she whispered looking back to the door.

Pulling her into her arms, Ashlyn sighed. “It’s ok. It was my brother.”

Ali reached around Ashlyn’s waist and hugged her. “Oh.” She rested her head against the blonde, “I didn’t know if something bad was going to happen. He sounded angry.”

“I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you.”

Ali looked up into Ashlyn’s eyes. She smiled, caressing her cheek with her fingertips, “I know.”

Dropping her arms, Ashlyn reached around Ali’s waist and rested her hands gently on her bottom, “How does back here feel?”

Nodding slowly, “I’m alright. The bath and the rest really helped.”

“Good. You needed the rest.” Ashlyn buried her hands into the dark brown strands that hung down Ali’s back. “I want to go and get your clean clothes for you but…” Their eyes fixed on each other, “But first, can I kiss you again?”

Without looking away, Ali took one of Ashlyn’s hands and held it. “Can I tell you something that I’ve never told anyone?”

Leaning in a little, she smiled brightly as she spoke, “You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to kiss me.” As their lips slowly danced over each other, there was a quiet power struggle. Their soft kisses were random and scattered until Ali lightly tugged on Ashlyn’s bottom lip with her teeth. After that, she guided the intensity. Her tender kisses set a pace between them that reflected a beautiful waltz. When she used her tongue to flirt with Ashlyn’s, the blonde mirrored the action until she let a sigh escape her and pulled back. Her head resting against Ali’s, she took a deep breath and whispered, “Ohh, Ali, that’s nice.” She felt pleasant chills run down her spine that weren’t easy to shake off.

Her eyes closed, regaining her own composure, the brunette breathed out, “Uhm….yeah. Very nice....” Her hands slowly trailed down Ashlyn’s back. They slipped from around her and she lightly leaned herself palms flat against the blonde’s chest for support.

When their eyes met again, there were no words.


	8. Oh Very Young

Much of the afternoon was spent in the park far from both of their homes. Ashlyn was using her legs to push the swing back far enough that when she picked up her feet, it would glide gently for a while. Ali sat on her lap with her legs across her. Ashlyn had one of her arms around Ali and then holding the chain to keep them steady while the other rested on her knee. Ali’s hand was on top of that holding it lightly. The air was warm but the shade of the trees covering the swing set provided just enough relief.

Ashlyn’s sweatshirt was wrapped around Ali’s waist. The ripped tee shirt she’d been wearing was replaced with a tank top that Ashlyn had given her to wear. The fabric was cooler and it helped dull the memory of the night before.

The two easily drifted from topic to topic through the afternoon until the sun had set low in the sky and a chill began to cool the air. Ali was now sitting on the edge of the picnic table and Ashlyn was standing between her legs leaning on the table top. Neither of them noticed how much time had gone by so quickly.

When Ali shivered a little, Ashlyn ran her hands up and down her bare arms. She looked around the park and asked, “When did the whole day go by?”

Looking back to the brunette, they both smiled. It had been such a good day. They planned to meet again in the morning so they could kick the ball around the field and Ashlyn could get in some work. She figured it didn’t really matter that Ali hadn’t played in a few years and wasn’t that good with the ball. It would still help her get ready for next week and she was happy to spend the time with her.

Pulling the sweatshirt from around her waist, Ashlyn held it out so she could pull it over Ali’s head. Pushing her arms through, Ali tucked her hands back up into the sleeves to keep warm. Ash wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. “Ali, can you let me take you home?”

Sitting back a few inches, the brunette challenged her eyes searching for the truth. Not breaking their gaze, she took in a breath. She was hesitant.

“What’s wrong?” Ashlyn couldn’t read her.

“No, I don’t want you to get into a pissing contest with him.”

“Why do you…”

“Because I can see it all over your face.”

Ashlyn had to stifle her smile. She was dead on accurate. She wanted to see who this prick was and size him up. Pulling her thoughts back, Ali had reached up and taken her face gently into her hands, “Look at me. I don’t want you getting involved.”

Thinking for a moment, she asked, “Then come home with me tonight? Sleep at my place.” Halfway into a smile, Ali was shaking her head. She wrapped one of her legs around the back of Ashlyn’s and pulled her closer, “You’re worse than the football players. Do you know that?”

Ashlyn smiled at the comparison and Ali added, “Except you’re way cuter.”

Giving Ali a gentle peck on her lips, Ashlyn smiled, “Come home with this cutie.”

Ali was already shaking her head no.

“So what should I do? Just let you wander off into the dark?” Ashlyn wasn’t angry but she was frustrated.

“I’ve been doing it for a long time now. I’ll be alright.”

Wrapping her arms around the stubborn brunette, Ashlyn asked, “Do I ever get to win?” Ali giggled against the blonde’s chest, “I’ll think about it.”

* * *

When the morning came, Ashlyn lay awake with her eyes still closed. Her mind was replaying the last 24 hours over in her head. It almost felt dream like. Rolling onto her back and looking up at her ceiling, she thought about how she never seemed to be interested in dating any of the boys that Ali seemed to keep close to her. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them, it just hadn’t occurred to her to want to kiss them. She always assumed that one day she’d feel differently. She went over everything in her head and just couldn’t believe she’d never entertained another woman as an option. But is that what she was doing? Considering Ali? These feelings seemed to come out of nowhere.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes at her own indecision. She wondered where her parents were. Seeing Chris made her stomach ache. She really didn’t want to send him away but he picked up and left her. No warning. No nothing. She didn’t even know if he’d left on his own or if something had happened. When he stopped coming home, Ashlyn spent a couple weeks looking for him. She tried talking to some of his friends, going to some of his hangouts and had convinced herself that something horrible had happened.

Since he’d been gone, things around the house had gotten out of control. That first week after he left, her world had begun to collapse. She felt as if she was struggling with her grades, she was suspended from the team for drug use after random testing and she began questioning what she was bothering to wake up for every morning.

Now, her mind was still spinning. Deciding to save her mental debate for later, she kicked off her sheet and sat up. As soon as she saw Ali’s ripped tee shirt hanging over the back of her desk chair, she smiled. Reaching over to grab it, she held it out in front of her. Ali had protested the first time Ashlyn tried to offer up her sweatshirt to cover the torn fabric. When Ashlyn called her over to choose a top from out of her drawer the second time, she’d willingly picked out a red tank top. Secretly, Ashlyn was hoping she’d wear that. The color suited her dark hair.

Picking up her phone, she saw the time and started getting her things together.

* * *

Standing on the far sideline, Ashlyn checked the time. It was almost five after eight. She’d gotten to the field later than she wanted, Ali was nowhere to be found, again, and there was already someone warming up on the field. From the looks of it, it was someone on her team taking shots. And they were good. It had to be one of the freshmen trying to make ‘walk on’ at the end of the week. Ashlyn wondered if anyone else from the team was going to show up.

After watching for a few minutes, Ashlyn turned to sit down. She dropped her bag and took out her water bottle. She started to unzip her bag and assemble the things she needed. When a shadow appeared and was standing over her, she used her hand to shield her face from the sun and looked up.

“Aren’t you a sleepy head this morning?”

Recognizing Ali and realizing she was the player on the field, her eyes widened a bit. Standing quickly, Ashlyn stuttered out, “I didn’t know that was you out there.”

Her hands on her hips curiously, Ali glanced back out at the field and then to Ashlyn, squinting a little around the glare. She had on a white sports top and white shorts that were snug but form fitting. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail that accentuated her small but muscular frame. From a distance, Ashlyn would have never guessed it was her if she’d sat there all day watching. The longer Ashlyn let Ali challenge her with her determined brown eyes, the more she realized she was falling for her. What was worse, she was pretty sure Ali knew it.

Wiping the sweat from her forehead, Ali asked, “Well, does that change things?”

Lifting her chin a bit and puffing her chest, Ashlyn was pulling on her gloves, “Not at all.” The stifled smile she challenged Ali with, made the brunette purse her lips a little as she narrowed her stare.

“You want to go one on one to warm up,” Ali questioned, turning for the field. Following her, Ash nodded, “Sure.”

As Ash walked her bottle and a towel over to set beside the net, she dropped her gloves as she took a sneaky side glance out at Ali who was juggling the ball. She bobbed it on one foot a few times before switching and then doing the same. Ash was taking her time to reach the midfield. Ali kicked the ball up and let it bounce a couple times off her knee before holding it under her arm. “Play to two,” she questioned. Ash nodded and told her, “You drop.”

For the next hour and a half, the two girls pushed each other up and down the field, with stops, back heels and defensive halting plays that had them stealing the ball from the other and then chasing halfway down the field in a break away before the payoff was stymied and reversed and restarted in the other direction. Ali used her hands a lot to feel where Ashlyn was going and would push off in the opposite direction to throw her expectation.

Ali was fast. Her footwork with the ball made Ashlyn look like a clown. Several times she'd fooled her with a move that sent her in the wrong direction forcing her to sprint downfield to catch her. Then she had to resort to leaning into her and feigning a fall that would break Ali's stride. She thanked God that none of her coaches or teammates could see the spanking she was taking from the younger girl.

At one point, Ali came around Ashlyn and picked her pocket, sent a meg in the opposite direction and had flown halfway down the field in an instant. Racing after her, Ashlyn had one chance to stop her. Cutting across her in an attempt to reverse the ball, Ali stopped dead, put the ball through her legs again in a diagonal nutmeg and into the back of the net.

Ali then dropped to her knees and threw her arms in the air, “Yeeeeeeeeeaaah!” Jumping up, she ran back to Ashlyn and through her panting, smiled, “One for me.” She jumped toward Ashlyn and pushed herself up higher into the air. Her smile beamed as she giggled a little at her goal. The blonde bowed her head to hide her amusement over Ali's antics.

Ashlyn was half doubled over, feverishly out of breath and shook her head, “You win.” Catching her breath, she waved her hand out across the air, “I can’t score on you. You’re amazing.”

Her head cocked to the side, Ali smiled sympathetically, “It’s ok. I know you’re a goalie. That makes a difference. But you’re in real good shape.” She hesitated, then said, “And thank you. It’s been a while.” Ashlyn took the polite concession that Ali offered her and was happy she wasn’t the type to gloat.

Ashlyn dropped her head to suck air as soon as Ali sped off to retrieve the ball from the net. When Ali returned too quickly with the ball under her arm she asked, “Do you want to finish this or should I just let you get some defense in?”

Letting herself fall forward and onto her back on the ground, Ashlyn groaned, “Girl, you win. It’s finished. Let me catch my breath then I’ll get in there.”

Ali quickly dropped to the grass beside Ashlyn and propped her head up on her elbow. Meeting her brown eyes, Ashlyn couldn’t help reflecting her happy smile. She thought about all the times she’d interacted with Ali at school, passed her in the hallways or in class. She could honestly say she’d never seen such an honestly beautiful smile on the brunette.

As if she was reading Ashlyn’s mind, Ali bowed her head a little as if she might be embarrassed and peered back from under her thick eyelashes. “What are you thinking about,” she questioned as the blonde was obviously in thought.

“Have you thought about trying out for the team?” Ash had rolled onto her side to face Ali and mirrored her.

Narrowing her eyes a little, Ali asked, “Why?”

Ash hesitated before speaking because she wasn’t sure if her question was serious or not. When she still stared, waiting for a response, Ash began, “Well, first, you’re amazing.” Ali blushed when she smiled and pushed at Ashlyn a little. "You would be an asset and I mean that. Second, you obviously like it, you played for a lot of years.”

Ali seemed in thought. “But I’m sixteen, why would I still be playing games?”

Raising one eyebrow, Ashlyn frowned. “Games?”

Seeing the offended reaction, Ali nodded, “Well, I don’t understand why. It’s a lot of work for playing around with a soccer ball.”

Ashlyn massaged her temple and sighed. “Lastly, and most important, you could get a scholarship and play in college. What do you see yourself doing with your life? What’s your future look like? If you brought your grades up, they would pay for your schooling.”

Now it was Ali who looked offended and hurt. Her face became sullen and she sat up slowly. She sat quietly pulling at the grass in front of her and wouldn’t look at the blonde.

Ashlyn sat up and tried to take her hand. When she pulled it away, Ash asked, “Hey, what’s wrong? What did I say?”

Ali’s face was pink with embarrassment. Looking up to meet Ashlyn, Ali defiantly challenged her for an answer, “And what, exactly, is wrong with my grades?”

Searching her thoughts, Ashlyn shook her head, “I guess I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just thought…..”

“You just thought because of my reputation that I mustn’t have a brain.” Ali never blinked.

When there was nothing but silence, Ali said, “I’m in three of your Advanced Placement classes and I’m a year behind you.”

“Ali, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. My recruiter keeps drilling into me how important it is to keep your grades up. I can’t pay to go to a college that will open doors and give me the kind of opportunities I want unless I get a scholarship.”

Ali was still studying her when she asked, “What do you see yourself doing with your life? What’s your future look like?”

Ashlyn looked at the field they were sitting in the middle of and smiled. “This is it. Right here. I want to play professional soccer. I think if I work hard enough that I can be really good. Maybe even play in the Olympics some day.”

Ali was still pulling at the grass with one hand and the other in her lap. She would look up at Ashlyn for a brief glance before looking away.

“What about you, Ali? What’s your future look like?”

The corner of her mouth was curled up a bit. She was holding back a smile, “My mother keeps telling me if I can graduate high school before I get pregnant that someone might want to marry me one day.”

Taking her hand, Ashlyn repeated, “What’s your future look like?”

Ali’s sobering expression commanded attention. As she thought, her sights were fixed on somewhere that bore through Ashlyn sitting in front of her and stretched out past them in a far-off place that had no concrete ending in sight. When her eyes focused again, she met Ashlyn’s attentive hazel eyes and shook her head, “I don’t know anymore.” She only paused a moment before she confessed, “I know I shouldn’t be sitting here right now. He was going to kill me, you know?” She swallowed hard before she continued, “Jeff. ….” Her breath was uneasy, “I was going to die under that pier.”

Ashlyn felt a tightening in the pit of her stomach. She knew it was true. When she’d reached the couple, the look in Ali’s eyes was sheer terror. Jeff’s face was almost hollow and wild. His actions would have harbored no remorse for the life he was about to extinguish.

“We were kissing and he got so worked up that he kept telling me that I needed to…..give him a blow job.” Ashlyn gripped her hand tighter when it grew moist with sweat. “He started pulling on my shirt trying to make me come closer and I started to fight him. When he slapped my face, it stunned me and he grabbed me around my throat and started squeezing. I couldn’t breathe.”

Looking down at herself, she sniffled, “I dropped to my knees when I couldn’t breathe anymore and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him to let go. The look he had in his eyes…..he wasn’t going to stop.”

“He must have heard you because he suddenly let go and was standing there listening. I stood up and that’s when you came around the pilings.” Ashlyn had dropped her sights as she remembered what she saw when she reached the couple. Ali had marks around her neck and her face was red and tear streaked.

“I never thought I had a future. Ever since my mother started dating Lou, I assumed it would be him. The way he started touching me…the way he looked at me. I knew I would fight him and I knew I would lose some day.”

“Sometimes I don’t know how I’m still alive and I definitely don’t know why.” When Ali looked up, she put her other hand over Ashlyn’s, “You saved my life. For whatever it might be worth, you saved it. I’ve been going over and over it in my head; why I feel the way I do about you. I can’t explain it. It’s not a hero worship either. I don't know what my future is now.”

Ashlyn reached her other hand out and with a determination meant for Ali to draw from, she told her, “I think your life is worth something. You can be great but you have to believe in yourself.”

Ali returned with a weak smile but at least she was considering it. Which was more than she’d done in a long time. Ashlyn squeezed her hand and nodded, “I believe in you.”

Ali didn’t look away.


	9. Lead Me On

Ali met Ashlyn at a halfway mark so they could walk the rest of the way to school together. They promised to get there extra early so they could take their time. This time, Ashlyn was waiting in the parking lot of the laundromat. Ali came up quietly behind Ashlyn who was reading and put her arms around her. Reaching for her hands and holding them against her, the blonde smiled to herself at the affection, “Good morning.” Ali rested her chin on her shoulder from behind and whispered, “Good morning. You’re here early this time.”

Ashlyn relaxed against her head against her, “Was everything ok when you got home?”

Standing and coming around to sit beside the blonde on the cement wall beside the parking lot, Ali climbed up, “Sunday nights are chill.”

“That’s good.” Ashlyn closed her book and started to put it into her bag.

“What are you reading?” Ali reached in her pocket and put on a pair of glasses. She took the book from her hands and read the cover. “A.P. Anatomy and Physiology. I took that last year.” Looking up, she questioned, “Do you have that pre-quiz Mr. Roberts loves to give on Mondays?” She was frowning exaggeratedly.

“Yeah. Just to keep you on your toes.” Ashlyn smiled when Ali handed her back the book. The glasses without a rim sitting on the end of her nose and her dark hair falling over her shoulders gave her a more mature appearance. Wearing Ashlyn’s UNC cap backwards on her head, it just made her too cute for words. Ash was lost in her expressions.

As if her thoughts were on broadcast, Ali lowered her stare a little and crinkled her nose trying to hide her embarrassed smile, “What are you thinking?” The brunette had a way of reading her when she least wanted it.

Ashlyn tried to keep herself from smiling as widely as she ended up doing, “I was just thinking how good you look in my hat.” Her attempt to stifle her thoughts caused a deep dimple to accentuate her feelings like a beacon. They both leaned in slowly to a soft kiss as they brushed each other’s lips lightly.

Pulling back a bit, Ali whispered, “I wanted to make sure I gave it back. I didn’t want to forget.”

Raising her sights to the hat perched on Ali’s head, Ashlyn looked back to her hypnotizing brown eyes, “Keep it. It looks much better where it is.” Taking advantage of the silence, their lips met again in an almost subtle gesture between them.

Their attention pulled when a loud group from school had crossed the street and started walking past them. Sitting back and putting the book into her bag, Ashlyn stepped down from the wall and reached out to help Ali. Leaning forward, Ali let the blonde hold her waist and she jumped down.

Pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder, Ashlyn reached for Ali’s binder that she held against her.

As they started down the street, Ali asked, “Do you want to meet at the fields again?”

Nodding, Ashlyn asked, “Have you thought anymore about tryouts?”

Ali was thinking. She seemed to be deciding on her next question. When the brunette displayed this expression, she was no doubt formulating a list in a certain order. “Do you think it would help me be able to get a scholarship to play soccer if my grades are really good?”

Laughing, Ash told her, “If you play like you did against me AND have killer grades, they’ll be beating down your door.” Ali smiled as she walked beside Ash. “Maybe I really could go to school.”

“If you’re dedicated and you give it 100%, there’s nothing you can’t do.” Ashlyn was watching Ali contemplate her statements. “Tomorrow on the main field is walk on tryouts. They post cuts every day but I can tell you if you make it past the first day, you have a serious shot. And I'll be there to work with you if you need anything. I promise."

Ali stopped walking as they approached the courtyard. She was watching people walk past them talking and she realized she still had her glasses on. Taking them off and putting them in a case, she tucked it back in her pocket. When she met Ashlyn's curious eyes, she seemed troubled. "I won't know anybody. Will they accept me coming in new?" She was nervous about putting her true self out there.

Standing outside the west hall, Ashlyn promised, “I’ll meet you on the field today right after last bell. I'll show you the drills. And you'll know me.” She smiled with a cocky attitude to set her at ease, and the brunette couldn't help but smile back. "They're going to love you. It's not hard to do."

As the loud warning bell chimed over their heads, Ali leaned over and gave the blonde a soft brush on her lips while taking her binder. “Thank you for carrying my books.” She left Ashlyn with a smile that made her stomach flutter.

* * *

Sitting in class, Ashlyn finished her quiz and sat waiting for everyone else. When her professor looked up and met her eyes, he motioned her to come to his desk. “Yes, sir.”

“Miss Harris, your presence is requested in the guidance office right now.” He handed her a hall pass, “You’re excused.”

Gathering her things, she read the description ‘Athletics Recruiting’.

Her recruiter was here. Her stomach began twisting itself into knots. This was going to be bad. She was going to tell her she was no longer eligible. When she knocked on the guidance door, she stepped inside and sat sullenly waiting to be called. The next time they were to be in touch was to discuss her signing a commitment with the school. The last time they spoke, she said not to expect another legal NCAA approved contact unless there was an issue.

The door to the guidance office opened and Ashlyn began wondering how serious things were. She could see her coach sitting in the office beside her recruiter from UNC. Standing quickly when her guidance counselor motioned towards her, she stepped inside the door and stood nervously.

Everyone greeted her with a smile and she sat in the chair that was closest to the desk.

Her counselor began, “Well, it’s not often we have this type of meeting so I’ll give the floor to Mr. Anjel.”

Her eyes darting to the UNC representative, the blonde’s nerves were stretched beyond their max. “Ashlyn I’m sure you’re aware why we’re here. So we’d just…..” Stopping, the man raised his eyebrows questioningly when Ashlyn dropped her head with her hand covering her face and let out a sob. She sniffled and then began crying, “I’m sorry.” She made an attempt to compose herself, taking a tissue from her counselor and wiping her eyes that still spilled tears.

Standing, her coach came to her side and leaned closer to speak to her, “Are you alright?”

Ashlyn took a breath and nodded. Mr. Anjel then asked, “Miss Harris? Are you still interested in the Red Shirt Endowment Scholarship Program?”

Looking up curiously, Ashlyn seemed confused.

Her coach then knelt beside her and began, “Ash, didn’t you get their letter? They’ve awarded you the Early Admission Session for next semester. It was sent out last week certified mail.”

Ashlyn shook her head no.

Looking up at the other adults, her coach shook her head, “Well no wonder.”

Standing, the UNC recruiter began, “Ashlyn, on behalf of the University of North Carolina, I’d like to congratulate you on being awarded our Early Admission Red Shirt Program Recipient. In addition to a full scholarship, you’re being given the opportunity to start practicing and traveling with the team while beginning classes a full semester early. All expenses are covered under the Scholarship program. We have faith in your abilities on and off the field and we’d like to extend this offer in good faith of things to come. As long as you maintain your current GPA and remain in good standing with the team, we’ll arrange a Commitment signing later in the month. Congratulations, Ashlyn. You deserve it.”

Covering her face with her hands, she burst into tears and mumbled, “Thank you. I can’t thank you enough.” When she stood, she looked up and was met with hugs and handshakes congratulating her success. Her coach gave her a hug before confessing, “We’re going to miss you here. But you’ve got bigger things ahead of you. Good Luck, Ashlyn.”

Mr. Anjel handed her a large manila envelope and said, “This is a full description of everything in the package. We just need the documents that are highlighted and one of the advisors will assist you with classes.”

“Thank you so much, “Ashlyn repeated.

Cali DuBois, her guidance counselor, smiled. “No one deserves this more than you. When we received the application paperwork for references, all of your teachers were more than happy to recommend you.”

Before her coach left, she warned, “I hope you don’t think you’ll get out of your drills tomorrow?” Her narrowed glare was then softened with a wink and smile before exiting the office. Followed by the UNC recruiter, Ashlyn was left with her guidance rep. Looking back to her, she shook her head, “I forgot I filled all that out. It was a year ago.” She put her hand to her forehead as her cheeks flushed.

“Sit down with me for a bit, “Cali asked. “So, you didn’t get the letter….it was certified. I can't help notice your parents didn't show. How were things at home this summer?” When the blonde’s eyes settled on the young woman, she nodded, “Is there anything I can help with?”

Ashlyn shook her head. “I’m focusing on my work and I’ve been busting my ass to stay in shape. I’m staying out of the drama.” She was trying to sound as cool and confident as she could. Ms. DuBois studied her for a long time before she spoke. Enough silence had unnerved her, Ashlyn looked down into her lap.

“Ashlyn, are you alright,” her concern was genuine. She’d been speaking with the girl since she started her first year. “Are your parents both at home?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Ashlyn tried not to give any more information away.

“Honey, I know you’re independent, how long have you been alone?” She was waiting for an answer. Ashlyn looked up and didn’t want to say. She was biting her tongue.

“More than a week?”

Ashlyn shook her head.

Her counselor held her gaze with the blonde for a long while before she took a deep breath. “Are you safe?” Pausing only for a moment, she gave her a serious look, “I mean it, are you in danger?”

Ashlyn was shaking her head, “No. It’s not like that. It’s quiet.”

Understanding the response, she nodded. Ashlyn had figured out how to not force the counselor to act legally if given the information that she was being neglected. Reaching into her top drawer, she pulled out a stack of vouchers. Counting them out, she handed them across her desk, “There’s breakfast and lunch through November and a few extra. Please use them. You can’t push yourself the way you do and not nourish your body.”

Ashlyn took them and nodded, “I will.”

“Will you check back in with me in a couple weeks?” She stood and went to her shelves. Pulling out another folder, she opened it and grabbed a handful of cards. When she turned, she handed them to Ash who had stood up to meet her. “There’s some gift cards. You can use them for groceries or some local eateries.” After she replaced the file on the shelf, she turned again. Ashlyn was quietly crying to herself. “It won’t always be this way will it?” She was barely audible. Looking up embarrassed, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

Coming around the desk, the woman pulled her into a hug and promised, “One day, this will be just a memory. Please hold on, Ashlyn. You’re so close.” Pulling back a bit, she asked, “You’ll come see me if you need anything, right?”

Ashlyn nodded and half smiled through her tears.

“Ok, now you get back to class.”


	10. Little Lies

Getting through the day proved difficult. Ashlyn’s mind raced thinking about the possibility of getting out from under the burden of her parent’s poor choices. Their complications would no longer interfere with the plans she’d made to make a better life for herself. As she returned to her first class, the bell rang and she gathered up her things.

When she reached her next class, she saw Ali coming down the hall and realized they were in the next three classes together. She realized the coursework that she must be carrying and suddenly wondered how on earth she was managing such an aggressive schedule.

As soon as Ali noticed Ash, she smiled. “Statistically speaking, what are the odds of probability that we would have this class together?” Leaning in, the blonde questioned, “Yeah, about that….how?”

She was almost shouting over the hallway noise, “I tested out of a few classes so I’m in a few with seniors.”

“That’s psychotic,” nodding for her to follow out of the between classes flow. “When do you have lunch?” Standing under the alcove of the stairs, the two were able to hear each other without shouting.

Thinking, Ali said, “After we have AP Statistics, then I have AP Psychology then lunch.”

Narrowing her eyes a bit, Ash nodded, “Me too.”

“Then AP Euro History, right?”

Ash nodded. “We have the bulk of the day together.”

Ali was smiling as Ashlyn was brushing her long brown hair from her shoulder. It was the most she could do without drawing attention to them in the crowded corridor. The warning bell rang overhead and Ali brushed her fingers across Ash’s hand on her way to the classroom. Ash took a breath when she walked by and smiled happily as she caught her subtle scent. Following a few steps behind, Ash sat across from the chair Ali was seated.

The brunette had taken out her glasses and was looking for the lesson plan. When she casually looked over at Ashlyn through the glasses that now perched on the end of her nose, the blonde felt a pang in the pit of her stomach that made her feel a longing she couldn’t explain. When she smiled, Ashlyn blushed. Ali made a flirty kiss face in the air and raised her eyebrows playfully. Sitting up a little straighter in her chair, Ali happened to look over her shoulder and froze. When her eyes met with Jeff’s, her smile faded and she quickly looked away. Ashlyn noticed her attention return to the lecture and looked for their lesson in the book.

Jeff’s stare never wavered until Ali looked back at him again. He had raked his eyes up and down her body from head to toe. When their eyes met this time, he was smiling halfway. Ali tried to look away but she kept checking to see what he was doing. He was smiling at her in a way that made her skin crawl. She watched him reach down and adjust his pants under the desk. When their eyes met again, he slowly licked his lips and gave her a seductive nod that turned her stomach.

When she heard her name, she snapped her head up and listened to her teacher ask her the answer for question six. Reading the graph, she looked up again and thought before she was being scolded, “Miss Krieger, if you can’t find the content of this class interesting enough to pay attention….”

“Four.” She pulled her glasses off and nodded, “Four.” She maintained her connection with the teacher silently until he relinquished and moved on to the next question.

She glanced over at Ashlyn who smiled at her before dropping her gaze back into her book. Ali put her glasses back on and dared not to look back again.

When class ended, Ali sat with her head very close to her book pretending to read until she was sure Jeff had gotten up and left the room. She flinched a little when she felt a tap on her shoulder, “You really are blind as a bat, aren’t you?” Ash smiled at her.

Sitting up and closing the book, Ali nodded, “Only when my eyes are tired.” Leaning over to pick up her bag, she stole a glance to see Jeff was gone. Standing, she met Ashlyn’s narrowed hazel eyes, “What’s wrong?” the blonde questioned.

Nodding quickly, she picked up her binder and book and peered around Ashlyn to see who was in the doorway. Glancing back toward the door, Ashlyn watched two random students talking.

“Hey, Al? Do you want to meet in the courtyard for lunch? I have something I want to talk to you about.”

Ashlyn’s presentation of the statement drew Ali’s attention back to the blonde. “Sure, is everything alright?”

Before Ash could respond, their teacher, a thin, soft-spoken man, cleared his throat and asked, “Miss Krieger, could I speak with you privately for a moment?” Her eyes fluttering closed a moment out of frustration, Ali let out a breath and whispered, “I’ll meet you in the next class.” Rolling her eyes, she turned her back and went up to the desk.

Ashlyn couldn’t imagine what had rattled her so much but then she wondered if their teacher had noticed her distraction. Mr. Russell wasn't exactly known for his forceful behavior. He'd always seemed very far from the most masculine men. Picking up her bag, she went out into the hallway and took her time walking in the hopes Ali would catch up with her. 

Ashlyn hadn’t realized until class had already started that she had precious little time left now at the high school. It was about that time she also realized that just when she’d found Ali and their new friendship, she’d have to say goodbye. Once she left for school, she had no plans of returning. She never had a reason to want to. But now, at current time, she felt herself thinking about being so far from the brunette and not being able to spend time with her. What a difference the weekend had made. Everything she thought she knew, even about herself, had changed. She felt things she’d never felt before. She was thinking about a future, a life and leaving behind all the things that haunted her every waking moment.

Taking her seat in the psychology class, it wasn’t long before Ali entered the classroom and sat down beside Ash. She was angry. Her cheeks were flushed with a rush of emotion that she hadn’t seen before. Not knowing what had occurred, the blonde didn’t want to pry.

Then, as quickly as that, she took a breath and looked to Ashlyn and whispered, “He’s an asshole.” She smirked a bit and it crinkled her nose as she made a face that made Ash snort out a laugh. Drawing the laughter and unwanted attention of the teacher at the head of the classroom, she asked, “Something you’d like to share with us, Miss Harris?”

Fighting to hold down the smile she’d raised, she shook her head, “No, ma’am.”

When she turned her back, Ash leaned over, “You’re a bad influence on me.”

Ali smiled, “If I’m not then I’m doing it wrong.”

The two kept exchanging glances throughout the class and fought to control their giggling. Ali would look away only to side eye Ashlyn which would cause more laughter. When the bell rang signaling their dismissal, Ms. Rizzo had perched herself on the edge of her desk with her arms folded waiting to be acknowledged. Ashlyn noticed her first and immediately sobered up. Ali followed by following Ashlyn’s focus.

“Ok, girls. What’s wrong with you today?” She was far from amused.

Ali began stuttering out, “It’s my fault. I just…”

“Save it.” Her tone was serious. “I’m surprised at both of you. I expect better.”

Both of the girls filled with an embarrassment that colored their cheeks. Ashlyn looked away and closed her book. Ali challenged the woman still holding her harsh gaze. “Alex, you have something you want to say?”

Hearing her address the brunette differently, Ashlyn looked over. She appeared angry again. “Please don’t call me Alex.” Ali’s voice had sharpened.

Ash watched the 'no blink' staring contest in front of her for almost 30 seconds before she became uncomfortable and asked, “Can we leave?”

Ms. Rizzo took a breath and directed her gaze toward Ashlyn. “I took a big chance waiving a junior into my AP class, ‘Ali’. Don’t make me regret it.” Then meeting Ashlyn’s eyes, she added, “A Cornerstone Scholarship Recipient should take this last semester more seriously.” Standing from her desk and walking around it, she picked up the eraser and without facing them, waved her free hand, “Go on. Go to your next class.”

They both quickly gathered their things and left the room.

Once out in the hallway, Ashlyn let out a breath, “Oh my god, you’d think we pulled a fire alarm.” Ali was walking beside the blonde silently. Ashlyn laughed out loud a little thinking about the uncontrolled giggling, “You had me useless in there.”

Ali smiled thinking about their unruly behavior and side eyed Ashlyn. The blonde immediately stifled a laugh and shook her head, “I don’t know what it is about that face but I’m no good to anybody right now.”

Seated at the picnic table on the far end of the courtyard, Ashlyn quickly swallowed a few chicken nuggets. She had opened a ketchup packet and was drizzling it on two more when she became aware of Ali watching her. Resuming her chewing, Ash mumbled, “Wh-at..?” The brunette raised her eyebrows in a playful gesture and then leaned against her affectionately. Ashlyn smiled and felt a warm comforting vibe that she never wanted to end. Then she remembered what she needed to say.

“Why did Ms. Rizzo say this was your last semester here?”

Her stomach wrenching, Ali had beat her to the punch.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about. They pulled me out of class this morning to guidance. I thought I was screwed. My recruiter and my coach were there.”

Ali sat up and straddled the bench so she could face Ashlyn as she spoke. “Last December, I filled out an application for a scholarship program that would give me early admission to school so I could practice with the soccer team. It includes full tuition with room and board for the whole four and a half years. It’s based on my athletic projection at the school and my academic performance. Basically, they expect great things from me but want to guarantee I’ll maintain my grades.”

As Ashlyn spoke, Ali listened and never broke their connection. Her breathing had stuttered subtly as the blonde explained the details and she tried to ignore seeing how much Ali was struggling with the news. When there was finally silence, Ali was still watching her until she said, “You’re really doing it. You’re going to school and playing soccer.” Ashlyn was having a hard time reading her tone. The corners of Ali’s eyes hinted with tears and she reached her arms around her tightly, “You’re going to make your dreams come true.” Ashlyn put her arms around Ali. She could feel her trembling against her. When the brunette sat up, she smiled through her tears, “You’re going to make it.”

Taking a hold of her shoulders, Ashlyn leaned in close, “So are you. Do you hear me?” Ali was consumed with genuine happiness for Ashlyn’s accomplishment which she realized she hadn’t acknowledged. Her selection to the early admission program was an honor and a privilege. She was so grateful.

Resting her forehead against Ali’s, she whispered, “You’re going to school too.” Raising her eyebrows questioningly, the brunette was silent. Sitting up, Ashlyn asked, “What’s your IQ?”

Ali immediately bowed her head a bit as she peered up.

“Don’t bullshit me, Ali. I’m sure you know it. You did that problem in ‘statistics’ this morning in your head. That’s why he wanted to talk to you, isn’t it? He wants us to show the work and you did that all in your head. You weren’t even paying attention.”

She was stalling. Ashlyn could see her searching for a distraction or a way to change the subject. Shielding her eyes from the sun, she looked up at the jet that raced overhead causing the light blue UNC hat to fall off her head.

Reaching over to pick it up, someone walking by stood with it in their hands first. Jeff watched the two for a moment before he asked Ali, “Is that why you don’t want to suck my dick?” He motioned to Ashlyn. “Because you’re a lesbian?”

It was easy to see the comment made Ali feel like she’d been kicked in the gut. Jeff’s buddy, who was standing beside him snickering, slapped his knee and doubled over laughing.

When Ashlyn put her hand on the table to stand, Ali put her hand on top of it to stop her, “No, I’m just not partial to the taste of asshole.” Jeff’s sarcastic smile faded and his friend stood angrily when she smirked at him and he realized her insinuation.

The two boys looked at each other before turning and leaving the court yard in opposite directions. Jeff threw the hat to the ground as he took one last look back at Ali then disappeared into the building.

Ali threw her leg over the bench and then stood to retrieve the hat. Ashlyn watched her walking across the courtyard now as some whispering had begun. She took her time reaching the far wall where the cap lay beside the water fountain. Ashlyn could see a couple groups pointing at her as she knelt down and picked up the hat. She brushed it off and inspected it carefully. Then, when she stood, she pulled it onto her head and walked back over to the table and sat down beside the blonde. Gathering her things, she looked over at Ash. “I need a minute. I’ll see you in class.” Her voice was solid and there wasn’t a trace of embarrassment in her actions. Leaning across the blonde, she plucked a grape off her tray. Before she popped it in her mouth, she whispered in her ear, “145.”

As Ali crossed to the building, Ashlyn watched as most of their classmates followed her with their eyes. Once she was gone and the door had closed behind her, she pulled out her phone to Google an IQ score of 145. Glancing up and over at the door she’d exited through, Ash set her phone down on the table.


	11. You Will Leave A Mark

Ali didn’t show up for class when the bell rang. But Jeff did. Ashlyn was able to hold it together for about 3 minutes before she turned in her chair, “What’s wrong with you?”

He stopped his conversation with the guys beside him and asked, “What’d you say?”

Ashlyn’s blood began to boil with his demeanor toward her. “The only way you can get a girl to come near you is by forcing her?”

His laugh mocked her. Holding up his hands defensively, he apologized, “Look, Harris. I didn’t realize she was your bitch.” His hesitation hung in the air a moment, “I also didn’t realize you HAD a bitch but whatever.”

Shaking her head at him, she whispered, “You’re petty and small.” Her statement angering him so much, he jumped up from his desk and started around it, “You want to see how small, Harris?”

Turning from the board, Mr. Lineman asked, “Are we comparing brain size, ladies and gentlemen?”

Backing up, Jeff returned to his seat, glaring at Ashlyn. The door to the classroom opened suddenly and Ali walked over to her teacher. Handing him a hall pass, she went to her chair and sat down. She looked over and smiled at Ashlyn until she noticed the tension. She raised her eyebrows and silently mouthed, “You ok?”

Nodding, the blonde returned her attention to the front of the class. When the bell rang, both girls stayed until everyone else had left.

“What happened to you?” Ashlyn’s voice housed more than concern.

“I went to guidance. I had to pick up some things.” She held up a thick folder and said, “I’ve got some things to take care of.” Her eyes wandering from the folder and back to Ali, she asked, “Everything alright?”

She nodded. “I spoke with the coach. Told her that I’m coming to walk on. She had some questions for me. Then she gave me these things to look at if I’m interested.”

Ashlyn felt relieved. “I was afraid that what Jeff said had upset you.”

“About being a lesbian? It was strange hearing him say that. But it’s who I am. It can’t offend me.”

Ashlyn was silent.

“It hadn’t occurred to me. But when I saw you watching me undress and the way you looked at me…”

“I didn’t mean to. I don’t know why I did that.”

“I’d asked you to stay. You felt something. We both did.” Ali seemed resolved about the whole thing. “That’s why I kissed you. I needed to know.”

Ashlyn’s face softened a bit. “You’re amazing.”

Not breaking their connection, Ali smiled a little, “Oh, I don’t know about amazing. A lesbian, apparently, but not really amazing.” Her expressions were a story within their own.

When Ashlyn finally smiled, they both stood to gather their things.

“What did Coach Carol say?” Ashlyn held the door open as Ali walked through it and into the hallway.

“She said she knew who I was and she’s seen me play.”

Ashlyn stopped and waited for Ali to stop. “How does she know who you are?”

“When I was 13, I played on USYS for the Sunshine Conference. I scored a couple goals in the National Championship game.” She was very matter of fact about it.

Ashlyn was just staring now with her mouth hanging open.

Turning slowly in the hopes Ashlyn would drop it and follow her, Ali took a few steps. Finally, she stopped and turned back, “Come on, it’s not that big a deal.”

Ashlyn started out, “Are you kidding me?” Her voice was raised slightly. Rolling her eyes, Ali reached for Ash’s hand and pulled her along behind her out of the crowded hallway.

Alone in an empty classroom, Ali was silently pleading with her to drop the conversation. Ashlyn lowered her voice, “I don’t understand.”

“It’s just a game.”


	12. You Make Loving Fun

Ashlyn walked onto the field at the far end near the fence. It was the only available space to use now that all the high school teams were officially practicing for their seasons. Ali was already there and had been running for what appeared to be a few laps. She’d worked up a sweat and wasn’t really out of breath but definitely a little winded.

Sitting beside her on the uneven bleachers, Ali smiled. “How was the rest of your day?”

Ashlyn looked over at her and smiled a little. There was something about the way she smiled that completely forced her defenses down. “It was good. You?” She nodded, “Yes.”

Ali lifted one leg over to the other side of the bleacher so she was facing Ashlyn. She pulled her tee shirt up and over her head. Then she pulled the hair band out and let her hair drop. Pulling it back up off of her neck, she retied it into a higher pony tail. Ashlyn had been watching her like a slow moving film. When Ali noticed her gaze, she smiled back and before Ashlyn could respond, she leaned in and placed a quick kiss on her lips. Only pulling back a couple inches, she asked, “Are you going to be able to concentrate with me in this sports top?”

Shaking her head slowly, Ashlyn admitted, “I don’t think it really matters what you’re wearing.” Ash was happy she’d been able to provide a comeback. As Ali crinkled up her nose and looked away embarrassed, she was glad she wasn’t the only one who had those moments. Standing, Ash announced, “Alright, let’s get down to business.”

Both girls walking to the back of the field by the fencing, they collapsed on the grass under the shade of the trees. Solidly three hours later and both of them were exhausted. “Ali, promise you’ll visit me often. Just bury me here.”

Ali giggled and looked over at the blonde. She was staring up at the sky, watching the clouds and changing colors of the sunset. Rolling towards the blonde and resting her head on her stomach, she asked, “Do you think I’ll do ok tomorrow? With the drills, I mean?”

Looking down at the brunette, Ashlyn ran a hand through her pony tail and swirled her finger around it. Nodding, she told her, “You’re going to do more than ok.”

Ali smiled back at her until she suddenly felt a chill. Sitting up quickly, she looked up in the direction of the dark storm clouds. “Do you think that’s coming inland,” she questioned.

Sitting up beside her, Ashlyn shook her head, “I don’t know. But that’s a cold wind.”

Both girls stood and started over to the bleachers to collect their things. Ali jogged ahead and threw everything into her bag. Then pulling her tee shirt back on, she waited for Ashlyn to gather everything.

When Ashlyn was ready, she noticed Ali had pulled on the sweatshirt she’d given her the first night they really met. One side of her smile curling up a bit, Ali shrugged, “Yeah, I don’t know if you’re getting this back anytime soon.”

Wrapping her arm around her waist, Ashlyn walked with her towards the parking lot where there was an opening in the fence. Once they’d reached their departure point, they both stopped. Before Ali could hug her and tell her goodbye, Ashlyn turned to her, “Come home with me tonight. Just stay with me so I know you’re safe.”

Ali met her eyes with her own, then lowered her stare a little to peer over her thick eyelashes, “Alright.”

Ashlyn repeated with surprise, “Alright?”

Nodding, Ali again said, “Alright. Do you want to walk with me to my house to get some clothes?”

Ash was able to squeak out, “Uhm, yeah.”

They both turned and started to walk toward the air force bases. It took about 15 minutes and they walked in silence the whole way except for when Ashlyn asked if she could hold Ali’s hand.

Once they approached a house that Ali seemed to be focused on, she turned to Ash and said, “No one should be here.” Ali led the way up the front steps. Opening the front door, she pulled Ash along behind her quickly, no doubt to lessen the odds of running into someone.

She followed Ali into what had to be her bedroom. The walls were lined with books. Shelves and shelves of them. Ali raced around, throwing things she would need into the gym bag. When she thought she had everything, she turned to Ash quickly and said, “Lets go.”

It was obvious she was afraid. Practically running out of the house, Ash followed her at an almost full sprint. When she reached the bottom of the steps, she ran right into her mother. Ali fell back a few steps and her mother questioned, “What’s the hurry?” Noticing Ashlyn behind her, she quizzed, “And who’s this?”

“Mom, this is my friend, Ashlyn”

“Nice to meet you, Ashlyn. You two go to school together?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, isn’t she polite. Maybe you could take a lesson, Alex?”

Frowning at her mother’s address of her, she added, “I’m going to stay at her house tonight. We have some projects we need to finish.”

“Ok,” she called back as both girls sprinted from the house.

Once they were a block away, they slowed to a walk. “We’re ok, now.” Ali glanced back once or twice but Ashlyn wasn’t sure why. She didn’t think she really wanted to know either.

When they reached Ash’s place, they stood halfway around the corner surveying again. When there was nothing out of sorts, they walked across the street and went inside. Following her down the hallway, they were back in the familiar surroundings that Ali knew. They set their bags down and Ali wandered to a shelf did hadn’t noticed before. She looked at a couple pictures and a few books that were stacked beside them. She noticed 2 plaques that were engraved “National Athlete of the Year”. They were from the previous two years. The framed photographs were of her being presented with awards.

Coming to her side, Ashlyn stared at the pictures. Ali took her hand into her own and whispered, “Wow, huh?” Nodding, she agreed, “Yeah. Wow. I just hope it’s enough.”

Ali was studying Ashlyn now. She seemed to be questioning her ability. Turning and going back to sit on the bed, Ali unzipped her bag and said, “If you can’t see that you must be pretty damn good at soccer after they awarded you the best in the whole country the last two years in a row then I don’t know what will convince you.”

Ashlyn turned halfway to look at her. “It’s not that. It’s more about hoping the right people think I’m good enough to be given a shot.”

Setting some clothes in her lap, Ali glanced back up at her, “Are you doing everything in your power to make sure that happens?”

Nodding, Ashlyn was emphatic with her response, “Absolutely.”

Shrugging slightly, Ali finished with, “Then you have to have faith.” She set her things on the bed and went to meet her halfway across the room. “Why don’t you have confidence in yourself? No one else will give you the support you can give yourself.” She took Ashlyn’s hands in hers and waited for her to look at her. “If you can believe in me, I can believe in you.” Her smile was comforting and relaxed her.

“How do you do it? How do you make me feel better like that?”

Ali reached her arms around the blonde and mumbled, “Probably the same way you do for me?” She rested her head against her chest and closed her eyes. Ashlyn put her arms around Ali and held her close resting her chin on the top of her head. “Nothing makes any sense to me anymore.” Ashlyn ran her hands up and down the brunette’s back for comfort, “I thought I had everything all figured out.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Why don’t we get showered and changed….” She pulled away from Ali just enough to glance down.

Ali nodded, “Why don’t you go ahead. I have a couple things to do first.” Ashlyn turned and grabbed her things, then she disappeared into the bathroom and turned on the water.

* * *

When Ashlyn was done, she made sure there was a towel and whatever Ali might need and she took all their clothes to put into the wash. It wasn’t long after she returned, that Ali came out from the bathroom with a towel drying the ends of her hair. “Should I hang this on the rack in there?” She had already taken a step back but stopped when Ash didn’t answer. She was standing at her desk and Ali couldn’t tell if she was thinking or listening for something. Returning the towel to the rack on the wall to dry, she came across the room a few steps and stood beside Ashlyn. Tugging lightly on the arm of her tee shirt, Ali leaned slightly around her to make eye contact. Ashlyn looked down at her and smiled a little.

When Ali’s cell phone beeped, she said, “That’s my friend. I told him to text once he left.”

Questioning silently, Ashlyn waited for her to explain. “The driver for Lou’s shop, I asked him to bring some food by for us. He won’t sell me out to him. He left it at the door for you. Unless you want me to get it?”

“I’ll get it, stay here.”

When Ashlyn returned with two bags, she asked, “When did you do this?”

Ali shyly shrugged and said, “I texted him while you were in the shower. Do you mind? I thought it was the least I could do. It’s what we ate that night…” Ali went to sit on the edge of the bed. “Are you mad?”

Setting the bags down on the top of her desk, Ash asked, “Why on earth would I be mad?” Taking a few steps closer and sitting beside her, she continued, “That was really sweet.”

“I know you’re private and I brought someone uninvited…” Ali stopped talking when she was either caught in Ashlyn’s hazel eyes on her or it was the other way around. Either way, they both were silent.

Ashlyn had raised her hand underneath Ali’s chin and was gently caressing. She had her other arm around Ali’s waist holding her close. They both leaned in to share a soft gentle kiss. Resting a hand on top of Ali’s knee that the night shirt had exposed when she sat down, Ash ran her thumb along the inside lightly. The sensation led Ali to reach around Ash’s waist and begin another kiss that was more in depth. She’d pulled on Ashlyn’s bottom lip with her teeth and then flirted softly with her tongue. Ali was leaning back on the bed and Ashlyn was half lying against her as their kisses grew more familiar. Ash had begun to trail soft kisses down her slender neck, nipping at the delicate skin. Ashlyn could feel her body awakening. Ali’s kisses were demanding more. Running her hand up along Ali’s thigh, she stopped when there was nowhere else to go. Ashlyn was intently consumed with Ali’s eyes that were so inviting and comforting. “We should talk about this,” Ali whispered. Ashlyn nodded and then leaned closer to kiss Ali again. Her hands wandered lightly over Ali’s shoulders and down her chest and rested them on her stomach. “What are we?” Ali asked, ”Girlfriends?”

“I think I like girlfriends,” Ashlyn whispered while running her tongue through Ali’s ear. The sensations elicited a sigh that had Ali closing her eyes. One of Ashlyn’s hands had now found its way under Ali’s nightshirt and rested on her hip lightly. When their kisses became more adventurous, Ali had a leg wrapped around Ashlyn’s waist and the blonde had pulled the nightshirt down far enough that it was dangerously close to exposing one of Ali’s breasts. Pausing between their now breathless kisses, Ali asked, “What do you want? Tell me what you want?”

Ashlyn released the taut collar of the nightshirt and whispered, “I…I want to kiss your body.”

Ali’s rapid breathing was only challenged by the sound of Ashlyn’s frustrated breaths. Silent in thought for a moment, Ali met Ashlyn’s eyes and sat up. Pulling her nightshirt up and over her head, she laid back on the bed and reached for Ashlyn to lie back against her again. Her vulnerability had her biting lightly on her bottom lip, while her eyes silently searched for approval.

Presented with Ali’s suddenly naked body, Ashlyn was staring into Ali’s brown eyes afraid to let them wander. “Kiss me,” she whispered. Ashlyn leaned against her and began kissing her lips again. Ali took one of Ashlyn’s hands and placed it over her breast. “Touch me,” she pleaded with desperation in her voice. The kisses began soft and tender but grew into a deeper, passionate kiss that demanded more. Ashlyn was kneading a breast and then dipped her head to run her tongue over it lightly. When she felt the change in texture, her tongue found her nipple and sucked it into her mouth. Ali gasped and her hand that was tangled into Ashlyn’s hair squeezed tighter.

Looking back up to meet her gaze, Ash raised her eyebrows. The brunette had given up her control to Ashlyn. She wasn’t struggling for power or attempting to make the next move between them. Raising up a few inches, Ashlyn ran her eyes over Ali’s body. Her slender neck where she’d placed kisses and light love bites had made the brunette writhe. The noises that had come from her when her mouth discovered how to lick her nipples and then how hard and taut they’d become afterward was addictive. The sight of them was a picture her mind could never piece together on its own. She enjoyed discovering how to make Ali’s body respond using her tongue or blowing cool air across her breasts and then sucking them into her mouth and pulling with her teeth. It gave Ashlyn a great deal of pleasure knowing that she was able to do that to her.

Her eyes travelled down over her hips and watched how her stomach was breathing with unsteady ripples halting it still at times. Ashlyn could feel the same ripples deep inside her core that were causing the same effect. Ali had opened her legs in the slightest so there was a subtle space between her folds and her thighs. Ashlyn could see the small patch of hair that had collected a bit of visible moisture. Just the sight was enough for her to feel the moisture that had collected between her own legs.

As she kissed her stomach lightly, she realized that was all she was going to be able to do. Ali had offered up her beautiful body to her and Ashlyn just didn’t know what she wanted next. When she met Ali’s eyes, she felt insecure and awkward, “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do anything else. I’m not sure I’m comfortable….” She put her hand on Ali’s stomach and said, “I like touching you. I like feeling your skin.”

Taking one of Ali’s hands, she laced their fingers together. Squeezing the blonde’s hand tightly, Ali let out a breath, “OK, I’m good too.” She seemed relieved. “We know our limits then.” Kissing the back of her hand, she confessed, “I wanted to trust you.” Raising their hands that were still intertwined, Ali pulled it close to her against her chest. Ashlyn laid beside Ali and kissed her lips very softly, “I hope I didn’t disappoint you.” She whispered.

Ali never broke her gaze with the blonde. She smiled shyly and shook her head, “Nothing about you is a disappointment to me. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to let someone take control. You were so sweet, you made me feel comfortable.” Ali smiled as she blushed, “I was really nervous about being naked in front of you.”

“Why?”

Ali thought to herself for a moment and said, “Lou was looking at me in a sexual way long before I ever thought about my body as sexual. He’s made me feel ashamed of growing into a woman. I’m always so on guard about anyone looking at me.”

“How did you feel about me looking at your body?”

Ali blushed and then smiled a little. “I just kind of did it. I didn’t really think about you actually looking at me. And you made me feel so good. I liked how you touched me. You were gentle with me.”

Ash smiled at her thinking about how nervous she was to touch her and Ali was just as nervous. “I think I chickened out of anything else. Kissing you, right now, is just so nice. I’m enjoying getting to know you like that.”

Ali was blushing again, “I like kissing you.”

” Your body is beautiful. You’re a very pretty girl. But I think we’re going to need to take our time.” Ashlyn was tying to be delicate about it. “It’s not you, I just don’t feel ready for sex.”

Ali covered her face with her hand, “I shouldn’t have taken my clothes off, I’m sorry.” She buried her face into Ashlyn’s shoulder, “I’m not ready for sex. I just wanted to give you what you said….so you could kiss my body.”

“I’m really happy that you did that for me. I enjoyed it a lot.” Peeking up at Ashlyn, she questioned, “Are you sure?”

Ash nodded with a big smile on her face, “Super sure.”

Ali laughed. “That’s the most ‘sex’ I’ve ever had. I really do value my virginity.”

“You don’t ever have to worry about me pressuring you into something you don’t want to do.” Ash smiled with a bit of cockiness and a deep dimple played on her cheek, “So then I guess I’m a good girlfriend, huh?”

Ali laughed, “Yes, you are.”

Pulling the brunette against her, Ashlyn kissed her shoulder. “You have to make it on the team. I want us to get out of here together.”

Looking up surprised, Ali questioned, “Together?”

“I don’t think I could just leave and forget about you if I tried.”

The conviction behind Ashlyn’s words meant more to Ali than anything ever had in her life. When the blonde looked over to make sure that Ali knew she was serious, she promised, “You’re going to do amazing things.”

The words and their sentiment felt like a warm blanket wrapped around her heart. The feeling brought tears to the corners of her eyes. Sitting up, Ali reached for her nightshirt and pulled it over her head. Quickly wiping away any remnants of moisture in her eyes, she asked, “We’ll still talk when you go away?” Sitting up beside her, Ashlyn nodded, “Yes. I want to know everything that’s happening. I want you to talk to me about all of it.”

Ali smiled, embarrassed, and rested her head against Ashlyn. “You and I are good together.” Ashlyn reached her arm around her. “I always want you in my life.”

Reaching for the bag beside her, Ash pulled out a sandwich and handed it to Ali. “Thank you for doing this.”

Unwrapping the sandwich, Ali took a quick bite and said matter of fact, “I wish there was something more I could do to repay you for what you did.”

Immediately reaching over and stopping her, Ashlyn told her, “You NEVER have to thank me for that. Any human being should automatically be inclined to help someone in that situation.”

Ashlyn slowly unwrapped her sandwich, then before she took a bite, she nodded, “But I understand. Everybody doesn’t always do the right thing.”

They were quiet for a while, then Ashlyn asked, “Alex?”

Looking up slowly, Ali saw the blonde was searching for an explanation.

“Alexandra. I’m not fond of it. It makes me a little angry when someone uses it.”

Ashlyn was still watching her, hoping for a little more info without having to press. “I only remember my father calling me Alex. I guess I’m still angry he left.” The blonde nodded. She could definitely relate.

Ali thought for a minute after she took another bite. “We’re girlfriends.” A smile was slowly creeping across her face.

“And you know what else?” Ashlyn smiled. “I’ve seen you naked.” She whispered.

Covering her face again, Ali laughed out loud. “Do you know, I think this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had without someone or something interrupting us?”

Ash snickered.

“So I guess you’ll leave right after the holidays?” Ali wanted to know the details. “You’ll live there and go to school there….and I suppose there’ll be no reason to have to come back if you can help it.”

Ashlyn reached for her hand and held it tight.

Ali was serious. “Ashlyn, don’t ever look back if you get out.” There were times when her expressions were mature beyond her years and commanded attention. The way she was looking at Ashlyn right now was giving her chills. Finally Ali broke her gaze and looked down to inspect her sandwich.

“I really….DID NOT like you,” Ashlyn declared. Ali provided a side eye toward the blonde to silently let her know she was not taking the bait. Ali was avoiding looking up.

“How come you agreed to stay with me tonight?”

Ali wrapped up what was left of her sandwich and set it aside on the desk beside the bed. Lying back against the pillow, she shrugged, “No reason.” She’d taken a long portion of her hair and was braiding it to one side. “Why couldn’t we have met sooner?”

Lying beside the brunette, Ashlyn put her arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. Ali immediately adjusted and rested her head under the blonde’s chin against her chest. Wrapping her arms around Ashlyn’s body tightly, Ali sniffled back tears, “This moment right now, with you holding me, it’s the best I could ever imagine.”

Her body was warm with emotion. Ashlyn ran her hands up and down her back soothingly. Then slowly she ran her hands down lower and over her delicate bottom that was still sore from the beating she’d taken. Lying on her side and relaxed, the nightshirt had ridden up and wasn’t completely covering her. Ashlyn could feel the welts on her skin as she ran her fingers across her body. She felt Ali tense up at first but Ash didn’t hesitate and soon she relaxed again in her arms.

She imagined that Ali’s words were the closest she’d ever come to saying I love you. She’d also divulged a lot of difficult personal information. Ashlyn could see it wasn’t always easy for her to do but she was invested in honesty and communication.

Feeling eyes on her, she noticed Ali was watching her. “What are you thinking?” She wanted to know. Ashlyn smiled at her and said, “How this feels right now, holding you, is the best I could ever imagine.”


	13. Mad World

It was close to midnight when the two decided they needed to shut up and get some sleep. They’d talked for hours. Ali had figured out new and inventive ways to get Ashlyn to reveal embarrassing things about herself that she swore she would not talk about. Ashlyn spent much of her summers in the ocean surfing. She loved the water. She also loved to draw. Ashlyn had stacks of ribbons that she’d won for her art. Around the time she started high school, she stopped and focused more on athletics.

Ashlyn found out some things about Ali that she was happy she knew. She spent a lot of time at the library, either at school or the local one. It afforded her the luxury of a comfortable setting, it was quiet and she knew she was safe. Ali also had a bus pass that she invested in. She still went to watch a lot of the youth soccer games and tournaments that she played when she was a kid. She said she enjoyed the freedom she saw in the way the kids at that age played the game and thought a lot about coaching youth soccer.

Ashlyn’s alarm rang at six am. They both opened their eyes in exactly the same place they’d closed them: wrapped in each other’s warm embrace. Ali immediately smiled so brightly that Ashlyn couldn’t help herself but to smile back.

Ali rolled onto her back and took Ashlyn’s hand. She held it against her chest and whispered, “Good morning.”

Her eyes were still heavy with sleep and her hair fell over her shoulders in an unruly way. Ash smiled back thinking to herself that she was the most precious thing she’d ever seen. Ali immediately read her expression and wanted to know, “What are you thinking?”

Ash pursed her lips and scrunched her face unconsciously because she didn’t want to admit what she was thinking. Turning slightly, Ali mirrored her expression before breaking into a smile, “What’s wrong, what’s that face?”

Ash gave in, “I don’t know what this is. I’ve only known you a few days and I can feel it, I’m smitten.”

Ali tried to hold her smile back. “I know what you mean. I don’t know what these feelings are.” Studying the blonde, Ali asked, “Could it be that it’s because you’re my first? I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend or anything….” Ash considered it. When she looked back to meet Ali’s waiting eyes, she pulled her into her arms and halfway on top of her, “Whatever it is, I’m ok with it.”

Ali threw her arms around Ashlyn’s neck and hugged her. “Me too.” Pushing herself up and straddling Ashlyn, she looked down in a bit of a pout, “I don’t want to miss you.” Ashlyn tried to smile, “I know. I thought about that too.” They were both quiet, each watching the other. “Come here, Ali.” When she leaned down, Ashlyn tucked her stray brown hairs back behind her ears. Easily lost in each other’s eyes, it didn’t take long before they were trading soft kisses. Ali let her hands explore Ash’s body. As they slowly traveled across her chest and trailed down her stomach, she could feel the blonde’s breathing change. Ashlyn finally couldn’t fight Ali’s power struggle and raised her arms over her head giving her control. She’d started tugging on her lip with her teeth and it made her lose all control over her senses.

Ali had lifted Ashlyn’s tee shirt up a little so she could put both of her hands on her warm skin. Then she leaned down and kissed her stomach. She felt her stomach become tense and when her lips touched her again and she trailed her warm tongue around her belly button, Ashlyn whined, “Oh, Ali, …..no.” The brunette looked up at her and smiled coyly.

Her breathing deep, Ash warned her, “Do you know that sex we said we weren’t ready for….” Ali returned to her side and nodded, “I know. I just wanted you to feel what I felt.”

“I certainly felt it,” she let out a breath. “You really got me going.”

Ali narrowed her eyes a bit.

“You got me excited,” she clarified.

Ali smiled, “Oh, I know exactly what I did. You had me so totally excited that I was a mess. My body never responded that way before.”

“So that was payback? Really?” Ashlyn frowned. Forcing herself on top of Ali, Ash nodded, “Now you’re going to get it.” Her hands reached under her arms and started to tickle her mercilessly. When Ali would fight her way out of one area, Ash would invade another. She kept it up until she felt that Ali had had enough. Still laughing on her side, Ali was catching her breath.

Sitting up, Ash looked back over her shoulder, “We’re going to be late if we don’t get it together.”

Reluctantly nodding, Ali sat up. “Alright.”

* * *

The day seemed to go by in the blink of an eye. Ash felt like she was running a marathon trying to keep up. Even in class, she felt like she was one step behind. She couldn’t wait to be able to sit down and breathe. 

When Euro History ended, Ash just put her head down and took a breath. Ali put a hand on her back and whispered, “Are you alright?”

Resting her head sideways, Ash peeked out from under her arm, “Mmhmm..”

Ali smiled, “Do you want to sit outside for lunch?”

Sitting up to gather her things, Ash asked, “Do you think today went by fast?”

Bending over to pick up her bag, Ali shook her head, “I think it’s taking forever.” Jumping up quickly and dropping her bag, Ali screamed and turned as Jeff was excusing himself through the aisle of desks.

He put his hands up as an apology, “Pardon me. I didn’t see you down there.” Taking another couple of steps, he turned and nodded, “Hey, Harris.” His arrogance was maddening.

Ali watched him pass by with her eyes until he was almost to the door. Standing and coming to her side, Ash asked, “What did he do?” Ali’s face was red with embarrassment and she was fighting back tears. He took one last glance at them from over his shoulder before he left the room.

“Girls,” their teacher questioned, “Is there a problem?”

Ashlyn looked to Ali questioningly, but she only shook her head and reached for her bag again. Ashlyn looked back over at her teacher who was waiting for a better explanation. Ali tried to walk to the door when he stopped her, “Excuse me?” His voice demanded her attention. Still with her back to them, Ali stood motionless. Ashlyn wanted to go to her but their teacher had already reached her side. His voice was calm and reserved as he spoke to her. He’d held up his hand, motioning for Ash to stay put. Ali was nodding as he questioned her and then there was silence before she heard Ali sniffle back tears. He asked her another question and Ash could see her shoulders stiffen. She hesitated for a long time and then Ashlyn saw her nod slowly. Their teacher reached up and put a hand on her shoulder for comfort. He whispered something else to her and then motioned for Ash, “Why don’t you take her down to the main office? I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming.” He waited for Ashlyn to reach her side before he spoke again to Ali, “Miss Krieger, less is more.” She nodded. With that, he went back to his desk and picked up the class phone.


	14. Don't Panic

Ashlyn walked out into the hallway with Ali and could see her distress. She was trying to hold it together. Ashlyn looked at all the kids passing by them and the expressions on their faces. As they moved through the crowd, some were focused on their next destination while some engaged in conversation. The hallway seemed to go on forever and there was no end in sight. When Ashlyn saw tears streaking Ali’s cheeks, she didn’t care where they were or who was watching. “Fuck this,” she mumbled. Nothing else mattered in that moment. Taking hold of Ali’s arm to stop her, she pulled her into her arms and held her tight. Ali was crying now and Ashlyn was holding her against her chest whispering in her ear the whole time, “It’s alright. I’ve got you.” They moved down the hall together slowly with Ashlyn waving people around them, “Listen to my voice, ok, just hold on to me.”

The second bell rang and the traffic in the hall was immediately almost nonexistent. Finally, she felt Ali getting herself together. She looked up and into Ashlyn’s eyes and studied her face. Before the brunette could utter a syllable, Ash asked, “Do you want to know what I’m thinking?”

The conviction in her voice and the hold she had around Ali’s waist was more than any words could reveal at that point. Shaking her head, Ali smiled slightly and whispered out, “I already know.” Placing a quick but meaningful kiss on her lips, Ashlyn took her hand and they opened the door to the office.

When Ali reached the office, a representative from administration, the dean as well as guidance were waiting to meet her. She was assured that her safety would be a priority and that they would not tolerate any instance of retaliation by any student.

Mr. Russell, the A.P. Statistics teacher, submitted a complaint stating that he saw a male student physically and sexually assault a female student in his classroom. The student was emotionally upset. He questioned what happened and she stated that while she was bent over he grabbed her hips from behind and roughly pulled her back against him and his erection.

By the end of the day, Jeff had been physically removed from the premises by the local police department. He was no longer a member of the football team, and his suspension was pending disciplinary action regarding assault charges that were submitted by a member of the staff who witnessed the event.

The conversation finally settled on whether or not Ali felt up to going back to classes or leaving for the day. She adamantly stated that she was ok to finish. Ashlyn sat with her through everything and held her hand for support when needed. When they were dismissed and finally alone, Ali apologized, “I’m sorry that…” Ashlyn put a finger to her lips. “Don’t.” She waited until the brunette’s face relaxed into a smile. As they started down to the locker rooms, Ashlyn put her arm around her shoulder and squeezed before letting go.

The main field was crowded with people being assigned to drill lanes and coaches to work with. Before they stepped out of the building, the pair watched for a few minutes in silence. Finally Ashlyn opened the door and held it. Ali stepped out and took a deep breath. Stopping and looking back at Ash, Ali questioned with her eyes. “You go ahead,” the blonde nodded. Coming back to her side, Ali whispered, “Good luck.” She leaned up and kissed her on the cheek before turning and jogging toward the field. Ashlyn watched her as she was met by a few students and two of the coaches. She quickly blended into the crowd and became a part of the working machine on the field.

Ashlyn hated being a part of the ‘walk on’ try out. It didn’t make her want to try and less but the anxiety and pressure of possibly not making the team could jeopardize everything. She was separated from the rest of the players for most of the try out. All the goal keepers went through different drills and exercises on another part of the field. By the last session, they brought them all in to the same area for a final look at their conditioning and endurance.

Once everything was over, Ash was lying in the grass beside the field. She had her arms over her face contemplating her performance and picking apart everything she’d done. She knew they were posting a list of anyone they wanted to return tomorrow in the gym but she wanted to wait until the majority of the people had gone. Her nerves had gotten the best of her. After a three hour marathon, she was completely exhausted. They ran the walk on tryout extra hard to weed out anyone who thought they deserved a spot on the team. Usually, almost half left the field on their own. Anyone that was left standing, was judged swiftly and with no leniency. Their program was unmatched for a reason.

“Ash?”

When Ali called her name, Ashlyn quickly sat up. She couldn’t tell whether she’d fallen asleep or gotten lost in her thoughts. She looked back and saw Ali standing there holding her shin guards clasped in her hands in front of her. Scrambling to her feet, she took a few steps closer. She saw tears but then Ali nodded and smiled. “I made it through cuts today.” Letting out a breath, Ashlyn pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head.

“Ali, can I take you home with me?” Ashlyn pulled back a little to look into her eyes, “I want to kiss your body.” Wrapping her arms around her again, she whispered, “And wake up with you in my arms.”

The brunette had buried her face into Ashlyn’s chest. So when she spoke, it was muffled and inaudible. Knowing she hadn’t heard what she said, Ali slowly met Ashlyn’s focus that was already on her. “I’m falling in love with you,” she whispered. Although her cheeks burned, she never broke her gaze. Softly caressing her cheek with her hand, Ashlyn smiled, “That’s what these feelings are.”


	15. Sway

Friday, December 20

When the two returned to the dark house, Ashlyn turned on the light in the living room and set her bag down beside the sofa. Then she turned and took Ali’s bag from her. Leaning up, Ali placed a soft kiss on Ashlyn’s lips, “Thank you.”

They lingered for a moment, lost in each other’s closeness. Then Ashlyn suggested, “Why don’t you get your shower. I’ll make us something to eat.” Ali nodded and headed for the bedroom, “Alright.”

While Ali changed, Ashlyn took all of their clothes from the bags and gathered Ali’s clothes that she’d just taken off and put them in the wash. She then went to the kitchen and started to make some sandwiches. When Ali came into the kitchen, she went to Ashlyn’s side and asked, “You started the clothes didn’t you? That’s my job.”

“It’s alright. I didn’t want to you going into the basement with your hair all wet.” Leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek, she scooped up the carrot peels and put them into the trash bag. Twisting off the bread tie, Ali asked, “Then let me finish up with this while you shower?”

Straining the rinsed carrots, Ash set them aside in a bowl. “Alright, thank you.” Before she left the room, she stopped, “And the lemon peels made a big difference. It’s smells nice in here.” Ali popped a piece of the vegetable in her mouth and smiled back, “It does, doesn’t it?” The way she crinkled her nose up when she spoke, made Ash hang in the doorway for another moment watching her.

When Ashlyn came back into the kitchen, Ali had set the table for the both of them. They each had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, some cut up carrots and Ali had sliced up an apple for them to share. She set two glasses of water on the table before sitting beside Ash on the bench and sliding over. “Do you feel better,” she asked the blonde.

Nodding, as she chewed up a big bite of her sandwich, Ash held a carrot waiting to put it in her mouth. Once she’d taken a long swallow of water, Ash took a bite of the carrot and said, “I read the list of recruiters that’ll be at the tournament tomorrow. Did you see?”

Ali nodded.

“Are you nervous?”

Ali nodded.

“…Because you’re starting?”

Resting her head against Ashlyn, Ali took a bite of the apple piece and shrugged her shoulders.

Putting her arm around her, Ash comforted, “You’re tired, aren’t you?” Ali had closed her eyes and hummed a yes. “Why don’t we pack this up and get you into bed?” Her eyes still closed, she slightly smiled a little, “Yes, let’s.”

Once everything was put away, they went back to the bedroom. Ali climbed into bed. Ashlyn pulled the covers up over her and gave her a kiss goodnight. “Aren’t you coming,” she pouted when she realized Ashlyn had tucked her in alone. “If I’m coming to watch your tournament all weekend, I have to get some reading done.” Ash was right and Ali knew it. Ashlyn sat at her desk with her book opened. She flipped through a couple pages before she found what she was looking for.

Ali was lying in bed facing the blonde, trying to entice her into joining her in bed. She’d slid a leg out from under the covers and wagged it until Ashlyn glanced over and smiled. When she returned to her book, she read two pages before Ali pulled off her night shirt and tossed it onto Ashlyn’s lap, covering her book. Looking up, Ashlyn asked, “Are you lying to me right now?”

Her face displaying confusion, Ali questioned with her raised eyebrows. “Because if you’re insinuating that if I get into bed with you that we’re going to have sex, it’s a lie. Don’t tease me.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I certainly didn’t want that. I’ve just gotten used to falling asleep with you beside me.” Ali had the covers pulled up against her chest modestly and was trying to get comfortable. Ash was only playing around and hadn’t meant to scold her. Going to the bedside, Ash knelt down, “Try this.” She took a pillow and put it behind her back and shoulders while she was on her side. “Now lean back on it a little.” Ali smiled. Ash snuggled her into the covers and pillows warmly. Leaning over to kiss her lips, she asked, “You’re really nervous about tomorrow, aren’t you?” Ali nodded, “I just want to do well.”

Leaning on her elbows, Ash told her, “You’re off to a great start. You’ve started every game and played every minute. You’re tied for second in the conference for goals.”

“I am?”

“Yeah, I looked it up on Thursday.”

Ali rested her head back on the pillow a little more and seemed to be thinking. “You’re doing great. You know Coach wouldn’t have you starting if that wasn’t the case.” Ashlyn had started running her fingers back through her long brown hair that was just about dry. Her eyes were getting heavy when she blinked but she was fighting to stay awake and keep listening to the blonde.

Ashlyn stood slowly and turned off her bedroom light. Then she went back to sit at the desk and turned on the small desk light. It made the room a more ambient environment for Ali to sleep but gave Ash enough light to read. When she heard her breathing even out, she glanced over. Lying on her side, Ali was tucked back into a cocoon of soft blankets and pillows that surrounded her. She looked so comfortable and warm it made Ash want to climb in beside her naked body and sleep with her arms around her. The thoughts invading her head made her smile. They’d been pseudo living together for three and a half months. They had the majority of their core classes together, they spent every day together on the soccer field and it just made sense. After Jeff had done what he had to her, their bond changed. That whole day had released a flood of emotions that neither of them could ignore.

Fear. Anger. Vulnerability. Longing. And even love. Suddenly the world around them appeared in technicolor. Ashlyn kept needing to be around Ali more and more and Ali kept wanting to let her. The rogue lifestyle they’d become accustomed to living became something they could barely recognize anymore.

Mr. Russell had seen Jeff taunting Ali in class the day before. When he kept her afterwards, he’d asked her if she was alright. She’d told him that he didn’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer. The teacher had Ali for a total of five different classes over the years. He’d gotten to know her and what to expect from her. She’d been placed in an advanced class at a very young age. It came at a time when Ali’s parents had recently separated, and her mother had started seeing someone.

_Ali had been particularly distracted in class one day. She wasn’t paying attention and she couldn’t seem to sit still. At one point, she just put her book in her backpack and left the classroom. She was a smart girl. Unfortunately, without the right guidance, kids like Ali always ended up with the same fizzled ending. They either dropped out of school, became pregnant or succumbed to some form of addiction. Her situation was no different and had been culminating into the perfect storm. _

_At recess, he’d spotted her sitting by herself leaning on the fencing. When he approached her that day she was guarded and withdrawn. If he hadn’t been so familiar to her and such a soft spoken man, she most likely wouldn’t have spoken to him at all. He sat across from her and just watched the playground for a while. _

_“Did you ever notice how people always want to talk to you when you just want to be left alone?” His voice was even and calm. “Why do you think that is?”_

_She’d looked over at him silently. Her usually bright brown eyes were dark with disappointment. There was a hint of betrayal in someone she should have been able to trust and had broken her spirit. _

_“Sometimes, Miss Krieger, the less we say, says much more about us than we realize.” _

_Ali looked away from him. “Someone’s hurt you, I can see that.” Her eyes wandered back up to his. “I don’t know exactly what they’ve done to you, but I need you to know it’s not your fault.” She shifted uncomfortably. “Do you know where the library is near the police station?” She nodded. Taking out his wallet, he pulled out a card. Looking at it for a moment, he glanced up slowly. “If you ever, are in trouble, need help or just want someone to talk to, this is a safe place that you can go. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night, you can go there or you can call and someone will help you.” Handing her the card, he said, “Look for the colors on the door. If you can’t trust anyone in your life, Miss Krieger, you need to trust yourself to get help.”_

_He sat with her for a few more minutes before standing. “I’ll never betray your trust.” She watched him with more focus, almost looking like she wanted to say something. _

_“When I was about ten, my parents split up. My mother started seeing this guy that my younger sister and I really didn’t like. He made us both uncomfortable. He did things to us that adults shouldn’t do to children.” He was looking across the play ground but he could see he had gotten her attention and made his point. Before he left her, he added, “We didn’t have anyone we could call.”_

It had happened so quickly that if the teacher had blinked in that moment he would have missed it. He most likely hadn’t because he’d been watching Jeff leer at her throughout the whole class. His body language was aggressive and purposeful. Ali’s suggestion that he didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer was enough for Mr. Russell to become vigilant toward his behavior.

She’d wanted to push past what had happened and ignore it but he couldn’t let it go this time. Every time she acquiesced to another transgression; it would break her down a little more.

When he called after her and she stopped, he knew how to talk with her. He went to her side and spoke calmly again in an even tone. He asked her if she was alright. Afraid that her voice would betray her attempted calm, she could only nod her head to answer his questions. He asked her if she was afraid of him. Her fear was obvious. He asked her if she felt threatened. Remembering the feeling of his hand around her throat, her body stiffened before she could answer. When he put a hand on her shoulder for comfort, he asked if she felt his behavior would continue. Ali knew in her heart that he would have killed her under the pier and if given the chance, she was sure he’d follow through. She nodded yes realizing how much she didn’t want to die at his hands. He reminded her that even though she hadn’t said a word, he could already see all these things about her. He told her that he saw what Jeff had done to her and was going to report it and she would be taken seriously. He asked if she would trust him enough to help her. She was frightened and her decision came with hesitation. But finally, her decision came with her nodding slowly.

Ashlyn and Ali had cleaned up the house and made it a home. Her mother lived off of enough public assistance that there weren’t any bills to worry about. No one had shown up looking for her parents and it appeared they weren’t coming back.

Ali’s mother, for some reason, now forced her to stay home on Sunday nights. They’d both come to dread the end of the weekend for fear of being apart and for fear of what would be waiting for Ali at the house that night. For the most part, her mother didn’t want to spend time with her or even talk to her on Sunday nights. It was mostly to remind Ali that she was still her child and that she had that control over her.

Ashlyn had only seen or spoken to Ali’s mother on one other occasion in all this time. Honestly, it was a quick wave from the porch when she’d happened to be coming home around the time she was leaving Ali one Sunday night. She still had no idea where Ashlyn lived or anything about her. Hating so much to have to be there, Ali had pushed and pushed until her mother agreed to her curfew to be home Sunday night was 10 PM. So far she’d been able to get away with avoiding any confrontations and gone right to her bedroom to sleep. Ashlyn to this day has never even seen evidence that Lou existed or was around when Ali was home. She was torn with her feelings because she was afraid or what she might say or do when the day came that she did finally see him.

Ashlyn had become attached. She would walk Ali home and then refuse to let her go. She held her in her arms, trying to sooth her shaking, until only seconds remained before her curfew. Ali would text with Ashlyn until she’d made it home safely and they would both say goodnight promising to meet in the usual place in the morning.

Watching Ali sleep for another moment, Ashlyn turned the page and began reading again. Her eyes were getting tired. It was almost eight o’clock. Glancing over at Ali again, Ashlyn watched her breathing. She thought she’d heard her. Returning to her reading, she realized she had heard someone moving and they were in the house. As Ashlyn turned in the chair, her bedroom door was slowly opening, “Hey Ash,” Chris whispered. “Are you awake?”

She quickly stood and was frozen staring back. He took a step inside the doorway and smiled, “I’m glad I didn’t wake you.” In one motion, when Ali stirred in her sleep, Chris’s eyes landed on what he could see was a partially naked girl in his sister’s bed.

He snapped his head back up at her and Ashlyn put her finger to her lips to hush him and she motioned him out into the hallway. Ashlyn followed him quietly and pulled the bedroom door halfway closed behind her. Once out in the hall, she whispered, “Let’s go sit on the porch, ok?”

She followed Chris onto the porch, and she went to sit on the swing. Chris was standing by the door still looking confused. Looking to his sister, he asked while pointing, “Who is that?”

Running her hands over her face and back through her hair, Ashlyn huffed, “It’s fine, it’s my girlfriend.”

“Well I sure hope you know her,” he paced. “I would hate to think……” He stopped mid-sentence and turned back to look at her, “Wait, girlfriend….girlfriend?”

Ashlyn bit her bottom lip and kept her eyes fixed on him and nodded, “Yes.”

Chris looked like his head was going to explode, “So you’re…”

“Yes.”

Chris crossed the porch and sat beside her on the swing. He put his hand to his head and moaned out, “Whoa. I didn’t see that coming.”

Laughing out, Ashlyn mumbled, “Join the club.”

He looked over at her and studied her face. “Really?” He questioned. “No shit?”

Rolling her eyes, now she was getting irritated, “I’m not going to say it again.”

In an attempt to defend himself, he tried, “I don’t mean it like that, it’s just…. whoa.”

“If you say that again, I’m going to punch you, how about that?”

Breaking his gaze with her, he asked, “Mom and dad let her stay here?”

Ashlyn sat back in the swing, “They never came back, Chris.”

Turning to face her, he housed concern in his eyes. “About a month ago, a skip tracer found me and said he was looking for them too. I don’t know what they’re involved in but I’m guessing they skipped a serious court charge.” He hesitated, then asked, “You haven’t seen anyone?”

She shook her head. “But I’m not here that often.”

Huffing, he grunted, “Yea, I know. This is the third time I’ve been here looking for you.”

Ashlyn realized he didn’t know about her scholarship either. “You know, soccer takes up a lot of my day after I’m done with classes. And well….”

He was watching her struggle with how to say whatever else she needed to tell him. She took a deep breath and blurted out, “I got the early admission scholarship to UNC. I’m leaving in less than two weeks.”

“Holy shit!” His hands were back on his head again.

Ashlyn laughed.

“Congratulations. Whoa…” As soon as he said it, he apologized, “Don’t punch me. You’re already throwing a lot at me. Like, wow. I can’t believe it.” When she gave him an angry glare, he shook his head, “No, I don’t mean like I’m shocked cause I know you busted your ass for it but….Jesus, you’re touchy.”

He sat just absorbing for a bit, then he started with the questions, “Tell me about the naked girl, stud?”

Ashlyn put her hand to her forehead and shook it, “I can’t believe you just said that.” She could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Chris apologized, “I’m sorry. This is like, if I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t have believed it. She goes to school with you, I guess?”

“Yeah, she’s a junior.”

Giving her a serious stare, he raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Ash, tell me she’s not real bright and was left back, please?”

Ashlyn was confused.

“I don’t know if it works the same way with two chics but you’re eighteen. She’s underage. You can’t have sex with an….” Holding up her hand to stop him, she said, “First of all, we’re not having sex.”

“You’re not?”

“No, we’re not. Don’t look so surprised. It’s not all about what you can get.”

“Well, if Mr. Friendly Neighborhood Bounty Hunter comes by, explain to him why she’s in your bed, naked.”

“And she’s not stupid, she’s brilliant. She plays soccer….and I think I love her.” Ashlyn’s face turned light pink. She’d looked away because she could feel him looking at her again. When she felt her nerve had built back up, she met his curious stare. She smiled a little, holding back letting on too much enthusiasm. When her brother started to smile at her, Ashlyn warned, “If you say ‘whoa’, I swear on everything holy…”

His smile only grew, “You love her, huh? Little sister, you’re full of surprises.” He watched a car turning the corner and driving by the house. “How’s that going to play out when you leave?”

Her smile faded and she shrugged slightly, “We’re going to make it work. She’s going to go to UNC too.”

He watched her thinking. “I guess her family’s got money then. Looks like you really made out good.”

Ashlyn’s face flashed with anger and she stood up, “No, her family doesn’t have money. What’s with you? She applied to the Cornerstone Scholarship. And she’s good, so she’s going to get it.” Waving her hands as she spoke, she went on, “She’s playing a big tournament tomorrow and she’s starting.”

Her outburst caught him off guard. She was pacing across the porch, back and forth, slowly. When she stopped to take a breath, he tried to ask, “Are you afraid of the distance between you?”

Her hands on her hips, her anguished expression exposed how deep her feelings were, “I’m afraid of leaving her, not being able to see her every day, not knowing if she’s alright…not being able to look out for her when she needs it…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes dropped to her feet. She couldn’t bring herself to look up at him.

Standing slowly, he crossed the porch and closed the space between them. “Hey, there’s a million ways to keep in touch and stay connected.” He’d lowered his voice. “I had no idea how much things had changed with you.”

She still hadn’t looked up at him. “Yeah, well that’s what happens when you disappear for 6 months.”

He knew she wasn’t going to forgive him anytime soon for leaving her. But if he hadn’t left when he did, there was no chance of either of them ever being ok. He’d left in the hopes he could get himself together enough to be able to come back for her. It just happened to turn out harder than he expected. All he could do was try to keep their relationship on the best terms he was able to. “Hey, how come you’re not playing?”

She’d calmed herself and set her emotions in check, “It’s a showcase. Some of the best colleges will be there to look at players who haven’t committed to a school or signed yet.”

“Can I meet her? If she really means that much to you, I’d like to get to know her.” Ashlyn smiled at the thought of Ali meeting a member of her family that she actually had a relationship with.

“I’d like that.”

“How old is she?”

Ash looked at him for a long time before she answered. “Sixteen.”

He put his hand up to the back of his neck and massaged. He was struggling to keep his mouth shut.

“She’s smart, Chris. Really smart. She’s in all my A.P. classes and she’s sixteen.”

When a light breeze blew through, Ash ran her hands over her bare arms. “Let’s go inside. It’s getting late and I’m in my bare feet.” Pulling open the screen door, she looked back over her shoulder. Taking a couple steps closer, he held the door until she was inside and followed after her.

Standing in the middle of the living room, Chris looked around. The place was clean and organized and he could almost remember a time when it felt like home. On the end table beside the fireplace, there was a small two foot tall Christmas tree set up. It was so small that there were only four small Christmas balls and one thin string of garland that wrapped around it maybe three times. It was simple and humble but Chris could see what it represented was something much more important.

When Ash had returned, she’d put on a sweatshirt and a pair of socks. She came to his side and looked at the tree on the table. She smiled slightly and waved her hand out, “Ali wanted it. She wanted to make things cozy for me.”

“Ali?”

Ash nodded.

“What’s that smell? I can’t place it.”

Ash laughed, “That’s Ali. She put some salt in an orange peel. Something about the chemical reaction. It smells nice doesn’t it?”

Chris looked down at his watch and then at Ash. “What time is the game tomorrow?”

“She has to be there at 10:30. Game starts at noon. Where are you staying?”

“I wasn’t staying anywhere. I was going to take the bus back.”

“You still at Mike’s?”

Chris shook his head and put his hands into his jean pockets, “Na, that kinda didn’t work out. I got a room at this place.” He wandered over to the sofa and sat on the edge. There was a book laying on the table with a pair of glasses on top of it. He picked them up and asked, “You got glasses?”

She smiled thinking about Ali in her glasses. Looking up quickly, she shook her head, “No.” Setting them down carefully, he stood and asked, “Can we meet somewhere tomorrow? Maybe get some food so we can talk and get to know each other?”

“Sure. Why don’t you come here? We’ll make dinner.”

Chris looked at his watch again. “If I’m catching that bus I have to go.” He took a step closer and leaned in halfway but was hesitant until Ash reached around him with one arm for a quick hug. He gave her a quick return and asked, “Can I bring something?”

Walking him to the door, she shook her head, “It’s ok. We’ll keep it simple. Spaghetti maybe.”

Before he left, he said he hoped the tournament went well. Then he was gone. Ashlyn turned off the lights as she walked through the house. Closing her bedroom door behind her quietly, she went to her desk and turned off the lamp. Ali was still sleeping in the same place. Ash climbed in behind her so the wall was against her back and pulled up the covers. She ran her fingers through Ali’s hair so it was off of her shoulder. Then she slid her arms around Ali’s waist and brought her body closer. Kissing her neck lightly and then her shoulder, she rested her head there. Her skin was warm and breathing in her scent immediately relaxed her. She had curled one arm underneath her, pulling her close. Her other arm was resting along her waist with her hand draped over her hip.

After a minute, she felt Ali’s breathing change. She rolled over and curled her body into Ashlyn’s arms, her head resting against the crook of her shoulder. Ashlyn loved the feeling of holding her this way. Her hands running over her soft skin, pulling her closer. She’d only really seen Ali naked that first time she’d taken her clothes off. She knew that neither of them were ready for it because neither of them knew what they wanted or even what to do. Since then, their make out sessions had come a long way. They’d figured out how to find a comfortable compromise when it came to who took the lead. Most nights, their kissing had worked them up into a breathless frenzy before they stopped. Recently, Ash found that when she was on top, she could bring her thigh up between Ali’s legs and she would grind against it. It drove them both crazy. Listening to her soft moans were something she couldn’t get enough of. There were also times that Ali would end up topless and writhing underneath Ashlyn’s lips and tongue as they became familiar with her body. And it always stopped there. If they were already in bed and Ali was wearing her night shirt, Ash respected not crossing a line neither of them were ready to cross. Ali always let her know what she needed but Ashlyn was usually able to pick up on it without any cues. The few times her nightshirt came off, it was Ali who got on top and took control so she could grind on Ashlyn’s leg.

When Ali softly kissed Ashlyn’s neck, her whole body tingled with chills. Then when she bit down gently, she rolled Ali onto her back and kissed her lips. Her hand was already caressing across her stomach lightly. They played over each other’s mouth with their tongue’s playfully flirting.

Ashlyn nipped down her neck and then sucked her skin gently into her mouth, pulling lightly. When she released it, she looked up at Ali. “Those kisses taste good,” she whispered.

Ali was biting her bottom lip shyly when she smiled. “You make me really happy,” she whispered. Ashlyn kissed her lips again, taking her time placing another on the corner of her mouth, then on the tip of her nose.

Lifting herself up and lying beside Ali on the bed, she pulled the covers up over her chest. Ashlyn still wanted to maintain her modesty and she felt Ali needed to know it was still important. Reaching over to the desk, Ali pulled her nightshirt over to her. Sitting up, she pulled it over her head and down around her as she stood. “I think I’m going to eat the rest of that apple. Do you want something?” Ashlyn shook her head, “No. Thanks.” She lingered for a minute just smiling at the blonde before she left the room.

When Ali returned, she sat beside Ash and took a bite of the apple slice and then held it for Ash to take. She opened her mouth and Ali placed the apple in her mouth. She made sure to ‘accidently’ suck one of her fingers into her mouth along with the apple. Ali giggled and reached her hand back into the ziplock bag for another piece.

“While you were sleeping, my brother came by.” She said it very matter of fact, trying to sound casual. Ali stopped chewing and was watching Ash, waiting for more. “I didn’t hear him come in, she added, “Until he was standing behind me at the desk.”

Ali looked confused until her eyes went wide and she looked beside her at the desk chair. Ash sat up and said, “It’s ok. We talked.” She took a breath and said, “Actually, we talked about a lot of things. It was a good thing.”


	16. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

She seemed to relax a little but she’d set down the bag of apple pieces and was quiet.

“He wants to meet you.” She met Ashlyn’s eyes searching for the tone of the statement. “We went out onto the porch to talk for a while and when we came in, he saw how much we’d changed things. You’re everywhere, Ali. Everything in my life has a piece of you in it. I told him I’m in love with you.”

Her words hung in the air as they both smiled at each other. Ashlyn blushed as she watched Ali’s nose crinkle and she bit her bottom lip. Neither of them had told the other ‘I love you’ but the declarations were known.

“I’d like to meet your brother,” she finally said. “I know he means a lot to you even though your relationship is strained right now.”

Ashlyn nodded, “Yeah, I’m trying. I’m just so angry with him and it’s not 100% his fault.” She shrugged a bit and said, “When he left me here, I felt really alone.”

The brunette took her hand into her own and squeezed it. Her head tilted slightly to the side, peering up through her long locks that fell over her face halfway, she was fighting what she felt. Ashlyn could see her stopping herself from becoming emotional, not wanting to make a bigger deal out of what she’d confessed. She was afraid of being left behind too. Left behind and alone.

“Come here, Ali,” reaching her arms out and then wrapping her arms around her, Ashlyn took a deep breath. She could feel she’d started to cry. Ashlyn felt the subtle catches in her breath as she held her. The closer they’d gotten to her leaving, the less they spoke about it. Her hand soothing through her hair and down her back, Ashlyn pleaded, “Please don’t cry.” Her words were weak, holding back her own tears now. “Please...”

Ali put her arms weakly around Ashlyn’s waist and hugged. She sniffled, “I’m trying.” As soon as the words left her lips, she began to sob again, crying softly, “I don’t know how I’m going to make it without you.” Ashlyn wiped the tears that had clouded her eyes with the back of her hand. The ache in the pit of her stomach was making her sick and listening to Ali crying was breaking her heart.

When she pulled away, Ali’s tear streaked face stared back. She was desperately trying to get a hold of herself. Then she got up from the bed and went to her bag. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants, she took out a pair of socks and pulled them on. Slipping her shoes on her feet without tying them, she was pushing her hair out of her face and telling Ashlyn, “I need some air.”

As Ashlyn watched her pulling on clothes, her heart began to race, “What are you doing? Where are you going?” She sprang from the bed as the words left Ali’s lips. She followed her out of the bedroom and down the hallway. Taking her hand and stopping her from opening the door, she begged, “Don’t run from me. Please.” The desperation in her voice frightening her with the reality of Ali not coming back. Just the thought terrified her.

Ali had her head bowed, her long hair covering her face. Pulling her into her arms, Ashlyn whispered, “Please don’t go.” Her arms hung at her sides and she leaned against the blonde sobbing softly. Her heart racing, Ashlyn took Ali by the shoulders and took a step back, “Look at me.”

Not knowing what else to do, Ashlyn got down on her knees in front of Ali and took her hands into her own. She held them lightly and whispered, “Alexandra, look at me.” She kissed each hand gently, “Alex, I love you. I’m so in love with you. You make me happy. Nothing else in this world has ever made me this happy. Please don’t leave.” Wrapping her arms around her waist, Ash rested her head against Ali’s body and hugged her tight.

Her fingers weaving into Ashlyn’s hair, Ali held her head against her. Feeling her affection, Ash gripped her tighter.

“Ash...” Her words were soft. “Ash, come here.” Gently tugging on her sweatshirt, Ali helped her stand up. The hazel eyes still held tears that spilled at the corners.

Everything around them melted away and they were lost in each other’s eyes that never wavered. Ashlyn lifted her up gently to sit on the table beside the door. Then pulling her body close, she never broke their gaze. Cradling her face with her hands, she whispered, “I love you.” As she spoke those words, she could see Ali’s breath catch in her chest and stall. Ashlyn nodded and repeated, “That’s right. I love you. And you don’t have to say it, I can hear your heart.” She still didn’t blink. “I’ll tell you that every day if I have to. Every day until you believe it. I know it’s not much, but my love is all I have to give you. If you’ll have me.”

Ali tried but the words wouldn’t form. Her mouth moving but no sound was heard. Ash put a finger to her lips. “You don’t need to say anything.” Placing a kiss on her lips, she took a step back. Ali still sat on the edge of the table watching Ashlyn.

“Do you want to come to bed with me?” Ash reached her hand out, waiting. Ali nodded and took her hand. Stepping down off the table, she started down the hall with Ashlyn’s hands on her hips holding her. She kicked her shoes off, and when she turned, Ashlyn had climbed into bed and was holding the covers up for her. Taking the spot that Ashlyn had reserved beside her, Ali curled in and put her head on the blonde’s chest and wrapped her arms around her. Pulling the covers up around them, Ashlyn put her arms around Ali and held her tight. Once they’d settled in and Ali’s breathing had evened out, she whispered, “I love you, Ashlyn.”

Kissing her head, Ash ran her hands down her back to comfort.


	17. Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no turning back from now until Ashlyn leaves for college. Expect the next five chapters to come out pretty quickly.

Ashlyn sat behind the team’s bench as the tournament roster warmed up on the field. It was a cool morning and the sky was thick with clouds shielding the sun from warming the air. The team separated into groups based on position and they began individual drills. The arena was already teeming with media from local newspapers, tv stations and there was the group from ESPN. They were taking promo shots of all the players on the field. There was a total of eight elite teams invited to participate in the single elimination tournament from the entire south east.

Once each team had the opportunity to use the field for warm up, they were called back to the bench for team meeting and pre-game assignment. The players were told there would be a few selected for media interviews and photos. Ash paid particular attention to who these were assigned to.

The group as a whole, came together for the media assignments. A representative from the host conference called out the direction. Ash listened to the smaller media outfits and local tv assignments. Ali and another player on her team were divided between print and video for interviews. Once their names were selected, the coach randomly assigned each to a reporter. Ali was answering questions to the newspaper reporter as they snapped some photos for Associated Press Syndicate. She smiled as she answered the questions easily. Ashlyn had moved closer to the location they had her and was able to listen to most of the responses. She sounded calm and professional with her answers. There was no ego self-promotion. She credited the team’s success to a combined effort that worked together to succeed.

Ashlyn was happy to see her able to handle the press with ease and grace. For some, the process could be awkward and uncomfortable, especially after the final product was released. Once all the representatives returned to their teams, they were all told to go about their pre-game rituals and the press would choose people at random for individual interest pieces.

Ali was standing with a couple of her teammates talking strategy when she was asked to speak with one of the ESPN team. Ashlyn put her hands over her face and leaned forward to hide her face. She didn’t want Ali to see her face and make her nervous. Ash knew that when ESPN chose to do an individual piece on a player, they were most likely up for a major award that could include National Player of the Year Honors. A lot of times they chose them for a human-interest story after the player had overcome personal struggle and sometimes you didn’t know what they were doing. Nevertheless, Ashlyn was excited for the exposure she’d receive. A couple of their teammates were close enough that Ashlyn overheard them talking about the very same thing. Apparently, they’d heard some buzz around her name from one of the reporters her teammate had done the tv interview with. He’d asked her some questions about Ali. They filmed her running some drills, juggling the ball and even her running the field with the ball in action.

When she returned to the team, she was still smiling and blended back in so she could practice. She looked comfortable and prepared. When the first game was being prepped, Ali and her team returned to their bench. She finally had a moment and came to the fence where Ash was sitting in the first row.

Standing and taking two steps down to meet her, she leaned on the top bar and smiled, “How are you feeling out there?”

Ali smiled and nodded, “Good. It’s not as scary as I thought.”

“It’s just another game,” Ash added.

Squirting some water into her mouth, she nodded and looked out at the field. “Did you see Louisiana? I don’t like #9.” Ashlyn looked out across the field and scanned the players. Before she could ask where, she saw the one Ali meant. Closing her eyes for a moment, she let out a breath. Ashlyn was familiar with her. She was a senior and no doubt would be competition for Ali. Competition in the sense she was dirty. She was good player that had skills and deserved to be on the field but unfortunately dirty enough that no one wanted to touch her at the collegiate level. She led every year in yellow cards and ejections. She’d been suspended enough that she’d learned how to adjust her game play but that made it harder for the referees to see what she was doing on the field sometimes.

“Is it because she’s tall?” Ashlyn asked trying to pretend she didn’t know how the girl played.

Ali had been watching the girl on the field. When Ashlyn made the simplistic comment, Ali gave her a side-eye without turning her head. Her face had captured such a perfectly annoyed expression that Ash had to look away. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t want to put ideas about any players in your head.”

“I can respect that but I’m not blind.” Ali shook her head. “She’s trouble.”

“Just don’t let her ride your back draft. She likes to break your stride by pulling your heel out of your shoe.”

Ali had been watching her. She’d watched all the teams to plan a strategy. For now, she couldn’t worry about #9. She was focused on their matchup. When the warning whistle blew, Ali smiled and looked back at the team. Then leaning over the fence on her toes, she met Ashlyn halfway and they exchanged a quick kiss. “Good luck,” Ash smiled. Returning a bright beaming smile, Ali displayed a quick crinkle and turned to run back to the team.

The clock running, Ali’s team had the ball at midfield and were suddenly outside the box. Ali immediately kicked a side cross to her teammate who was open and headed the ball in and found the back of the net. The girls gathered quickly, happy to have scored first and started back down the field.

Two minutes in an Ali had an assist. Both schools were ranked nationally, but when Ali’s team stole a pass and steamed back down the field within the next 3 minutes, the crowd began to stand. The passes played along the edges until there was an opening. A straight shot fired toward Ali and she was able to bend it into the net. Raising her arms up in celebration as she ran past the sideline, she was smiling ear to ear. Most of the time, the opposing teams had a hard time keeping up with Ali’s speed and when someone else had the ball, she could run them down and steal it before they knew what happened. Her footwork while running at full speed was why it was so difficult to catch her. She could read the passes before they happened because she paid attention to each player. She knew their ‘go to’ on the field and who their obvious counterpart was. Once she’d seen them run a few plays she could anticipate just about any team.

When all was said and done, the final whistle blew and the score was 6-0. Ali had 3 goals and one assist. She ran off the field with just as much energy as she had started with. Standing at the bench with her team, they all started to break off into groups and separate before the next game. They had close to an hour until the next start. Ali pulled off her jersey and wiped her face with a towel. The clouds started to burn off and the sky was beginning to show patches of light blue. Leaning against the fence, Ash waited for her to finish her water as she walked closer. Stopping just on the other side of the fence, she smiled, “We won! We made it to the semi-finals.” She was as excited as a child. She had pulled on a t shirt and was making her way around the fence. Throwing her arms around Ashlyn, she hugged her, “I can’t believe it.”

Walking to the top of the bleachers together, Ash had a two lunch bags there. Taking out a sandwich, she handed it to Ali. Taking a long swallow from her water bottle, she thanked Ashlyn for the food.

“You guys were in beast mode out there.” Ash set a zip lock on the bench in front of them with some sliced apples.

Wiping her mouth with a napkin, Ali shook her head, “No, they had a lot of young players.” Ali had watched them warm up and could see where their weakness was. Watching the far end of the field quietly for a few minutes, Ashlyn finally turned around to see what had her attention. She was watching #9 on the red team again. “Are you playing them next?”

Shaking her head, Ali told her, “If we win today and go to the finals tomorrow, it’ll be us.” Taking another bite of her sandwich, she finally heard a group of people calling her name and made eye contact with some of her teammates and her coach. Waving back, they were motioning her down to the field.

“What’s that all about,” Ash questioned. Taking another quick bite, Ali shook her head again and said, “I have no idea but I guess I’ll be right back.”

She made her way down through the stands and over to the small group that stood by the fences. They were talking among themselves and then two of the girls walked away from the group. Ali was left standing with the coach and another teammate. They chatted for a few more minutes and then all split up with Ali climbing the stands back to Ashlyn.

Sitting down across from Ash, she picked her sandwich up again and stared at it before taking a slow bite. “Coach Carol wants me to do the post interview in 15 minutes.” Looking up at Ash, she seemed a little uncomfortable. “Doesn’t the captain usually do that?”

Taking her time to answer, Ash shrugged, “Well, what did coach say?”

“She said that because I had such a great game that it would be better for me to do it so they can ask me questions about the game and my performance.” She was watching Ashlyn carefully for her reaction. “That makes sense. They won’t ask someone else about what you were thinking when you scored a goal, right?” Ali seemed to still feel she didn’t deserve to take the interview and was hesitant.

“Listen, if you’re going to be a lead scorer, you better get used to people wanting to talk to you. You didn’t have a problem all season long when the newspapers wanted interviews and pictures.”

“I know but…”

“But what? The higher the stakes, the more people take an interest. It comes with the territory. The more personable you are, the better your chances for support you get. Remember that.”

Ali thought for a moment. “I don’t want to take anything from anyone. I’m not a senior.”

“Giving interviews to the senior is the default when there is no one who is outstanding. They’re only giving it to you if you deserve it.” Ashlyn was trying to make her understand. “Nobody gets anything for free.” Nodding, Ash had finally struck a chord she understood, “Alright.”

Ali seemed to relax. She finished her sandwich and took in a long deep breath.

“You ok,” Ash questioned.

Ali looked over at the blonde. Pulling the band out of her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders, she shook it out a bit. “I’m ok. There’s just a lot more politicking than I imagined.”

Reaching across to her, Ash put a hand under her chin, “You’re doing fine. Don’t worry.”

Ali smiled, “Thanks. That helps.” When she’d finished her food, she took a bite of a piece of apple. “I should really get out there and find the guy I have to talk to.”

Ashlyn watched her interview from across the field and then they were called together before the second game was ready to start.

As the whistle blew for the start of the second game it was more of the same. Ali and her team dominated on the field. The team they were playing was good. They had the mechanics down but they were sloppy. Once Ali figured out their strategy, she was able to anticipate the passes and breakaways became an easy pattern. At the half, it was 7-0 and Ali had scored 5 of those. They simply couldn’t keep up. After her fourth goal, a larger than anticipated crowd had begun to circle the field. The stands were packed and they were four deep surrounding the outer fencing.

Ashlyn had leaned her arms on the fence and rested her chin down as she watched the game unfold. There were so many people that she ended up pressed against the fence a few times when the walkway became overcrowded.

Noticing Ashlyn, Coach Carol walked over to the fence, “Have you been here all day?” Nodding, she smiled, “Quite a game you got going.” Her coach shook her head and leaned in, “You have NO idea.” Holding out her cell phone, she whispered, “Do you have any idea how much attention Ali’s attracted? I’ve got 12 coaches who aren’t even here sending me messages. Then you factor in the ones that are here…..” Dropping her hand, she backed up, “I feel like I owe you a finder’s fee.”

When someone from behind stepped back into Ashlyn, the coach motioned, “Come on around. I need a bench coach.” The blonde smiled and picked up her bags.

Once she’d made it over to the team, most of the girls were quick to greet her with a wave. A few of the other seniors and a couple juniors all stood and went to her side to talk. They commented about Ali’s performance and how well she was doing. As far as the team knew, the two were the best of friends and they were both well respected. Ashlyn had been the team captain since her sophomore year and although she was usually quiet, on the field she led with a proud confidence. The team was sad to see her go so early but they were excited for her opportunity.

A loud eruption from the crowd had everyone turning their heads to see Ali racing down the field. As her approach towards the opposing net drew closer, it appeared the goalie almost threw her hands out in an exasperated panic and stood motionless for a moment unsure what to do. Seeing the distress, Ali pulled back until she saw one of her teammates and sent the lofted ball across to her. Cutting in quickly when she saw Ali’s pause, she was able to head the ball in for a goal. The celebration on the field along with the crowd in the stands was deafening. Unless you were paying attention, you’d have missed Ali’s walk over to the discouraged goalie who was by now close to tears. No one knew what was said, but Ali’s body language and the way she held her hand on the other girls’ shoulder suggested a display of humanity and sportsmanship.

Ashlyn subtly wiped her eyes with the towel she’d been holding to dry the tears that had escaped her. She tried to bow her head in the hopes no one noticed how deeply what Ali had just done had moved her. The mercy and respect she’d shown the goalie made her proud to know her. Watching Ali walk a few steps with the girl as she collected herself, she could see that Ali had made her laugh and she nodded and turned back to her position with a renewed energy. Ashlyn looked down again and used the towel to get rid of more evidence. When she looked back up at the field, Ali was jogging away and Coach Carol was standing with her back to the team. She met Ashlyn’s eyes briefly before looking away. The blonde went to her side and nudged her then handed her the towel before walking over to the bench to sit.

When the end came and the whistle blew, both teams met at the center of the field for respectful exchanges. Final score 10-1. The team cleared the bench and started out to greet each other. The coach and Ashlyn were walking out to meet everyone, excited they were moving on to the Champion’s Game tomorrow. With everyone gathered in a circle, Ashlyn stood to see Ali on the sideline talking with the goalie. Breaking away from the group, she jogged over and met them as they were walking. Ali saw the blonde and smiled, “Hi. This is Alyssa,” she introduced. The girl smiled back and nodded, “Hey there.”

“Good game,” Ashlyn added. As soon as the words left her lips, she went on, “I played against you at the Disney Cup last year.” Alyssa thought a moment and then remembered, “Yea, you’re right.”

“She’s only a freshman and she was on that all-star team,” Ali added. Looking back to Alyssa, she nodded, “I told you she’d remember.” The young girl blushed a little and thanked Ali again, “I really appreciate your words out there…and what you did.”

Raising her eyebrows and throwing her hands up in an animated wave, she shook her head, “I don’t know what she’s going on about.” Looking back to Ashlyn, she crinkled up her face a little as she was walking past her, “Maybe you speak goalie. I don’t get it.”

Both keepers watched as Ali made her way to the center of the field towards her team. Glancing back, she watched Alyssa watching Ali. Half of her mouth curled into a smile until the girl noticed her. Nodding at each other, they both gave a little wave, “Nice to meet you, sis.” Alyssa laughed a little and added, “Definitely.” The keeper walked away feeling a little lighter and it showed in the way she walked back over to her team waiting on the sidelines.

Ashlyn made her way back to the center crowd and looked for Ali again. Coach Carol noticed her and tapped her shoulder from across the huddle. Motioning with her head, Ashlyn turned and could see Ali in front of one of the nets surrounded by reporters. Smiling to herself, she felt overwhelmed with joy for her success. She watched Ali talking with ease, smiling and laughing. She immediately knew the moment that someone had paid her a compliment because her nose would wrinkle and she made an almost fish face with her lips to hide her embarrassment. Ashlyn watched the press groups for a while until she focused on someone who was standing just outside the circle of active writers. There was a man wearing a suit, with both hands in his pockets, observing. There wasn’t really anything in particular that made him stand out other than he looked a little familiar and he was wearing white Nike sneakers with his suit. Casually walking a little closer, she focused on Ali and kept him in her peripheral. She felt she was close enough and then took a few steps his way but not directly. She shuffled around, took a few more steps and finally glanced up. He was looking directly at her. When their eyes met, she quickly turned and walked toward Ali but not before she noticed his jacket. Happy her back was now all he could see, she felt her heart racing in her chest. Under her breath, all she could manage was, “Jesus Christ.” She took a deep breath and stood at the edge of the press circle. It was killing her but she wouldn’t turn back to look in that direction for anything in the world. She couldn’t wait to get Ali alone now.

When her coach came to rescue Ali, Ashlyn slipped in with her and the threesome walked back to the bench together. Coach Carol put an arm around Ali and squeezed, “Kid, you did good.”

“Thanks.” Looking to Ash, her eyes sought approval from the only one who mattered. Reaching her hand out, she caressed her cheek lightly. Ali smiled.

“Ash, why don’t you wear your jersey tomorrow. Officially be my bench coach. I can’t have you lofting in the stands. You should be down on the field with us.” Nodding, the blonde agreed, “You got it. I want to be down here one the field. I want you to bury me here on day. No time soon of course…..”

Ali giggled and Coach Carol laughed with them. “You two get a good night sleep. Tomorrow…we bring back a title.”


	18. Pepper

Once the bus dropped the pair off at the school, the walk home was riddled with feverish conversation. There was so much to talk about that the both of them were at points out of breath. Two blocks away from the house, Ashlyn couldn’t stand it another minute. She stopped walking and Ali did too. She was talking about some of the interviews but stopped when she could see the goofy lovesick face the blonde wore as she listened patiently. Already reading her expression, Ali still asked, “What’s that look?”

Ashlyn backed her up against the fence along the street and leaned in and whispered, “If I don’t kiss you soon….”

Ali had rested her hands on Ashlyn’s shoulders and smiled, “That sounds serious.”

Ash placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was painfully deliberate and slow. So much so, that when Ash began to pull away, Ali pulled on her tee shirt to bring her back in closer so she could reconnect their lips. Ali tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth and Ashlyn groaned a subtle growl. It drove her crazy when the brunette took away control like that. Ali trailed her kisses along the blonde’s jawline and started down her neck where she bit gently and then sucked in. The sensation drained all form of intelligence from her body. Her warm mouth and the feeling of her tongue pulling was too much. Ashlyn felt an urgent throbbing between her legs that began increasing in intensity.

Both of them stumbled through the front door with Ashlyn collapsing backwards on the sofa and Ali crashing on top of her. The kisses they exchanged were frantic and heated. Lately it had taken less and less time to reach their stopping point which left them breathless and frustrated anymore. Ali had her hands underneath Ashlyn’s tee shirt and was working the sports bra upward as her kisses inched higher along her stomach toward her chest. Ali didn’t hesitate taking one of her nipples into her mouth. Ashlyn gasped at the sensation and her arms released their hold on Ali’s hips and fell to her sides. Her hands had found their way underneath the waistband of her sweatpants and her fingertips now dipped beneath the edge of her boxers.

Ali’s kisses became slow pulling sensations as her lips worked down her stomach. Her hands had disappeared into Ashlyn’s boxers and each had gripped a handful of her taut hips that she quickly slid lower to now palming the cheeks of her backside. When Ali’s tongue dragged below her belly button, Ashlyn felt a rush of feeling flood her body and she began to feel hot all over. Her breathing stuttered as if she were in a panic and when she felt the brunette’s fingers sink into the top of her thighs and grip tightly, Ashlyn was overwhelmed, “Ali…” The butterflies in her stomach had grown to what felt like the size of seagulls as they flapped their wings. Her hands began threading through her long brown hair and was massaging lightly. The brunette had tightened the grip of her hands on Ashlyn’s body. “Ali…” Her kisses were slow and teasing and had stopped venturing lower. Resting her head against the blonde, Ali met Ashlyn’s gaze. “We have to stop,” the brunette whispered. Ashlyn’s breath still hadn’t returned. Her hands still tangled in Ali’s hair, she nodded, “Yes.”

Climbing along her body and lying beside the blonde now, Ali began catching her own breath. “You ok?”

Ali nodded, “I don’t know what came over me.” She looked up at Ashlyn sheepishly. “I really liked those noises you were making. I wanted to hear more.”

Ashlyn blushed. “I liked them too. In fact, I think all the blood left my head. You had me more worked up than I’ve ever been.” Ali smiled and nestled her head against Ash’s shoulder. She ran her fingers lightly over her bottom lip playfully. Ashlyn sucked one of them into her mouth and rolled her tongue around it.

The alarm on her cell phone chiming, they both sat up quickly. “Chris will be here in an hour,” Ashlyn reminded. Squeezing her eyes shut, Ali put her hand to her forehead, “I forgot. I wasn’t thinking.” She looked over at Ashlyn apologetically.

Ash laughed, “It’s ok. I think forgot my own name for a minute.” Ali smiled back and relaxed a little.

“Why don’t you go and get cleaned up and I’ll start dinner?” Trailing a finger lightly down the brunette’s arm, she saw the little goose bumps raise and she smiled. When she met Ali’s eyes, they were fixed on her. “Alright,” she softly whispered. Ali seemed to be in her head somewhere and Ashlyn couldn’t really figure out where. So she decided to ask the familiar question that was always thrust upon her in such a moment. “What are you thinking?”

Ali’s eyes became wide for a moment when she realized that Ashlyn had asked what she had, then she focused, “I was thinking…,” her voice suddenly became breathy and her face flushed. “I’m so in love with you.” She let out a breath seemingly relieved. The words tumbled out of her mouth as if she’d been holding them in against their will until she couldn’t bear to not let them free. She smiled at Ashlyn again, only this time, it was so real and relaxed that she looked like a completely different person from the one she’d backed into on the first day of school. Taking Ali’s hand, Ashlyn squeezed it. They sat quietly until Ali stood, “I’ll be quick so I can help.”

When Ali returned to the kitchen, Ashlyn was having a hard time focusing on cooking. Her hair was down with lots of waves in it from being washed and let to air dry. She had on a pair of short soccer shorts, a slimming tee shirt that clung to her stomach and waist and one of Ashlyn’s long sleeve button down shirts that was left unbuttoned. Just her natural scent surrounded her every time she reached for something and it was making her crazy. When Ali sat at the kitchen table to slice up some vegetables for the salad, she pulled out her glasses and put them on before reading the directions on the ranch seasoning packet. That was when Ash turned back around and shook her head to herself. Stirring the spaghetti, she took in a deep breath to clear her head.

When they heard the front door open, Chris called, “Hello?”

Ashlyn looked back at Ali and nodded, “I’ll go.” Ali returned to her cucumber that she was slicing.

Stepping around the frame, Ash smiled, “Hey there.” Chris still stood in the doorway, hesitant, “I feel like I should have knocked or something.”

Ash laughed, “Don’t be silly.” She waved him in and he followed her to the kitchen. Ali looked up and smiled, “Hi.” She set down what she was doing and slid out from behind the table to stand. Ashlyn slid her arm around Ali and said, “Chris, this is my girlfriend, Ali.”

Chris stood staring until Ali tilted her head and nudged Ash, “Is he alright?”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and shook her head, “Not really. He was dropped on his head quite a bit as a baby.” Ali giggled and Chris smiled, “I gotta give the baby sister a hard time.”

Ali held out her hand and Chris pulled her in for a hug, “It’s nice to meet you.” When he backed up, he looked to his sister, “Yeah, I get it now.” Ash gave him a warning glare before they both smiled.

“Do you want some lemonade,” Ali had already gone to the frig to pull out a pitcher.

“Thanks, can I help?” Ash waved at him and went back to the stove. Ali set down three glasses filled with ice and lemonade that she poured. She put away the pitcher and then sat across from Chris to finish the salad. Ashlyn was watching Chris who was watching Ali. When she caught his eye, she slowly shook her head at him. His smile as he wagged his eyebrows was infuriating. She set her jaw to say something when he beat her to the punch.

“So tell me, Ali, how did you and my sister meet?” He looked across the table with animated interest knowing how much it was pissing Ashlyn off. Ali looked up innocently, unaware of the sibling games, and smiled, “We have a lot of classes together. This year, though, we have a lot of the same.”

Chris smiled, “But you’re a year behind her. That’s amazing. You don’t mind that she’s a little…slow.” Dropping her hands from actively cutting, she raised her eyebrows at him questioningly. Then she saw Ashlyn’s irritation with him and she squinted at them both, “I guess it runs in the family.” Bursting into laughter, Ashlyn hissed, “Buuuurn!” Chris smiled and nodded, “She’s alright. She might be a keeper.”

Ali shook her head to herself and tossed the pile of vegetables into the large bowl. Taking everything else with her to the sink, she stopped beside Ashlyn and leaned in, “You’re both definitely weird.” Raising up on her toes, she placed a soft kiss on Ash’s lips and then went to the sink to rinse off what she’d used.

Ash gave Chris a victorious smirk from the other side of the room and shrugged, “She likes weird.”

With all the food on the table, Ashlyn sat beside Chris, who was still sitting in the same place. They passed around the pasta, sauce, meatballs and the salad until everyone’s plate was full. Ali sat for a moment and watched Ash and Chris eating. They both ate the same way. They filled their mouths with as much food as they could and then while they chewed, they gathered the next mouthful. Ali giggled a little and when they both stopped to look up with the same confused stare, she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud. The pair exchanged glances and returned to the food.

“How did the game go,” Chris managed to ask.

Ash let Ali answer first, “We made it to the final tomorrow.”

“That’s great. How’d you do?”

“There’s a couple things I need to work on but I did ok.”

Ashlyn dropped her fork, “OK? She was like a lunatic out there…” Ashlyn had taken in a breath to continue when she saw Ali shrink a little in her chair. It really went beyond modesty. She didn’t like to be in the spotlight. Deciding against singing anymore of her praises, she let it drop. “They all played in beast mode. Everybody was on point.”

Ali let out a breath and added, “It was solid. And we’re a young team too.” Ashlyn wanted to tell her who she saw at the game but in that moment it felt wrong. She didn’t want to embarrass her. So she let it go.

“When do you leave,” Chris had turned to his sister.

“The 28th. They’re bringing me up that weekend to spend some time with the team and get acquainted with the school.” Looking over at Ali, they both realized that by this time next Saturday, she’d be gone. Ali quickly dropped her eyes and settled on her salad that she was barely picking at.

When an unfamiliar sound began to chime from the other room, the three of them looked around questioningly. Then taking in a sharp breath, Ali excused herself from the table quickly, “I’m sorry, I think that’s me.” She went to the other room to answer her cell phone.

Ashlyn had never heard her phone ring. Chris raised a lone eyebrow at his sister questioningly. “I’m just gonna check on her.” Sliding out from the bench, she disappeared into the other room to look for Ali. She found her sitting in the middle of the bed with her knees drawn up against her chest and the phone to her ear. Her chin was resting on her knees and she was listening. Ashlyn watched her close her eyes and her lips pursed in frustration. She let out a breath and her face tensed again. “I know but….” Whomever was on the phone was giving her a hard time. “Uh huh.” She stretched her legs out on the bed, “I mean, …yes ma’am.” The stress in her voice was rising. “No, we…” When she was cut off again, she took in a breath. “Yes.”

Ali leaned back on the bed staring at the ceiling. She smoothed her hand down over her stomach and then rested it there. “Alright, good…..” Holding the phone out to look at it, she repeated, “Goodbye, mom.”

Holding the phone against her chest, she let out another breath.

“Ali, everything alright?”

Taking off her glasses, she set them on the desk beside her. “As it turns out, my mother’s jealous.”

Stepping inside the room, Ashlyn asked, “Of what?”

Halfway smiling, she sat up, “Of all the time I’m spending with your parents.”

Rolling her eyes, Ash shook her head, “I have no response to that.” She met Ali’s eyes and they both laughed.

“She wants us to have dinner there on Christmas.” Ali shook her head.

“What time?”

Her eyebrows raised in question, Ali stared long and hard.

Ash waited for the response, then nodded, “Well?”

“No, you can’t be serious. You’re not going there.”

Ash motioned for her to follow, “Let’s get back to Chris.”

Sitting back down together at the table, Chris asked, “Everything good?”

Nodding, Ash answered, “Ali’s mom just invited me to Christmas dinner.”

Ali’s mouth hung open as she stared.

Chris was waiting for whatever he was missing to come out. “Ali’s house is almost as bad as ours.” Meeting her brother’s eyes, she assured, “But don’t worry. We still hold the record.”

Looking back across the table, Ash went on, “That makes this much easier. Ali, I want to go on a date with you Christmas Eve. Just you and me.”

Ali was holding back letting herself smile.

“Is it a date?” Ash waited patiently until Ali smiled, “Yes.”

Chris sat watching their interaction as he chewed, “You two are really going through it, huh?” He reached for his glass and took a swallow. “So what’s in like being in a healthy relationship?”

Ashlyn looked at him, ready to give him a smart-ass response when Ali started talking, “It feels weird at first because you don’t think the other person is being sincere. But when that something ‘big’ happens and they’re there for you, and you realize it’s real, it feels amazing. Just knowing they’re supporting you.” As she spoke, she was gazing off at pictures that were playing events in her head.

Ashlyn smiled a little and looked back over at Chris. “It’s something like that.” Her goofy smile made Chris elbow her, “Who knew you had it in you. It must skip a generation.”

And now Ash elbowed him in return. Ali watched the two trade jabs and stifled a smile at their antics. She’d always wondered what it was like to have a sibling. Watching Ash and her brother made her realize how important their relationship was. With all the instability, they were each other’s constant. She hoped they’d be able to repair what damage had been done between them in an effort to survive the way they were forced to live.

Chris checked his watch and Ashlyn asked, “Bus?”

Nodding, he told her, “Yeah. I gotta keep my eye on the time.”

“So where are you staying if you’re not at Mike’s?”

Chris wiped his mouth with his napkin and tossed it on the table. “A halfway house.” He looked over at his sister and said, “It’s a condition of my parole and probation.”

Her smile completely pulled away and she stared, “What do you mean?”

He shrugged a little. Ali recognized the signature response to feelings of embarrassment. “It’s been hard. I had to get out of Mike’s place. It was a bad scene. Turns out the streets are worse.” His face reflected distress, but when he looked over at his sister, he relaxed his face, “It’s ok, though. I got my shit together now.” He thought for a minute, then said, “Do you guys take ‘selfies’ together?” As he said it, he threw his hands out in an animated display. Ash looked across the table at Ali and they both shook their heads. “No,” Ash realized the thought had never occurred to her.

“Why don’t you let me take a picture for you. You’re first Christmas together.” He looked over at Ali hoping she’d be the one to grasp at the idea. Ali looked to Ash for approval, “Do you want to?”

Ashlyn had already sprinted from the table to get her phone. When she returned, Chris and Ali were standing in the doorway to the living room. She handed her phone to her brother and said, “Great idea.” Taking the phone from her, he added, “There’s only one condition…” Glancing back at him Ash narrowed her eyes a bit.

“You have to send me a copy.”

Ali smiled and nodded, “She will. I promise.”

Standing in front of the fireplace, beside the little ‘Charlie Brown’ Christmas tree, Ashlyn held Ali in her arms from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder as she leaned back against the blonde. They were both smiling and Chris took an extra second to focus when his eyes blurred a little with a hint of tears. Their hands were clasped in each other’s hold and Chris couldn’t help himself, “You guys really look happy.” On cue, as the words left his lips, they both looked to the other. When Chris pressed the button and it captured that moment, he had to turn his back on them.

Setting the phone down on the table, he mumbled, “I took two good ones.”

Taking a few steps, Ali picked up the phone and said, “Let me get one of both of you.” They both waved their hands at each other until Ali pouted a little, “C’mon.”

Standing by his sister’s side, they both wore the same pseudo annoyed smirk. Ali took the picture and giggled at the outcome. She showed them the result and they immediately tortured each other with insults.

Glancing at his watch again, he met Ashlyn’s eyes, “I gotta go.”

She nodded and told him, “Take care, man. It was good, this was good.” He nodded in return and looked to Ali, “It was really nice to meet you.” He waved his hand up at her and she went to him and gave him a hug. He smiled at her affection and looked over at his sister. When their eyes met, there was no sarcasm or humor involved in the serious look they exchanged. Without a word spoken, they both understood.

Chris gave her a quick squeeze and then backed up, “Send me a copy,” he pointed to Ash.

They watched Chris head off down the block into the darkness. “I like your brother,” Ali whispered as he disappeared around the corner and out of sight. Ash nodded silently, standing beside her.

Ali could see the emotions she was wrestling with and took her hand lightly. She squeezed it before letting go and went to the kitchen to clean up, leaving Ashlyn alone with her thoughts.


	19. Get Lucky

The morning dew that covered the field an hour ago had burned off and the sun was already putting out a heat that was making it uncomfortable and sticky. Both teams were running drills and warms up as media and a light crowd had begun to filter into the stadium. There was a heavy presence from the press after the last round of play. Word had begun to filter through the surrounding area and the match had gained national attention.

Ashlyn hung around the bench to help with whatever preparations her coach needed to help get ready. A camera crew had been granted field access to their bench for pre game. Ali had already been warned that she needed to accommodate press.

As the field was cleared, Coach Carol asked if Ash could huddle girls for a pep talk. She was moved by the gesture and took it very seriously. Calling everyone in close, Ash began to speak about the pressing game. She reminded them to play hard but fair. Her sentiments were heartfelt and gracious and when she caught Ali watching her with a stifled smile, she stopped. She noticed all of the girls staring back. It was at that point, she turned to see her coach, standing center field, holding a microphone, asking Ashlyn to come and join her. Her shoulders dropping, she realized how she’d been snookered into wearing her jersey under the guise of assisting. She smiled out of complete embarrassment and began to walk toward her coach. As she made her way onto the field, her coach began to talk about a tall, thin freshman that wanted to play soccer in high school. She made reference to the drive and determination of the girl who had her sights on making her dreams come true through hard work. As Ashlyn listened to her coach recount her accomplishments throughout her high school career, she looked over when her coach told her that it was only the tip of the iceberg. She’d climbed a great distance and was sure that by now she could hopefully see that what lies ahead is an incredible life.

“Ashlyn, your teammates are going to miss you. Not just as a senior leaving to continue her academic and athletic career, and not even as a teammate. They’re going to miss your drive and passion that you brought to this team and committed to every player who still stands on this field. At one time or another, you’ve personally picked each one of them up and given them the strength to carry on at a time when they wanted to give up. They hope that if a time comes when you feel like you need picking up, you’ll look at this jersey they’ve all signed, and draw strength from all those that you helped.” Her coach gave her a long hug as the team started out onto the field toward them. The team captain carried a large bouquet of red roses with blue and white carnations. Ali followed behind her holding a large frame that held her home jersey with the signature of all of her teammates. Ashlyn put her arm around her co-captain, Becky, and thanked her as well as let her know how much playing beside her has meant the last four years. Taking the frame from Ali, Ashlyn met her eyes suspiciously, “You. You had something to do with this, didn’t you?” Ali smiled and reached around Ashlyn’s neck to hug her. She kissed her cheek quickly, then whispered in her ear, “I love you.”

As they made their way off the field, the team surrounded Ashlyn and all gave her hugs of appreciation and wished her the best of luck at school. Once back to the bench, Ashlyn clapped her hands and yelled, “Alright, let’s huddle up!” Drawing in close, she fired up the players all gathered around for one last break. As the starting XI made their way onto the field, the opposing team took their places. As expected, Ali saw #9 had adjusted her play to make sure she’d be the one going up against her. The girl was staring her down in an intense mind game.

Watching almost helpless as the fight for control of the ball raged on the other side of the field, Ali tried to find a way around her own obstacles and into the action. Every time she almost found an opening or a way to receive a pass, #9 was right there blocking her path. The girl had her hands on her and pulled at her shirt forcing her off balance and at time almost tripping to the ground. The pressure the team was playing was good but Ali was having a hard time even getting her footing.

When a pass found it’s way in her direction, Ali had only taken a step before she felt her ankle roll underneath her and her knee twisted when she hit the ground falling forward on the hands. Her legs had gotten tangled up with #9 when she’d somehow stepped on the girl’s foot. Her leg drawn up underneath her, she felt the girl push her over while she was still on the ground feeling the pain.

From the sidelines, Coach Carol was holding Ashlyn off the field as she screamed angrily at the display they’d witnessed. The athletic trainer sprinted onto the field to check on Ali who was still on her back on the ground. #9 stood with her hands on her hips over Ali watching as she writhed in pain. The official gave Ali a yellow card and Ashlyn lost her mind screaming by the bench.

When she sat up, Ali let the trainer extend her leg and had her bend her knee again. The she tried flexing her ankle and rolling her foot. She fell backward on the ground again and put her hand up over her face. She was sore but she felt like she was going to be ok. Looking up at #9, she extended a hand to help Ali stand. The fire that ignited in her stomach made her glare up that the girl in such a way that, Ellen, her trainer, took hold of her arm and whispered, “Ali, don’t.”

Grasping her arm tighter, Ellen repeated, “Ali…”

Breaking her gaze from the girl, she looked to Ellen. “Do you think you can stand?” Reaching for her hand, she stood gingerly and flexed her leg a couple times. Then putting a little more pressure on her foot, she tried to walk it off. Ali walked slowly with Ellen and followed her halfway before saying, “I’m alright.” Looking back at her, Ellen asked, “Are you sure?” Nodding, she looked to the sideline at Ashlyn and nodded while holding her hands out, hoping she’d settle down.

The blonde was angrily pacing along the sideline, following the red uniform that had tripped Ali. Returning to her coach’s side again, Ashlyn wiped her face with her hand.

Ali began walking back to her location and the ball made its way into play again. This time when the red uniform was within reach and put her hands on Ali’s back, she screamed as she pitched forward onto the ground. Lying face down, she heard the whistle blow and slowly pushed herself up onto her hands and knees. When she looked up, she saw the red card flash, but it was in the direction of #9 who was screaming in her face about Ali throwing herself to the ground. It took a few minutes for the opposing coach and some of their team to remove her from the field. Ali leaned her head on the ground for a few seconds to catch her breath. Then she slowly rose to her feet and stopped Ellen from coming out to her. The official leaned in, “You alright?” Ali nodded and wiped away some blood from her nose. Her eyes stung and tears clouded her vision. “Go get cleaned up,” she motioned. Ali ran to the trainer and quickly squirted some water in her mouth. Swishing it around she spit it out and Ellen handed her a gauze to wipe her nose.

Ashlyn came to her side and just watched. When she looked at the blonde, she shrugged a little. Ashlyn sucked in her bottom lip to stifle anything else and turned her back, walking away slowly. Waiting until she was able to get back on the field, Ali watched the replacement who would be challenging her. She was just as dangerous but a bit clumsy with her execution.

The pace on the field was fast and the tone was heated. When the half finally ended, it was still scoreless, and everyone was exhausted. Ali sat slumped on the bench listening to her coach talk strategy while her and the rest of the team pulled themselves together.

Sitting on the edge of the bench, halfway leaning over, Ali squirted some water on her head and let it run down the back of her neck. Standing, she walked around the field and along the fence to keep her leg from stiffening up. Leaning forward against the fence with her back to the activity of the field, she took in a long deep breath. Feeling someone near her, she looked over and saw a man leaning on the fence a few feet down from her. She smiled and then focused back on the sky over the horizon. Her head was cluttered with strategy and plays and if she let herself think too much, she started to feel overwhelmed. Gripping the top of the fence with both hands, she closed her eyes and leaned back and then pulled herself forward. She let the sensation lull her into the feelings she had when she was sitting on a swing as it would rise and fall. After she leaned back the second time, she found herself smiling, and opened her eyes again. She stood up on her toes and stretched her legs out again.

“Quite a tournament you’re having,” the man a few feet down from her commented.

Ali met him with a half smile and nodded a bit and shrugged a bit, “Yea, I guess.” He had kind eyes. She watched him regard her response and questioned, “You don’t feel that you are?”

She chewed on her bottom lip in thought before she answered slowly, “I think we’re a young team and we have a lot to work on. Just because you win, it doesn’t make you the best.” He nodded and raised his eyebrows a bit. “That is true.”

Turning to look at the timer on the field clock, Ali knelt to tie one of her shoes, “Are you a parent?”

“No, I’m a coach.”

When she stood, she smiled, “Well, it was nice talking with you but I have to get back. I want to stretch my leg a little before the half.”

“Is it ok?” he motioned to her leg.

Looking down at the dirt and scrapes on her legs, she laughed, “It’s fine. I’m still young enough get back up.” He laughed with her, “Well good luck out there.”

“Thanks. I hope your team’s performance makes you happy.” After she turned, she waved and made her way back along the fence toward the team bench.

The sun was putting out a lot of heat. Squirting more water over her head and down her back, she made her way back onto the field for the last half. She’d thought about the set up through the first half and how the other team played. Ali talked with her coach about finding a way to open up the press they were forcing and their keeper mentioned what she was able to see from her angle. They made some adjustments and decided to try a new strategy. They were focusing on their defense instead of forcing the other team to chase their offense.

With the ball in play, Ali tried to mix it up. If just one of their players pulled away enough to cover her thinking she was going to receive a pass, they could steal and open up the field. She knew they were watching to cover her and she knew they would follow the decoy. The player that was covering her had her hands all over her back and when Ali saw an opportunity, she called out to a non existent player and raced across the field as if executing a play. The rest of her team weaved down the field with the same speed and pressure and sure enough, one of the defenders slid closer to Ali’s side anticipating the pass and it opened up for the opposite side. Halting quickly, she doubled back calling out again to ensure the attention was on her. She felt the player behind her push off her waist with her hands as Ali slid forward and onto her knees to avoid the player crossing her path in the opposite direction. As she jumped back up, her teammate had already launched the ball over the keeper’s head. She watched it ricochet around the back of the net as she kept running across to the other side with her arms in the air screaming along with Kelly to celebrate her goal. The girls found each other’s hands quickly and dropped back into the next play.

Once Ali’s team scored, the red team basically imploded. They began fighting with each other about who should be where and why the coverage hadn’t adjusted to their shift. When they found the breakaway they were looking for, they made their way down the field with renewed speed. Ali took a pass and sent it in with only one touch and scored the second goal of the game that wound end up being the last before the final whistle.

When the final whistle sound, the girls celebrated in a giant mass as they jumped into a pile and all fell to the ground. Ali lay motionless on the ground, staring up at the sky. Smiling to herself, she sprang to her feet and raced to the sideline to find Ashlyn.

When she found the blonde who was already heading for her, she raised her arms up over her head and jumped. Ashlyn caught her and they both tumbled to the ground unable to contain their excitement. Kelly and Becky weren’t far behind to join the celebration.


	20. Call Me Maybe

Ashlyn leaned over to lightly kiss Ali’s nose. She stirred in her sleep and her eyes fluttered. She watched the brunette for a few more minutes and then called, “Wake up, love.” Ali yawned and rolled onto her side. Then, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes halfway. Reaching her arms around Ashlyn’s waist, she tucked her head under her chin.

Her arm pulling her in closer, Ashlyn whispered, “We’re going to be late, you know that?” Pushing her leg between Ashlyn’s and capturing her foot with both her ankles, she mumbled, “I don’t care.”

“Is this your plan? Trap me here in bed with you all day?”

“Yes,” she mumbled and nodded into the blonde’s chest. Her fingers running through the brunette’s long hair, they trailed down her back until they reached her hips. When she felt a wide waistband, she placed the palm of her hand on her bottom and then sat up halfway. Pulling the covers back, Ashlyn saw Ali was wearing a tank top and a pair of her form fitting boxers. Rolling onto her back, Ali threw her arms over her head and stretched through a yawn.

When she opened her eyes halfway, her mouth was curled up at the edges in a relaxed sleep haze. Looking up to Ashlyn, she blinked a couple times and asked, “What?” The blonde was staring silently. Then, Ash smiled to herself, “That is so hot.”

“What’s hot,” the confused brunette questioned sleepily. Her eyes closed again and she blindly felt around for the blankets. When she couldn’t find them, she rolled onto her side against Ashlyn’s warm body and curled in close. With all the covers pulled back, Ashlyn could see Ali’s left leg was bruised under her knee and then down around her ankle. It looked like it hurt. Reaching her hand out, she ran it down over her knee and then down and over her ankle. Neither were swollen or felt warm to the touch but looked just plain ugly.

Her eyes now open, Ali rolled onto her back again to watch Ashlyn. “Does it hurt?” Ali stretched it out and flexed it a couple times and then shook her head, “Nope.”

“Well, it looks like it should feel terrible.” Ashlyn remarked. Motioning to the large awards on the shelf above the desk, she asked, “Was it worth it?”

Looking over at the First Place Tournament Trophy and the Bronzed Soccer Cup Award for MVP of the Southeastern Conference, Ali smiled back and nodded, “It was worth every little dent and scratch on my body.”

When she sat up, she rolled both of her shoulders, “I generally feel like I was hit by a truck.” Throwing her legs over the side of the bed, she leaned forward and put her head into her hands, groaning, “Uuuuuuugh. I am so tired.” When she glanced back at Ash, she noticed that she was already dressed. “You showered already?” Not waiting for an answer, she picked up her phone and saw the time. Tossing it back on the desk, she jumped up and ran to the bathroom, “Why didn’t you tell me it was so late?”

Walking together, at a fast pace, they had just entered the building when the warning bell rang. Meeting each other’s eyes quickly, they both let out a sigh of relief. “I’ll see you in an hour,” Ash waved as Ali headed up the stairs to her homeroom.

By the time Ashlyn sat by herself at the table for lunch, she really began to wonder. Ali had missed every class they had together so far. Considering it was the last day of classes before the holiday break, she really hadn’t missed any work. Then she realized, after all of the press surrounding the tournament, she was most likely with guidance meeting with recruiters.

Ashlyn knew that Ali was very serious about her academics and had read several different articles about fields of study she was interested in. She didn’t want a lack of education to be what forced her to become dependent on someone else or helpless. When she finished her lunch, she decided to drop by the guidance office. When she opened the door to the offices, she asked if Ms. Dubois was available. They said she had arranged to attend an event with another student. Ashlyn leaned on the counter and lowered her voice, “Ali?”

The secretary smiled a little and looked away, avoiding eye contact, “Check the gym, Ashlyn.” Before she could stand, she called, “Here. Ali might want this.” She handed Ash a copy of the local newspaper. The front page was a picture of the team accepting the First Place Trophy and a picture on the side of Ali holding the MVP Cup. She had done an interview with them after the championship game. Leaving the office, she turned the paper over and scanned the article about the team.

As Ashlyn made her way down the hall and turned toward the gymnasium corridor, she recognized the man in the suit from the tournament walking toward her. This time she didn’t avoid his stare and she smiled and nodded as they passed in the hall. Once she was sure he’d continued down and out of the annex, she shook her head. Andonovski was the new USWNT coach. He had already played his first two friendlies with the team last month and everyone was talking about the outcomes and whether or not this was a sign of things to come. She couldn’t believe that he was here on the grounds and that he had watched the tournament over the weekend. She knew they had a team of recruiters and that’s what they did but it was just surreal to see him casually strolling down the hall of her high school.

Ashlyn opened the heavy metal door to the gym and stepped inside. Ali and Ms. Dubois were walking toward her from across the basketball court. Ali had her glasses perched on the end of her nose and was carrying a box about the size of a small microwave. Reaching out, Ashlyn asked, “Can I carry that for you?”

Ali wrinkled her nose up as she shook her head, “It’s ok, it’s just papers.”

They walked back through the annex corridor together and Ali explained, “I had to have a meeting with a bunch of recruiters. We went into the gym because there was a bunch of them.”

Ms. Dubois smiled, “Ali’s had quite a day.” Stopping outside the guidance office with the girls, she reminded, “Any questions, anything you’re not sure about….let me know. And I’m sure Ashlyn can be a big help. She’s already been down this road. She knows the ropes.” Before she opened her office door, she turned, “Have a good holiday, girls.” Putting a hand on Ash’s shoulder, she smiled, “Good luck to you.”

“Thank you, Ms. Dubois.”

When they were alone in the hall, Ali looked up at Ash. She seemed tired but barely able to contain the overwhelming excitement. Her emotions were ready to boil over. Finally, she spoke the words that she never thought she’d be able to say, “I’m going to get to go to school, Ashlyn.”

Taking the box from her and setting it down, Ash pulled her into a hug and whispered, “Yeah, you are.”

Ali’s breath caught a little in her chest, then Ashlyn heard her let out a giggle that made her smile. She was swinging between emotions that she couldn’t contain.

The door to the guidance office opening quickly, Ms. Dubois let out a breath of relief, “Thank goodness you two are still here. The conference sent these over.” Handing Ashlyn and Ali two plaques, she said, “We’ve never had two players on the team take these home before. Congratulations, girls.”

Ashlyn was awarded First Team All-Conference Elite XI and First Team All-Conference Goalkeeper of the Year. Ali was awarded First Team All-Conference Elite XI and First Team All-Conference Most Goals Scored.

Reaching over and picking up the box, Ashlyn nodded, “Now I definitely should do the heavy lifting for you.” Ali laughed a little, “Alright.” Setting the plaques in the box, Ash handed her the newspaper, “Check this out.” Her hand to her forehead, she closed her eyes, “Oh, wow. That’s amazing.”

“Not as amazing as you.”

Once they were home, Ali sat in a bath tub full of hot water and talked about the schools that had sought her out. Some had been watching all season and some had been alerted to the culmination of the tournament. Ashlyn sat beside the tub and listened to her description of what they offered and what they believed the future held if Ali went to school there. Ali talked about the ones she seemed the most excited about and then began talking about the many that she wasn’t familiar with or would need to look into their programs.

When Ali seemed to be coming to the end of the list in her head, Ashlyn asked, “UNC didn’t show?” Without looking up, she shook her head. Chewing on her bottom lip, she splashed her face with some water. “I kept waiting for someone to say that’s where they were from…” When she finally looked up and met Ashlyn’s eyes, she asked, “What do I do?” She could see that the blonde was fighting to keep herself under control.

Pausing, she began, “You’re only a junior, Ali. You’ve got time. You don’t really need to make a decision until spring of your senior year if you want to take your time.”

Leaning over the side of the tub, Ali grasped the edges with her hands and asked, “But if UNC doesn’t want me….”

Ash had her head down, avoiding the brunette’s brown eyes. Then, she snapped her head up suddenly, “You have to do what’s best for you. You have to go somewhere that will open doors for you. You need the education. That’s the trade off, you play the game for them and they educate you and bring home that degree. Nothing else matters.”

Ali sat back a little watching Ashlyn, “Do you hear me, nothing else.”

Her hands letting go of the side of the tub, they sank back into the water. Lowering her voice, Ash added, “It’s always been in the back of my head that this perfect plan we had wouldn’t work. It’s killing me thinking about us going to school for four years in separate places. But you have to go to school and take this opportunity. If you and I are meant to be, I’ll still love you when you’re 35 and finally find your way back to me. Maybe by then we can start out a family with some dogs, I don’t know.”

Ali smiled a little.

“I don’t want to be without you. But I’d rather just not be with you for a while than not at all. Does that make sense?”

“It doesn’t make me happy but it makes sense.” Ali reached for a towel and wrapped it around her as she stood. 

Ashlyn laughed, “Hell, I’ll be happy chasing you all over the world when you’re playing on the national team and I’m a second rate coach of a youth soccer club somewhere.”

Ali laughed, “Let’s not get crazy. I’m trying to get in to college and you’re talking about the WNT. Geez.” Toweling herself off, Ashlyn turned her back.

Frowning, she added, “And by the way, when were you going to tell me that Andonovski came to talk to you?”

Ali pulled her nightshirt over her head and hesitated in thought. “Who?”

“Vlatko Andonovski.”

Following Ashlyn into the bedroom, Ali stared blankly. 

“Come on, love, don’t fool around.”

Sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, she pulled out her papers and folders, "Ash, who is that?”

“The coach of the WNT.”

“No, that’s Jill Ellis.”

“Ali, she stepped down in October. They hired a new guy. All that reading and….really?”

“Sttttttaaaaahp. I’ve been a little busy.” Taking her cell phone and googling the info, Ali’s eyes went wide. She looked up at Ash and said, “I’ve met him. He’s spoken to me.”

“Duh. Where? What’d he say?”

“At intermission Sunday, he was standing beside me. He just made small talk. Nothing serious. He didn’t even introduce himself.”

“Nothing today?”

“No, did you see him today?”

“Yeah, coming out of the gym, I thought, from seeing you.”

“He didn’t come to see me.”

“Now I’m confused. I saw him Saturday. He was standing down by the press area when you were talking to the papers. I thought he looked familiar and when I got closer, I swore it was him and he had a U.S. Soccer pin on the lapel of his jacket.”

“Maybe he was just watching.”

Ashlyn narrowed her eyes at the brunette.

“Then I’m out of ideas. Because we exchanged generic talk. I promise.” Ali was being sincere.

“That’s weird.”

“I agree.”

Watching Ali assemble the college information, Ash questioned, “Do you have a front runner, you know, a favorite?”

“Actually,” Ali began, “There’s a couple.” Pulling out a few folders, she pointed, “Stanford. Cal Tech, M.I.T, and Cornell.”

“Jesus Christ, Ali. Isn’t there a college on the moon?”

Dropping her hands that held the paperwork, Ali pleaded, “Don’t do that to me, Ashlyn. Any school that isn’t UNC, it hurts my heart to read about them.” Ali was sitting on the floor, sorting through schools and which had the programs she was interested in.

Ashlyn was lying on her stomach, peering over the edge of the bed at the rows she was creating. "What are you interested in studying?"

Looking up slowly, Ali hesitated, "Don't laugh at me. Promise me."

Ashlyn stared back looking slightly offended, "Do you honestly think I would?"

Thinking to herself, Ali shrugged her shoulder halfway and slowly answered, "Chemical engineering."

Ashlyn was staring back in silence. 

When her phone rang, she excused herself, “Chris is supposed to call…. Hello? Yes, sir.” Someone was speaking and Ashlyn was listening intently. Every few minutes, she’d nod into the phone nervously as if they could hear her. Finally, she replied, “It would be my pleasure and an honor.”

When she hung up the phone, she looked at Ali, “Do you know who that was? The WNT coach. He wants me to come to a camp next month. He said he’ll be in touch with UNC.”

Ali’s smile was almost animated, “Oh my gosh! You could be on the WNT next year.”


	21. SWAY

On the walk home from the store, Ashlyn had slipped her hand into Ali’s and held it lightly. They picked up a few things for Christmas Eve that they needed for their dinner date. They saved what little money they had so they could buy a meal instead of having to prepare it. They’d promised to meet on the porch swing at 7pm and Ash said that she’d come out 5 minutes later.

The dinner was still in the oven keeping it warm. Ashlyn was in the bathroom across the hall finishing getting dressed. When she’d stepped back in front of the mirror, she smoothed her black dress pants and made sure there wasn’t anything on them. Her white short sleeved dress shirt fit snugly over her well defined upper arms and clung nicely to her torso. She straightened the black skinny tie and checked the mirror again. Her hair was brushed straight back and hung over her shoulders.

Hearing the front door close, Ashlyn smiled to herself. She knew Ali was now waiting on the porch swing for her. She felt nervous as if she really was picking her up for a date.

Before she passed her bedroom, she reached inside the doorway and pulled out a small bag from the pocket of her hoodie that was hanging on the back of the door. Taking out the small item, she tucked it into her pants pocket and headed down the hall. Taking her cell phone and placing it on the mantle above the fireplace, she set it up to play a selection of slow romantic music. She adjusted the volume so it would be ready to play. She turned on the little string of lights on their Christmas tree and then lit a small votive candle on the end table beside the sofa.

Turning for the door, she opened it and stepped outside. As Ash closed the screen behind her, she saw Ali stand up from the swing. Her stomach flipped and her breath caught in her chest at the sight. The black form fitting dress stopped just above her knees and clung to her in all the right places. The sleeveless cut accentuated her extra wavy hair that fell down her back and over her shoulders. There were subtle hints of natural tones in the makeup she wore that brought out the sparkle in her warm inviting eyes.

Crossing the porch to her, Ashlyn smiled to reassure her unsure insecurity. “You look stunning.” Ali smiled shyly and reached for Ashlyn’s biceps and held them with her hands. Leaning closer, she whispered, “You look so sexy.”

When Ali leaned in, she could smell a hint of perfume that complemented everything that was her. Unable to hold back, Ash rested her hands on her hips and pulled her in closer against her. Throwing her arms around the blonde’s neck, Ali smiled, “Merry Christmas, Ashlyn.”

Their eyes locked, the blonde placed a kiss lightly before wishing the same, “Merry Christmas, Alex.” Ali smiled embarrassed, and asked, “Do you love to make me blush?” Nodding slowly, Ashlyn housed a devilish smile on her face, “Yes, I do…Alex.” Biting her bottom lip, Ali rested her head against Ash’s chest. Ali could smell a deep woody scent that was Ashlyn.

Running her hands up along Ali’s back, Ashlyn brought them over her shoulders and caressed down her arms. Pleasant chills racing through her, Ali backed up to meet Ashlyn’s hazel eyes that were hazy with love. Her fingers delicately feathering back through Ash’s hair, Ali was studying everything about her face, memorizing every subtle feature. Before she let her have the opportunity to get sad, she whispered, “Come here, Ali.” Wrapping her arms around her tightly, Ashlyn hugged her and then released her to take her hand and lead her in the house, “Let me take you to dinner.” Ali smiled and followed the blonde. Ash opened the door and held it for her. Closing it behind them, she snapped the lock.

Walking her to the kitchen, Ash pulled the bench out a little for her to sit. Then going to the oven, she removed the prepared meals and set them on the table. She placed a trio of manicotti in front of Ali and handed her a napkin. Ash then poured them each a glass of sparkling cider. Ali met her mischievous eyes and smiled at the gesture. “Just one glass for you. You don’t need to be getting tipsy,” Ash teased.

Placing her own tray of food beside Ali’s, Ash slid in beside her. The brunette had been watching her carefully prepare everything for their dinner together. When she was finally settled, she reached over and set her hand on top of Ashlyn’s, “This is perfect.” An easy smile crept across her face when she turned to Ali. As she studied her face, she felt so many emotions well up inside her that she had no words that she could say to do them justice. Her head tilting slightly as she watched, she asked, “What are you thinking?”

Her heart was pounding in her chest and she really couldn’t figure out why. Her mouth suddenly dry, she licked her lips and let out a nervous laugh, “I’m thinking that I can’t seem to think straight when I look into your eyes. What are you thinking?”

Squeezing Ash’s hand, she smiled, “I’m thinking I’m so in love with you I can’t imagine not feeling this way about you.” Her brown eyes never wavered from Ashlyn. “I know it’s selfish but I’m having a hard time letting you go.”

Ashlyn felt her chest tighten.

Breaking their gaze, Ali pulled back her hand and looked down at her food. Smiling slightly to herself, Ash could see it was strained. “This smells so good,” Ali changed the subject. Picking up her fork, she edged off a piece and put it into her mouth. Her movements were deliberate. She was trying to keep her feelings under control.

Ashlyn took a sip of her juice and started to eat. “What time does your mother want us there tomorrow?”

“She said five.” Ali stole a look over at the blonde. Ashlyn tried her best to not smile and promised, “I’m not going to say a word. I promise. If he acts right, there won’t be a problem.”

“Ashlyn.” Ali’s voice was tense.

“Your mother will be there. So there’s nothing to worry about.” As Ali took another bite of manicotti, she was thinking. When she looked over at Ash again, the blonde leaned in, “You can’t expect me to be in love with you and not want to protect you. It doesn’t work that way.”

Ali let her eyes drift back to her dinner and sat thoughtfully. Ash knew she accepted her response but wanted to make it better. Leaning over, she placed a light kiss on her neck and then another below that one. She watched Ali shrug off the chills the light touches produced. “I know,” she whispered.

After some thought, she added, “I know we talked about it and I’m not going to tell them about us. I can’t.” Ashlyn took another bite and nodded, “Ok.”

“Are you alright with that,” she wanted to know.

Taking a breath, Ashlyn paused, “I have to be if that’s what you want. I’m just going to have to focus on not touching you or kissing you, …or forgetting where we are and calling you ‘love’ accidently.”

Ali smiled a little. There weren’t too many times when they needed to tone down their behavior. There was always a connection between them and Ashlyn enjoyed holding her hand or just having her arm around her waist or resting her hand on her thigh. It gave her butterflies every time that Ash would call her ‘love’. She didn’t want her to stop especially since in a few days she didn’t know when she’d even see her again let alone be in her arms. As much as it was killing her, she was afraid of what Lou would do to her when he found out and they were alone together. She’d been thinking about talking to her mother. She wanted to spend some time with her. Ali had so many plans she wanted to share but she was afraid of her mother stifling them, telling her they were pipe dreams she could never achieve. Her mother held herself captive with her own narrow thoughts. Ali had never agreed with her thinking that she wasn’t good for anything other than being someone’s girlfriend or wife if she was really lucky. She knew she was smart enough if she applied all of her efforts to do anything she set her mind to.

Struggling with her thoughts, she bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes to think. “I don’t want you to change,” she whispered.

Raising her eyebrows, Ash glanced over, “What was that?”

She took a deep breath and repeated, “I don’t want you to change the way you act toward me. If it happens, then I’ll explain. I don’t want to hide. And I don’t want you to change how you are because of them.”

Seeing the way she was pressuring herself, Ash leaned over and put her arm around her. Sliding herself closer, she kissed her head. “I’m not going to do anything to put you in danger. I know what it could trigger.” Taking her hand and intertwining their fingers, she asked, “Have you had too much sparkling cider? Do I need to cut you off?”

Ali smiled a little and looked up batting her eyes, “I think I’ll need another glass.” Ashlyn kissed her nose and poured another glass for her. “Ok, but let’s not get crazy.”

Once they’d finished eating, they cleared the table and then they stood side by side at the kitchen sink washing and drying the few things they’d used. Ashlyn washed the silverware and passed it to Ali to dry and put away. While Ali was wiping down the table, Ash refilled Ali’s glass and handed it to her as they walked into the living room. She set the glass down on the table beside the sofa and sat down. Sitting beside her, Ashlyn put her arm around her and pulled her in close.

“This is the nicest Christmas I’ve had in a long time,” Ali said as she rested her head on Ashlyn’s shoulder. Looking down at the brunette, Ash smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Resting back against the throw pillow, Ali reached her arms around Ashlyn’s neck. They traded kisses until Ash stopped and sat up a little. She was smiling as she watched curious brown eyes question her silently.

“Did you think about Homecoming? Was it something you wanted to do?”

Ali shrugged a little, “I’m not sure. Did you?”

Ash nodded. “Lately, it’s been on my mind.”

She caressed her face with the palm of her hand as she studied her face. “I would have gone with you,” she smiled.

Sitting up, Ashlyn took her hand and helped her sit up, “Ali, would you dance with me?” Her smile answered for her as she nodded, “Yes, I’ll dance with you.”

As Ali stood up and straightened her dress, Ash went to the mantle over the fireplace and tapped play on her cell phone to the playlist she had cued up earlier. The soft sound of the blended guitar began to play and Ali smiled as soon as she recognized it. ‘Fade Into You’ by Mazzy Star had a haunting mellow vocal that set you at ease and lulled you. Ashlyn reached for Ali’s hips and held them lightly. Ali reached her arms up around Ashlyn’s neck and leaned against her. As they moved together slowly, their eyes met and they found themselves lost in a place where only they existed. When ‘Sway’ by Bic Runga began to play, Ali smiled at Ashlyn. The song was romantic and it made Ali feel warm all over. She felt so close to Ashlyn that she rested her head against the blonde’s chest and relaxed in her arms. They moved together slowly as the music played softly. Ali brought her arms down from around Ashlyn’s neck and dropped them to reach around her waist. She closed her eyes and breathed in the essence that made up the very heart of the woman she loved.

Ashlyn could feel Ali trembling in her arms. She hugged her tighter as they moved slowly around the room together. The words to ‘River Waltz’ by The Cowboy Junkies echoed in her head and she felt herself begin to tremble as she listened to its subtle suggestion. Her hands had traveled up along Ali’s bare arms to rest on her shoulders. When Ali lifted her head away from her chest and looked up at her, she felt her stomach flip. The hazy sound of Zero 7 playing ‘In the Waiting Line’ in the background gave her the small boost of confidence that she needed. Ashlyn leaned in to kiss Ali’s lips and felt her lips gently return the affection. Leaning her forehead against Ali’s, Ashlyn took a quick breath, “I want to tell you something.” Ali met her nervous eyes and smiled, “What is it?”

“Don’t be mad at me…” Ashlyn’s hands were shaking against Ali’s shoulders. “I know we said that we weren’t going to give each other Christmas gifts.”

Ali narrowed her eyes a little.

“But I’ve been thinking about this. I wanted to do something, …something to make sure you knew that I was serious about you…something to make you feel loved…even when we were far away from each other.”

“Ash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I know how you feel.”

“I love you, Ali. And just because we’re not going to be together every day doesn’t mean I’m going to forget you.” Ashlyn knelt down in front of her and took her hands. “I’m devoted to you. I adore you with all that I am.” Ali placed the palm of her hand on Ashlyn’s cheek.

Never looking away, Ashlyn reached into her pocket and pulled out a small silver ring with two entwined hearts engraved on it. Holding it up, she met Ali’s eyes, “It’s not much. I coated it in clear nail polish, so it won’t turn your finger green.” Holding her hand up, Ashlyn asked, “May I?”

Ali nodded and let Ashlyn take her hand. Slipping the small ring on her pinky finger, she said, “I promise with this ring that you will always be in my heart. And when you look at it, I hope it reminds you that I’m always thinking of you…and loving you…wherever we are.” With the ring in place, Ashlyn kissed her hand and softly added, “I promise.”

Ashlyn dropped her gaze from Ali and leaned her head against the brunette. The music still played softly in the background, suggesting all the love that Ashlyn promised. Ali tenderly stroked the side of the blonde’s face and held her close.

“Ashlyn, do you think you’re ready to sleep with me?” She had stopped stroking her face but was still holding it gently. “I’m ready. I wanted to give myself to you tonight.”

Looking up at Ali, Ashlyn started to shake her head and Ali stopped her, “Please don’t refuse me unless it’s because you’re not ready. I don’t have much to give you that’s worth anything, and I’ve decided this.” Ashlyn was quiet. “But only if you’re ready. I don’t want to push you.”

Ashlyn looked up, “I want to make you feel good.”

Ali knelt down with Ash, “I want the same for you.” She had taken one of her hands into her own to hold it. “I know that someone hurt you.” Ashlyn slowly peered up as Ali continued, “It’s just the two of us. I would never hurt you.” Pausing, Ali lowered her eyes and spoke softly, “I’m afraid too. But I trust you.” Then they fixed their eyes on each other silently. Ali still held Ash’s cheek with her palm, “Will you take me to bed?”


	22. Bad Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You knew this was inevitable. We're very close to the end of the first part of the book.   
This chapter may be difficult-be warned.

Ali had both of her arms wrapped around Ashlyn’s feet and held them against her chest. She was lying on her side with one of Ash’s legs between her knees. Ashlyn could feel Ali’s warm breath on her feet and it tickled. She was lying on her back and basically rendered immobile. Lifting the covers a little, she could see Ali’s feet resting just within reach.

Reaching her arm out and extending a finger, she lightly ran it along the underside of one of her feet. Her toes twitched and then were still. Ash smiled at the response. Extending her finger and running it along the same foot again, her toes moved a little more and then she stretched her legs out. With both of her feet resting closer to the head of the bed now, Ash rolled onto her side. She felt Ali release her feet and then one of her hands trailed lightly along her calf.

Kissing one of her toes, Ashlyn asked, “Are you awake, down there?”

She heard Ali giggle softly, “Yes, I’m awake.”

Lifting the covers again, she peered into the shadows. “How did you fall asleep like that?” Ali had turned herself around and was now lying beside Ashlyn. Resting on the pillow, she smiled shyly at the blonde and shrugged her shoulders. Ashlyn smiled, “Yeah, about that innocent little shrug thing you do...” Pulling her closer, she wrapped her arms around her, “After last night, you don’t get to do that anymore.”

Ali’s cheeks filled with color when Ashlyn leaned in to kiss her lips. When they pulled apart, breathless, Ashlyn whispered, “Have I told you how incredibly beautiful you are?”

Ali started to kiss Ashlyn and tugged lightly on her bottom lip with her teeth. A subtle sigh escaped her, then, running her hands down Ali’s back and resting on her hips, she pulled her closer. Bringing her thigh up between Ali’s legs, she felt the brunette’s hands traveling down her waist and over her hips. “I love your kisses, Ali.” Pulling back, Ashlyn asked, “No regrets?” Ali smiled shyly, shaking her head, “No. No regrets. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Walking together, hand in hand, the girls talked about things they needed to finish up in the next few days before Ashlyn was gone. They wanted to make sure everything was taken care of ahead of time. Ashlyn had started going through offer letters and schools with Ali. If she passed the national test for any A.P. classes that she’d taken in high school, she was given college credit for that class. During her five semesters, she’d already taken several that would apply toward her degree. If she had enough credits, she would be able to complete her Masters in four years instead of five. Regardless of whether she was provided a scholarship for soccer or academics. Several of the schools she met with were just as interested in helping her look into scholarships and financial aid for her major.

When they’d reached her mother’s house, they stopped outside on the sidewalk. Ali had her hands nervously pushed into the pockets of her jeans. She was staring up at the porch nervously. Ash tried to distract her, “Are you going to tell her about all the scholarships?” Turning her back on the house and leaning against the fence, Ali was thinking until she stopped and fixed her gaze on something. She was looking at the car parked at the curb. “He’s here,” she whispered. Taking her hands and holding them, Ash tried to stop her furious fidgeting. “Hey, look at me.” Ashlyn took her finger and ran it along the small silver ring she wore on her pinky finger.

Meeting her comforting eyes, she finally smiled a little. “You are a strong, confident young woman now, who is on the verge of living an incredible life. No one can take that from you.” She tried to look down and Ashlyn stopped her, “Ali? Do you hear me?”

Meeting the blonde’s hazel eyes, she nodded, “Yes.” Her focus wasn’t fixed on anything in particular and she was nervously biting her bottom lip. Taking a slow breath, Ashlyn asked, “Would you feel comfortable staying in my room after I leave? Nobody has to know, especially them.”

Ali was thinking.

“You don’t have to answer now, “she nodded. “But maybe you’ll feel safer.” Then, taking her hand, she squeezed it. As they reached the top of the steps, Ali reluctantly let go of Ashlyn’s hand and looked back at her before reaching for the door handle. As she pushed the front door open, she stopped and waited for Ash. Closing the door behind her, Ali took a step and stopped when she saw Lou sitting in the lounge chair watching TV. He had his feet up on the coffee table while he was nursing a beer. Even standing beside Ali now, Ashlyn could see the intimidating affect he had. His eyes were fixed on her, unblinking, until he finally spoke in a very cold way toward her, “Hello, Alex.”

Ashlyn could see her shoulders tense up as she managed a soft reply, “Hi.”

He stared her down until his eyes wandered over to Ashlyn and he nodded, “Who’s your friend?” Even as he spoke and Ali replied, she could see he’d already undressed her with his eyes and was disinterested. “This is Ashlyn,” she generically answered. His focus had already returned to Ali and she had already looked down on the table at the coiled up wire.

Just then her mother called from the doorway to the kitchen, “Alex?”

Ali looked up and waved, “hi.” Taking a few steps closer, she motioned, “You remember Ash?”

Rolling her eyes, her mother began drying her hands on a dish towel, “Of course I do, I’m not senile.” Miss Krieger nodded to Ash and asked, “Why don’t you guys set the table?” Still standing by the door, Ashlyn was watching their interaction while taking a glance over at Lou every once in a while. He’d returned his attention to the television and was sipping his beer. He wore a grey tee shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. The white sweat socks on his feet had dark dirty silhouettes of his soles on the bottom. He had a few days worth of unshaven growth on his face that blended up into his salt and pepper hair which at one time must have been black. She looked at the wire on the table with such disgust that she wanted to choke him to death with it. She immediately tried to push out the images in her mind of him beating Ali with it so she wouldn’t spit on him. Walking past him defiantly and deliberately, she took her time. Ali had already started setting out plates on the table. Taking them from her hands, Ashlyn leaned over and gave her a quick reassuring kiss on the side of her temple.

When her mother returned with a bowl of spaghetti and set it down, she looked to Ali, “Call your father to the table.” Once she left the room, the brunette’s eyes fluttered closed a moment before shaking her head to herself. Clearing her throat, she called, “Lou, dinner’s ready.” Ashlyn was placing forks beside the plates as she watched him still in the chair. Ali set her jaw a little as she tensed then called a little louder, “Lou,…” Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. She wasn’t playing his game. Ashlyn placed her last fork and walked over beside his chair. Raising her voice enough to be sure he couldn’t ignore her, she smiled, “Hey, the girls have the table ready and the food’s done. Would you join us?”

Ali stood motionless watching the interaction and Lou glanced up at her without turning his head, “Yeah. Sure kid.” Returning to the table with a bowl of meatballs, her mother scolded, “Alex, the bread.” Turning to the living room, she added, “Lou, let’s go!” When she looked at Ashlyn, she nodded toward a chair, “You can sit there beside Alex.”

Pulling out the chair slowly, Ashlyn felt her own tension and uneasiness settle in. It was a different awkward than she was used to with her own family. Ali returned to the table with the garlic bread with her mother a few steps behind her carrying a larger bowl of salad.

“Alright, everyone. Sit down.” Pulling out a chair for Ali, Ashlyn quickly backed away and sat in her own chair when Ali shot her a look. She realized her gesture wasn’t the smartest. Lou sat at the head of the small table closest to Ali. He was a really tall man and had at least six or seven inches on Ali. Seated beside him, she was slumped in her chair and looked more like a small child.

Lou had brought his beer to the table with him. When he lifted it and took a few long swallows, he crushed the can with his hand and set it down with a loud clank. Ali had been putting some spaghetti on her plate when he slammed down the can. She immediately handed the bowl across to her mother and stood from the table. She left the room and went into the kitchen. When she returned, she had a fresh beer that she pulled back the tab on and set it in front of Lou. Her mother had begun making Lou’s plate for him as he took a swallow of the new can.

Her mother finished preparing his plate then began working on her own. Ali slid the salad toward Ashlyn and put her head back down. She reached across the table and pulled a piece of bread toward her plate. When Lou settled his gaze on her, she stopped. “Can I….May I have a piece of bread, please?” He kept his eyes focused on her in silence. Picking up the bread that had been halfway slid toward her plate, her mother tossed it on her plate, “Go ahead. Let’s not make a federal case out of everything, shall we?”

Ash scooped some sauce along with some meatballs onto Ali’s plate for her. Lowering her head, she side-eyed Lou to see if he was watching her.

When he slammed his hand down, Ali jumped a little and he barked, “Don’t you side eye me, girl.”

Ali’s hands were shaking uncontrollably. “I thought we’d have heard from you sooner, Alex. Are you still failing math?”

A very subtle shake, she whispered, “I’m not failing.”

“Well, what were you having trouble with? Geometry?”

“No, mom. My grades are good.” Her voice had become monotone and low.

“Then what have you been doing with your time?”

“Soccer takes up most of my day when I’m not in class,” she explained.

“Why so much?” her mother questioned.

“Mom, I want to be good. I’m hoping to play in college.” Ali’s responses were very clearly being directed toward her mother. She made sure to very clearly address her.

Her mother and her both took a bite of food and began chewing when Lou started to laugh. He laughed so mockingly hard that he sounded as if he was going to cough up a lung. Then, catching his breath, over his wheezing, he mumbled, “Play in college…. Is your brain dented? You don’t have the grades for that.” He lifted his plate cueing Ali’s mother to refill it. Holding a meatball on his fork, he mocked, “Why you’re wasting all your time playing around is beyond me. You’re too old for all that non-sense. It’s just a game.”

Hoping to squash the fight, she answered, “Yes, sir. Just a game.”

“Your mother and I think it’s time you did something a little more productive with your time instead of playing games. You’re too old for all that now.” Leaning closer, he lowered his voice but maintained eye contact with her, “You’re not a little girl anymore. We want you to come take some responsibility at the restaurant. Give your mother a break, work the afternoon shift.”

Ali started to respond without thinking, “I have soccer in the afternoon. I don’t want to work at the restaurant.”

Slamming his hand, Lou stared Ali down. She looked down into her lap and struggled to find a suitable answer. There was nothing she could come up with in response.

“What about what Ali wants,” Ashlyn questioned.

Ignoring her presence, Lou looked to Ali, “And what does Ali want?” His mocking tone frightened Ashlyn. There was a long uncomfortable silence and he kept his eyes fixed on the brunette who had nothing to counter with. Ashlyn realized she should have kept her mouth shut.

“I’d like to walk my friend to the door now because she needs to go.” Her voice was cracking.

“Good idea,” he slowly nodded.

Turning to Ashlyn, she pleaded with her eyes as she stood from the table, “Come on, Ash, my friend. I’ll walk you out.” Ali took a couple steps back from the table and motioned Ash to follow. Standing slowly, Ash wiped her mouth and smiled, “It was a pleasure meeting you both. Thank you for having me.”

Following Ali to the door, they stepped outside onto the porch and stood silently.

Ashlyn took in a breath to speak and Ali quickly covered her mouth with her hand. “Listen, I don’t have much time.” Glancing back at the door, as she kept her hand grasped on the doorknob, she went on, “When you leave for school, just know that I love you so much.” She reached her arms around Ash’s neck and hugged her tightly. Her whole body was trembling. Wrapping her arms around her, Ash asked, “What exactly is happening?” Ali backed away and said again, “I love you, Ashlyn. My heart belongs to you.”

She heard Lou scream her name and she began to get upset. “Go home. When I’m able, I’ll be in touch. I promise. Go to school, Ash. Please”

Ali opened the front door as Lou screamed her name again. He was standing halfway to the door. Closing it behind her, she took one last look at Ali and then she was gone.

Ashlyn stood motionless. Confused. She didn’t know what to do. She stood on the porch quietly for a while, waiting to see if she could hear anything but there was no sound. No movement. Both of the windows were buttoned up tightly with no light was shining through. Walking down the front steps, she turned and looked up at the house. It was an eerie quiet. Five or maybe even ten minutes went by and Ashlyn still stood in front of the house. Taking her cell phone out of her pocket again, she hit the button and it lit up. Nothing.

Pushing it back into her pocket, she took a few steps down the street. It felt odd leaving Ali’s house without a promise for when they would speak again. The silence was already echoing in her chest. Suddenly the last few months seemed like a dream and now she was awake and the whole thing was fading from her memory. When Ashlyn reached the corner, she took one last look back toward the silent house before turning around it and heading home.


	23. Don't Leave Me This Way      Part: 1

Chapter 23

Don’t Leave Me This Way

(Saturday, January 11, 2020)

Ashlyn had been on campus for almost two weeks. She had a member of the soccer team greet her, give her detailed tours, and introduced her to team members. She’d attended some team events on and off campus, practiced, scrimmaged and felt somewhat confident that she was going to fit in and be productive. Her roommate was her ambassador on campus and for the team. It had only been a short time and they got along famously. Classes were set to begin on Monday. She’d already been able to get all the books and supplies for her classes. Today she was having an open practice and afterward they were meeting with media. She was a little nervous but things had been moving so quickly, there wasn’t enough time to dwell on it. Lack of free time was a good thing because if she had more than a few moments, she felt the crushing anxiety begin to take her breath away.

She’d had a good practice that afternoon. She felt she performed well and was able to keep the pace the team set. She’d been meeting with a couple different reporters who asked basic questions about her feelings about the school, the team and her predictions for the upcoming season.

She had moved on to her last reporter who had asked a lot of similar questions. He’d asked her about her high school accomplishments back home and if she missed being there. She smiled a little because she didn’t know how else to answer other than, “Of course. It’s my home. It’s where it all started.”

He scribbled down her responses and then looked up. “I only have one more question for you. I know you were only teammates for half of your senior year but I wondered if you have any comment on the Alex Krieger story?”

Ashlyn felt a sharp pain paralyze her chest, “What did you say?” Her throat tightened and she could feel a wave of nausea wash over her.

“Alex Krieger, do you have any comment?” He wasn’t really focusing as he gathered some of his things together.

Taking a quick swallow from her water bottle, she stood slowly, “No comment.” She picked up her bag as the reporter basically did the same. “Alright, Ash, thanks for today. Good luck this season.” He exited through the main doorway and Ashlyn calmly walked through the training room until she was in the locker room by herself.

She dropped her bag halfway to the showers and continued into a stall then leaned over to vomit. As her body heaved and convulsed, she reached up and turned on the water to the shower. The spasms brought her to her knees as the tears she cried burned her eyes. Splashing some of the cool water on her face, she fell back to sit against the wall. Her breath catching, she took in short gasps and leaned her head back. She felt like she was hyperventilating.

“Ashlyn?”

She jumped a little when her room mate called her name. She raised her hand to her chest and sighed, “Megan, you scared the hell out of me.”

“You ok?”

Ashlyn wanted to get up, brush herself off and blow off the question. But she couldn’t. She could feel her stomach twisting as it threatened to force another purge of its contents. She glanced over at the running water then down at the tile floor frantically looking for a distraction but it didn’t come soon enough. She leaned back over and threw up again through cries of anguish. She splashed more water on her face and felt Megan rubbing her back gently. Her body collapsed against the tile wall of the shower and she began to cry. She sniffled back tears and choked on her own sobs as she sat back down again.

Reaching up, Ashlyn turned off the water to the shower. She looked over at Megan and took a deep breath.

Sitting across from her on the floor, the wiry brunette narrowed her stare a bit and nodded, “Ok, kid. Listen up. Tough love, I need to ask you three things, then we can be friends again.” The women’s soccer captain began firmly, “Are you hurt or sick?”

Ashlyn shook her head slowly.

“Are you taking any kind of drugs?”

Ashlyn whispered out, “No.”

“Are you pregnant or think you might be?”

Catching her off guard, Ash met her eyes with condescension and Megan shrugged with a smirking grin, “I know, dude, but it’s a common thing.”

Rolling her eyes, Ashlyn felt like she needed to move. She slowly pushed to her feet and stepped out of the shower stall. She went to her bag and pulled out a towel. Wiping her face, she dropped her arms to her sides and let out a soft whine. She found herself looking up at the ceiling as thoughts of Ali flashed through her head. Closing her eyes tightly, her face contorted as the tears began to streak her face again.

Ashlyn had bonded with Megan the first few days they were on campus together. Megan had a great sense of humor and started to remind Ash what it was to feel like laughing and joking around again. She reminded her of summers spent growing up with Chris and getting into good clean trouble if there ever was such a thing. Megan reminded her so much of her brother, that it made it easy for them to become fast friends. They quickly gained the ‘pranksters’ reputation.

Jumping up onto one of the examining tables, Megan slapped her hand on the space beside her and motioned, “Let’s go. Hop up here and tell Dr. Pinoe the trouble.” She did her best Sigmund Freud accent and pretended to stroke her imaginary beard hairs.

Ashlyn walked a few steps closer and gave her the best impression she could that the humor had lessened her grief. Pausing before she spoke, Ash hesitated again and sighed, “I think….” She looked away as she finished, “I think my girlfriend’s dead.”

Megan’s eyes widened and then her expressions cycled for a minute before she spoke. “I might need to add a fourth question. You didn’t do something bad, right?”

“I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too. What makes you say something like that?”

“The last thing the reporter asked me was if I wanted to comment on my former teammate’s story.”

“He said she was….dead?” Megan’s left eye twitched a little at her question.

Ash shook her head, “No, but I know her situation. And I haven’t heard from her in two weeks.”

Jumping down from the table, Megan paced around the table, “Maybe she’s on vacation with her family or she’s been busy. It’s that time of year….”

“Her mother’s boyfriend beat her.”

Megan stopped her pacing and looked up. “He beat her because she wouldn’t sleep with him.”

Her hand ran slowly across her stomach as she listened to Ashlyn. It was disgusting to think about the torture of having to live in a household like that. “OK, so if it’s a story, let’s Google it.”

Megan fished her cell phone out of her pocket and swiped off the lock. Placing her hand over Megan’s, Ashlyn pleaded with her eyes, “Promise me that this stays between us for now.”

Megan’s expression changed, “Your business will always be just that. I’ll never sell out your personal life. That, you can bet on.” Her gaze remained fixed on Ashlyn until she dropped her hand from Megan’s and asked, “You read it first. Then tell me.”

“Alright, what’s her name? And I already know where you went to school…”

“Alex Krieger, if that doesn’t come up, try…..”

Megan raised her hand as she read silently. She broke her concentration on what she’d found to steal a glance at Ashlyn and continued to slowly scroll as she read. After a minute, she was shaking her head. She’d taken in a breath and watched Megan’s jaw set tensely.

Ashlyn turned her back and began to slowly pace as she pulled at her fingernail with her teeth. When she turned, Megan was looking up at her. “She’s not dead.”

Ashlyn wanted to smile but Megan’s face told her there was more. “You were right.”

Before they could say anything else, they heard voicing coming from the corridor and they were getting louder.

“Let’s go back to the dorm and you can read this in private, ok?”

Picking up her bag, Ashlyn followed Megan out of the locker room as fast as her feet could carry here.

As soon as they were through the dorm door, Megan had pulled up the article on her laptop:

** _In the early morning hours of December 26th, a 911 call came in that sent police to a residential home just outside of Patrick AFB not far from the_ ** ** _ Satelite Senior High School. A sixteen-year-old was taken to a local hospital, after she was found by police to have been badly beaten with a wire by her mother’s boyfriend. Forty-six-year-old, Louis Cheney, was arrested and held without bail for aggravated battery, assault of a minor, child endangerment and other charges after police received an emergency call from a cell phone. Police were able to hear the pleas of the sixteen-year-old as she begged him not to hurt her and responded. Once they arrived on scene, the girl was found naked and bleeding from injuries which required medical attention. _ **

** _ Click the following link to hear the 911 recording _ **

** _ UPDATE: New information regarding this case _ **

Ashlyn wasn’t sure she could listen to the recording. Her heart was racing. She clicked on the update link, looking to find out more.

** _The sixteen-year-old who was taken to a local hospital after she was badly beaten by her mother’s boyfriend filed a petition in court today to be emancipated from her mother in an attempt to escape years of abuse at home. On the morning of December 26th, quick thinking Alexandra Krieger dialed 911 and set the phone down in an obscured area when she found herself trapped in her bedroom with no escape. With the line active, police were able to trace the location of the call after hearing her cries for help when her boyfriend’s mother broke down her door. An investigation is pending regarding the allegations of abuse and the minor has been taken into protective custody at this time until the case can be reviewed by the court. The public defender for the city was quoted, “This courageous young woman deserves the support of the community and any resources available within the system to assist in dissolving the relationship that allowed the continued negligence.”_ **

** _*A hearing has been scheduled for Friday, January 10th at the Family Courts Building at 10 am. Until then, Miss Krieger has been granted a temporary placement with a trusted mentor._ **

** **

Ashlyn sat staring at the screen with her hand on her forehead. The tears she cried were mixed with relief that she was finally safe but pained for all the hurt she’d endured. She couldn’t imagine at this point how she would even be able to get in touch with her or how to find her. Ashlyn wanted to leave school right now and go to find her.

Megan had been reading over her shoulder as she scrolled through the story. When she quickly stood, she questioned, “What are you doing?”

Ashlyn had gone to her closet and started throwing things into a large duffel bag. Megan reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her frantic movements and asked, “Hey? I said what are you doing?” Looking up at Megan, Ashlyn blinked, “I have to find her.”

“Hold on. She’s safe. Didn’t you read what it said. He’s in jail, she’s been to court and she’s being treated in the hospital. You couldn’t ask for more. What is you going to find her gonna do?”

Ashlyn blinked. She didn’t have an answer.

“Are you guys real close, I mean, have you been together long enough that….”

Ash cut her off, “Yes, we’re that close.”

“Ok, then she’ll get in touch with you. Let her sort her life out. It looks like she’s trying to get it together. Let her focus. I can’t imagine what she’s probably navigating.”

Sitting back on the bed, Ash thought to herself. “I feel bad that I’m not there for her. The last two weeks have been pure hell. Not knowing if she’s dead or alive…or where she was.”

Sitting beside her, Megan lowered her voice, “Now you know. She’s ok.”

Ash gave her a side glance, “Just because she’s alive doesn’t mean she’s ok.”

Megan nodded, “Fair enough. But classes start Monday, you’re just going to run off. You’re scholarship rides on your grades. You can’t just leave.”

Ashlyn sighed. She was struggling.

Scrolling through her phone for a few minutes, Megan huffed, “Alright, listen. It’s an eight-and-a-half-hour drive there. If we leave now, we’ll be there by early evening. We’ll have half the day to deal with this but we gotta leave for home by three.”

Ashlyn looked over with a raised eyebrow, “We?”

Standing, Megan reminded her, “I’m the team captain. I can’t let you just run off half-cocked. Besides, you’ll need your ride or die for moral support.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Ashlyn stood up to meet her. Clapping her hand on her shoulder, Megan smiled, “It’s a good thing you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

_________

Megan had been driving for about two hours while Ashlyn combed the internet for hints on Ali’s whereabouts. When she became frustrated enough, the blonde slammed her phone into her lap.

Lowering the radio, she asked, “Any family?”

“No.”

“Close friends?”

Shooting a look across the car to her roommate, Megan shrugged, “Well, I guess now I know how serious you guys are.”

Ash tried to smile.

“No little secret hideouts or places she went when she needed to get away?”

When Ash huffed out a breath, Megan pulled her mouth to one side and mumbled, “I guess that was you too. I see where this is headed.”

Snapping her head up, the blonde picked her phone back up and scrolled through the article. After a finding the link she was looking for, Ash shouted, “I KNOW WHO SHE’S WITH!”

Her hand grasping at her chest dramatically, Megan asked, “Are you going to let the curiosity kill me or what?”

“The end of the article says they granted custody to a trusted mentor. I know who that is. She told me a story about one of our teachers who she’s had a bunch of classes with over the years and he’s kind of been looking out for her and guiding her in the right direction. You know, keeping her on the right path so she could make something out of herself and use her gifts.”

“Gifts,” Raising her eyebrows, Megan repeated, “What kind of gifts are we talking about?”

Throwing an elbow into her side, the brunette let out an injured ‘whoof.’

The mood lightening, both girls laughed a bit. “So why is it that you never mentioned you had a lady friend? Or that you liked the company of said lady friends?” Ashlyn put her head down and shrugged her shoulders, “I’m still coming to terms with it all. So I’m not big on stories yet.”

“You’re not out are you?”

“Out of…oh, you mean the closet.” Nodding her head and throwing her hands up, Ash shrugged and whined, “I don’t know. Why is it such a thing?”

“Well, how’s that make her feel?” Ash shrugged again, “I think she’s fine with our relationship.”

Megan stared for so long, that she began to slow the car and pull to the side of the road. Once the car was in park, Megan turned to her and pulled a leg up onto the front seat. “Ok, out with it.”

“Out with what?”

Raising up her hand, Megan waved her off, “Don’t give me that crap. You know what I’m talking about. Is she out?”

Ash shook her head no.

“Both of you, on the down low?” Her eyes narrowed, “What are you hiding?”

“Neither of us are marching in any parades and we’re not out and proud ok? But we love each other.”

“Ash…. how old is she?” Taking a deep breath, the blonde stared out the window. “Oh lord, that’s it. Isn’t it?” How old? C’mon, tell me. Are you a cougar, Miss Harris? Are you robbing the cradle?”

When the silence took over, Megan focused her attention back on the road while she passed some traffic. When she looked back over, she stayed silent. The stare of icy death that Ashlyn had sent her way was enough to drop it for now.

“And don’t call her a child. She an intelligent young woman.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Smarter than you and me put together.”

“Hey, I’m not stupid, there, pal.”

“I didn’t say you were, and neither am I. She’s just that smart.”

“So how did you meet?”

Ashlyn rolled her eyes at the thoughts of the first time she met Ali. “We never officially met, met, until start of this school year. When I was a sophomore, there was this girl in one of my AP classes that kept blowing the bell curve for us. In the meantime, I kept running into this girl who just irked me. And I think I grated her nerves too. It grew into this hate/hate relationship. Us seeing one another was always an inconvenience. She we threw around a lot of insults. Plenty of jabs. Then I found out it was her who was acing the class that we all wanted the curve for. Megan nodded, “Typical love at first sight type drama.”

“She didn’t have the best reputation either. But a few months ago, I came across the captain of our football team with her on her knees in front of him and his hand around her throat choking her to death.

“The answer to your prayers it would seem.”

Shooting her a look, “Megan…..”

“Ok, so what?”

“I got rid of Mr. QB and reality hit us both like a ton of bricks on our heads. I think we were in shock. She was scared to death. We went to get some food, I spent some time with her, walked her about as close to her home as she’d let me take her and the rest is history. We’ve been inseparable.”

“Four months?”

“Yeah, about that.”

“Sleeping together?”

Smiling to herself, Ashlyn blushed as she nodded. “Awwwww, look how sweet that is. Was it, wait…. were you both virgins?”

Ashlyn screwed her face up not wanting to get into the sordid details. “You both were weren’t you?”

“Ohhhh, that is so precious. It’s just adorable.”

“Pinoe,” Ash cut her off, “One more word…”

“So she’s fifteen……. fourteen?”

Ash glared at her to stop. When it didn’t seem like she had the self-control to cease the insensitive questioning, the blonde answered, “Sixteen.”

“That’s not so bad. And you seriously love her? What’s that like?”

Ashlyn had poised to yell at her, but she sat staring intently waiting for an answer.

“It’s amazing. I wake up with her in my arms, and she’s the last thing I see before I fall asleep as I wrap my arms around her.”

“And she’s just as gross with all this cuddly sickening sweet stuff?”

“Hey, buddy, I wouldn’t knock it til you tried it.”

Megan drove in silence as she watched the smile that crept across the blonde’s face and she had no doubt she was thinking about Ali and how their cuddling made the two of them very happy.

“Wait, she’s not out, right? What was she doing with Mr. QB? I assume she didn’t have a reputation for ‘blowing’ the bell curve.” Megan was very pleased with her witty pun but her self indulgent smile faded when she found Ashlyn red faced and glaring.

“I haven’t seen you get mad, irritated or even bothered by anything until now. This chic has really done something to you. You got it bad, you know that?”

Ashlyn’s features softened. She blushed as she thought about being with Ali for the first time on Christmas Eve. They were both so nervous and innocent. They took their time, learning what felt good and exploring each other. Ashlyn smiled at the clumsy awkwardness between them and how if felt to enjoy the excitement of the new relationship.

As Ali was lying face down beside Ashlyn on her belly, she delicately traced her fingers along her back, teasing her with a little tickling feeling. Ali would smile and giggle softly at the sensations. When her fingers reached the small of her back, Ash could see a tenseness in her body return as she stiffened up. Ignoring the reaction, the blonde continued smiling at the beauty of her soft skin. She grazed slowly over faint white scars that were barely visible but no doubt the reason for her insecurity. When Ashlyn didn’t respond to what Ali assumed would be that of horror and disgust, she relaxed slightly. Ashlyn’s persistence had Ali laughing again and all but forgetting her embarrassment.

Megan threw an elbow at the blonde, “Hey, Miss Daisy…..wake up. We’re like an hour out.” Pushing herself up in her seat, Ashlyn could smell the salty air. It was amazing what two weeks had done. Knowing that she was no longer tethered to the town, it already seemed small and foreign.

“So where’s he live?” Megan stared with a hand outstretched, “Where’re we going?”

It was seven o’clock at night. “Should we wait until morning? Then we’d have more time…” Ashlyn was scrolling through her phone again, “I still don’t know where he lives.”

Pulling into a strip mall by the highway, Megan snatched the phone from her, “Good god, woman, haven’t you ever internet stalked somebody before. What’s his name?”

“Mr. Russell.” As soon as the words left her lips, Megan dropped her hand into her lap and shook her head, “Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t know his first name?”

The two of them laughed at the stupidity of her response. Googling the school, and finding his name, Megan had pulled up his address in under three minutes. Tossing the phone back, “There you go. One trusted mentor.”

“You’re a little scary, do you know that?”

“Ha! As if….” Looking around the parking lot, Megan suggested, “Pizza? My stomach is eating itself I’m so hungry.”

Something had caught her eye and Ashlyn nodded, “You go ahead. I’ll be right there.”

__________________________________________________

Walking into the pizza parlor with a small bag that she set on the counter, Ash asked, “Anchovies, seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Returning to the table with a couple plain slices, Ash said, “We can spend the night at my house. This address is only about 20 minutes away.”

“Good, that was my next question. So, instead, now I’ll ask what’s in the bag?”

“I got a phone for Ali. So we can keep in touch.”

Megan stopped chewing, “If she’s this disgusting, you and I might not be able to be friends anymore.”

_____________________________________________

When they pulled up in front of Ashlyn’s house, she stared hard. “There’s a light on. Somebody’s home.” There was caution and uncertainty in her voice.

“Why am I worried,” Megan whispered out. “Should we duck down out of sight?”

Giving her an exasperated sigh, Ash shrugged, “Let’s find out.”

Walking up onto the porch, Ashlyn tried to peek through the gap in the curtain to see movement. Finally, she pulled open the screen door and stepped inside. Her mother was lying face down at the table. When the screen slammed closed behind Megan, Ashlyn frowned at her.

Snapping her head up, her mother hazily focused on the two figures by the door. “Who’s that?” she slurred.

Lowering her voice, Ash called, “Mom, its me.”

“Christopher, honey….” She smiled a little.

Taking a couple steps closer, the blonde waited for acknowledgement. “How’s my big boy?”

Her voice cracking, she tried again, “No, mom, it’s me. Ash.” Kneeling beside the disheveled woman, she smiled slightly in the hopes she’d recognize her.

The smile melted and the woman frowned. “Where have you been?”

Standing up defensively, Ashlyn questioned, “Where have I been? Are you kidding me?” Her voice had escalated into a high strained sounding pitch. “I’m in college. But a better question, where have YOU been?”


	24. Don't Leave Me This Way   Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate the patience. I hope the first part of their lives has laid a foundation for what's ahead. There will be a  
significant time so we'll be filling in the gaps as we go. 
> 
> I hope you'll stick with these two.

Slowly standing from her chair, the woman questioned, “Are you shouting at me?” Leaning heavily on the table, she balanced herself, “Who do you think you are?”

Her body stiffened and Ashlyn took a small step back and bowed her head, “I’m sorry.”

Settling her sights on the figure in the living room, Ash turned and glanced over her shoulder, “That’s my friend.” Looking back to her mother, she slowly asked, “Where’s dad?”

Meeting her daughter’s hazel eyes, she blinked with an unfocused daze, “Jail. Two years.”

Ashlyn raised her hand to her forehead, “I don’t want to know.”

“We hid out for a while but they arrested us both eventually and he took the hit. I got lucky with 60 days. But I’m on probation.”

Ashlyn could feel the anxiety in her stomach twisting her insides. When she caught the subtle scent of fresh orange citrus, she smiled a little and immediately thought about dancing with Ali by the fireplace on Christmas Eve. She wanted that warm feeling back in her life. The last four months had been some of the happiest and most stable times in her life. She wasn’t sad, depressed, or anxious and she didn’t question what she was living for every day. When she was with Ali, she didn’t feel different. There was no need to hide who she was or how she felt. Not only did Ali make her feel comfortable in her own skin but she made her want to build a future together. Ashlyn felt that when they were together, she was able to truly be herself without judgement.

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Megan whispered, “You alright?”

Startling her from her thoughts, Ash nodded and patted her hand lightly.

Taking a breath, the blonde began, “Alright, listen. I don’t know if you heard me say that I started college but I’m only here overnight. We have to leave early in the morning and drive back. As soon as I have a break, I’ll come back and collect whatever else I have here. I hope everything works out.”

As she turned, she motioned to Megan, “C’mon.”

Nodding, Megan displayed a crooked smile, “It was nice meeting you.” Following Ashlyn down the hallway, she stepped inside the doorway and pushed it closed behind her.

Ash was pulling some linens from her closet on the top shelf, “Dude, I’m sorry about that. I haven’t seen them since the summer. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. If I keep coming back here, they’ll unravel everything I’ve worked for.” She was quickly throwing sheets on the bed and feverishly trying to avoid further conversation. Pulling a pillow case around a pillow, she stopped and closed her eyes. Bowing her head silently, she took in an uneasy breath in an attempt to calm her nerves.

Coming to her side, Megan whispered, “Do you know how amazing you are?”

Looking up suddenly, the blonde seemed confused. Megan smiled a little and nodded, “After we make sure that Ali is alright, we can come back here and I’ll help you pack whatever you need. If it fits in my piece of shit gas guzzler then we’ll haul it back to school.”

Ash was intently staring into her soft brown eyes as she spoke. Her cheeks began to fill with color as the self-awareness of her gesture became clear. Quickly breaking her gaze, she tried to turn away. Reaching out for her arm and stopping her, Megan continued, “It won’t always be like this. Do you hear me? You won’t always feel this way.” Brushing back some of the blonde locks off of her shoulder, her friend promised, “One day, you’ll be confident and proud of who you are.” Ashlyn tried to smile to hide her embarrassment. “The only thing missing in your life was a friend like me.”

Catching the blonde off guard, she began to laugh along with her friend. Megan pitched herself onto the bed and asked, “Is this our love nest for tonight, darling?”

Rolling her eyes, Ashlyn mumbled, “Any part of you crosses the halfway point, you’re not getting it back.”

“So touchy…”

Throwing the pillow at her, Ash asked her if she needed anything else before bed. Megan winked as she patted the space beside her and blew a kiss into the air.

Turning off the desk light, Ash groaned, “Goodnight, Megan.”

_____________________________

Slowly creeping along the street at 5 MPH, Ashlyn was watching the house numbers. “Two twenty-three,” she announced. Pointing, Megan asked, “That should be it.”

Sitting silently in front of a tall two-story brick house, they both watched as if something were about to significantly happen. “It looks nice,” Megan shrugged. Meeting Ashlyn’s eyes briefly, she asked, “You want me to stay here. You guys can take your time and hash things out.”

Her head tilting to the side, Ash narrowed her eyes a little, “We’re not going to fight….”

Turning slightly toward her friend, Megan corrected, “No, I more meant that it was going to take some time for her to talk to you. She’s probably pretty emotional.”

Quickly looking back up at the house, Ashlyn mumbled under her breath, “Jesus, you’re right.”

Megan put a hand to her shoulder and said, “Take whatever time you need. Be there for her.”

Her hand on the car door, Ashlyn made brief eye contact, “Thanks.” Dropping her gaze, she sat silently before letting out a nervous laugh. “Go ahead. I’m sure she’s going to be happy to get your hug.”

A smile creeping to one side of her mouth, curling it up slightly, Ashlyn opened the door and slowly approached the house. Taking a deep breath, she looked back at the car as Megan nodded for her to go on. Ringing the bell, her stomach became nervous as she waited to hear movement inside.

When she heard footsteps, she felt her face flush with heat. The door slowly opened and she was met with the kind smile of a man she didn’t recognize. Suddenly filled with uncertainty. She wasn’t sure if she should ask for her teacher or Ali.

“Hello. Can I help you?” He smiled as a small boy around eight came running to his side. He shyly hid behind the man and peeked around to watch Ashlyn. Disarming her sudden anxiety, Ashlyn smiled and waved at him. Meeting the man’s curious stare, she asked, “Is Mr. Russell home? He’s my teacher.”

The man reached out a hand and introduced, “It’s nice to meet you, Ashlyn. I’m Paul. Come on in.” Stepping inside, she stopped when a frown took her face, “How did you know my name?”

“We thought you might show up,” he smiled. “Follow me” Turning, he started down the hallway with the young boy following closely behind. ”Jackson, my love, you’re other soccer player is here.”

As they entered a large open kitchen, her teacher walked in from the doorway to a library. He smiled at her and folded his arms over himself, “Miss Harris, I expected you sooner.”

Stifling a smile at his playful greeting, Ash nodded a little, “I didn’t know that something had happened until yesterday afternoon. Glancing over at the man who was seated at the table, he smiled and added a winning smirk.

Waving him off, Paul scoffed, “Yes. Fine, you win. Life goes on.” His attempt at indifference was out measured when he stole a second look back at him with a grin.

Mr. Russell smiled and introduced, “I see you’ve met my husband, Paul, and our son, Jacob.” Looking back to Ashlyn, he explained, “I told him once you heard what happened that it wouldn’t be twenty-four hours before you figured it out and showed up on our doorstep.” Her face softened to meet Paul’s defeated faux frown.

Then looking back to him slowly, Ashlyn stepped closer. She very seriously whispered, “What happened? Is she...hurt real bad?” Her voice cracked as she spoke.

Her teacher reached an arm out to put around her shoulder and motioned with a nod, “Let’s just sit down and chat a bit.”

Retreating into the library, he closed the sliding double doors for privacy. Sitting across from him, Ashlyn began fidgeting her fingers in her lap. She waited patiently for him to decide on the starting point of his story.

“I’m not going to lie to you. She’s pretty banged up, emotionally and physically.”

Ashlyn felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Staring down into her lap, she squeezed her eyes shut tight. “Alex and I haven’t spoken about the event. Honestly, even if she had, I wouldn’t violate that trust. She is speaking with a therapist to work through some of this.”

“So, she’s here?”

He smiled softly and nodded. “She’s only been here since Wednesday. She had an extended hospital stay.” Sitting up straighter, Ashlyn’s alarm flushed her face again.

Holding a hand halfway up, her teacher calmed, “They held onto her until I could file for emergency guardianship. This way she didn’t need to go to a juvenile center or to someone she didn’t know. They wanted to make her comfortable. The officers that responded that morning have taken good care of her. They made sure the media hasn’t harassed her, they’ve watched the house and when she was in the hospital they made sure that all of her needs were met.

“Everyone has gotten her to here.”

“I got a call in the morning on Friday, the 27th, from the hospital. This was the same day the newspaper article ran. They said that Alex gave them my name as an emergency contact. I could only imagine what had happened. They asked me if I could come down and be with her. It had been a little over twenty-four hours since they’d gotten her call and figured out where she was. They said…” He paused before he continued. Looking at Ashlyn, thoughtfully, he warned, “This is going to be hard to hear. They pulled up to the house and could hear her screaming to ‘please stop’. Her mother was standing in the hallway crying but not doing anything to stop it. She didn’t have any clothes on. He had her pinned, face down on the bed and he was whipping her with a wire.”

He stopped when Ashlyn bowed her head. It was obvious how much she cared. The thought of what she’d been through had both angered and upset her. She thought about the last time this had happened. Ali was in pain but she talked about it as if it was a trade that had occurred. She hadn’t made it sound like there was such a struggle. However, this time, sounded as if she wasn’t giving in to him.

“He was shouting at her, she was screaming back and the police had to draw their guns on him. When he dropped the wire and stood, they immediately hand cuffed him and took him out of the room. A female officer took care of Alex but several of the others who were there did their best to maintain her dignity from what I understand. Once he got off of her, she didn’t move. She was exhausted. The officer covered her and then tried to calm her down. They eventually did have to sedate her.”

Ashlyn closed her eyes. She was thanking whatever deity existed that Lou was behind bars. She swore on everything that she ever believed in that it would take every fiber of her being to not tear him apart if she ever saw him again. She thought about how close she’d been to him sitting in his chair not paying attention. She could have hit him over the head and been done with this. He wouldn’t have had the chance to lay a finger on Ali.

Ashlyn looked up, and then looked over her teacher’s head to focus on anything other than what she wanted to ask. The words stalled before she could get them out. “Do you know…” Chewing on her lip, she tried again, “Did he…”

“Alex denies it. She said they were fighting because she said no and stood her ground.”

Whatever small victory that might have been, Ashlyn felt it was still too large a price to have to pay. Ali’s virtue was the only thing she valued and she wasn’t about to let him corrupt it.

“I should have never let her make me leave.”

“Miss Harris,” he began sternly out of habit. “Nothing about this was brought about by the actions of you or Alex. His behavior has been reprehensible.” His voice softened, “I fear that had you intervened, things may have escalated into a worse outcome.”

A light knock interrupted the tension in the air. Paul slid open one of the pocket doors and held up a large white box. Holding it up, he nodded, “For Alex.”

Standing, Mr. Russell smiled. “Let’s take this into the kitchen.” Following him, she stood at the counter as he snipped off the string. As he went to the cabinet, he took out some small plates and explained, “There’s a pastry shop that’s been sending something over for her every morning.” When Ashlyn saw the Danish topped with apples, she smiled.

He arranged some on the plate and noticed her approval, “I take it she’s a fan?”

“She likes apples.”

“A patrol car has been coming by to drop things off. There’s been an outpouring from the community.” Paul came back into the kitchen carrying two very large boxes. He set them beside the table and said, “The officer said he’s going to send someone else to bring out a few more packages later. They’re investigating a suspicious vehicle outside.”

Her eyes wide, Ashlyn ran from the kitchen, “Oh my god, no.”

Racing down the front walk, Ashlyn was calling, “Wait….” One of the officers had Megan standing by the front of her car asking her questions. Her teacher followed a few steps behind while his family waited in the doorway. “She’s here with me. She drove me.”

Reaching their side, Mr. Russell questioned, “You left her in her car?”

Megan put her hands over her head defensively and mumbled, “You guys are really serious down here.”

Megan sat on the floor in the living playing with Jacob. Pouring two cups of coffee, Mr. Russell set them on the tray beside the pastry. “Why don’t you bring this up to her? It’s the room on the right at the top of the stairs.”

Picking up the tray, Ashlyn waited for him to look up at her, “Thank you.” He placed a sugar bowl beside the creamer and nodded to her. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Climbing the stairs carefully, she peeked through the cracked opening. She quietly pushed open the door and set the tray down on the desktop. She moved around the bed to sit on the side that she was facing as she slept. As soon as Ashlyn saw her, she felt her stomach tighten and her breath catch. Realizing just how much she missed the brunette; her emotions flooded her body and her face flushed hot. Lightly, she caressed her cheek. It made her physically ache not being able to put her arms around her for all this time.

“Ali…” It’s was barely a whisper. “Wake up, love.”

Her eye catching the medicine bottles on the table by the bedside, Ashlyn picked one up to read its name. She set it down beside the other one and turned it to face forward so she could read it. After she set it down, she sighed. They’d given her sleeping pills and muscle relaxers.

Reaching under the covers, Ashlyn felt around for her hand. Taking it into her own, it was warm and soft. Lying back, she rested her head beside her on the pillow. She had tucked herself under the comforter and pulled all the edges underneath her. There was no way to reach around her without waking her.

Ashlyn watched her sleeping until eventually she began to stir. Her breathing began to change and there were subtle movements on her face. As she approached consciousness, her eyes began to flutter before she opened them halfway. She squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and whispered, “Is that really you?”

Using her fingers to comb back her hair, Ashlyn smiled and leaned in to kiss her forehead, “It’s me, love.”

Ali smiled sleepily and reached out her other arm to pull the blonde closer to her. Ashlyn pulled the comforter halfway down and put her arms around her, “I missed you so much.”

Pulling back, she looked at the white long-sleeved tee shirt she was wearing. She read the name of the school on the front and looked up at her curiously. Pushing the covers down a little farther, she was wearing matching logo sweatpants.

Ali lifted her head a little and realized the question the blonde was going to ask next. “Alyssa and her teammates sent me a care package with lots of clothes because I don’t have anything.” Her head resting on the pillow again, she added, “All the girls on the teams from the tournament sent things.”

“When I didn’t hear from you, I didn’t know what to think. Your phone went right to voice mail…”

“I’m sorry. They took it as evidence. And I haven’t really felt like me.”

Ashlyn motioned to the medicine bottles, “Are you taking those?”

Ali looked over her shoulder at them and then shook her head, “I don’t really want to feel drugged. I haven’t used them. They gave me something when they took me to the hospital and it took days to wear off. I slept so much that…” Looking away embarrassed, she continued, “I wet myself.”

Wincing in pain, Ali jerked herself when she had relaxed and tried to roll onto her back. Her breath caught sharply and she pulled back onto her side and drew her knees up closer to her chest. Her soft whine was accompanied by facial grimacing that left Ashlyn feeling sick. “Honey, why did you make me leave?”

Ali composed herself and then pushed up trying to sit. “I didn’t want him to hurt you. I knew what he was going to do.”

“Why didn’t you just come with me?”

Struggling to keep herself upright, the brunette met her concerned stare, “I didn’t want to be on the run. When you told me that you’d wait until I was thirty-five until we could start a family together, I got scared. I would have to live as long as I already have all over again before that could happen. I know that I’m young and you’re my first love….but I have these feelings for you that I really don’t think are just my hormones.”

Ali’s movements were uncomfortable to watch. She had started to sweat when she told Ashlyn, “I never thought that I was going to have much of a life until I met you. Suddenly all I could think about was playing soccer and going to school. Things I wanted before Lou corrupted my mind.”

She became emotional as she spoke. “I never want someone to have that kind of control over me again.” Ashlyn reached for her again but stopped and pulled away quickly when Ali cried out. “Jesus, what did he do to you?”

She let out a breath and laid back down. “When I went back into the house, he was standing right there waiting for me. He was angry. He told me to go to my room. I sat in there for hours waiting until I realized what he was going to do.”

“When it all first started, he made me feel worthless. He began belittling the things I loved until I had given up everything I cared about. I’d pushed away friends and stopped thinking about all that I could be. Suddenly all I could think about was alI that I couldn’t be because I wasn’t good enough. Then I quit soccer. Once that was gone it became pretty easy for him to convince me how worthless I was. I had nothing left I valued and nowhere to go to spend my time. I just hung around the house and listened to him tell me how my life would end up. He chastised me for still playing a game and told me I needed to grow up.” She looked over at Ashlyn with tears filling her eyes. “I think that’s when I stopped growing,” her voice cracking as she spoke. “I would have known who I was if I’d kept playing. I wouldn’t have lost ‘myself.’”

“The first night he came into my bedroom I was already asleep. My mother was working late. I opened my eyes and he was standing over my bed looking at me. I didn’t really know what he wanted; I was just a kid. What I did know, was that the way he looked at me made me feel funny. It felt wrong. One night I woke up while he was masturbating. I remember getting scared. He tried to get me to touch him and I guess I gave him a sarcastic answer he didn’t like.”

Sliding into bed beside the brunette, she asked, “Please let me hold you?” Ali melted into her embrace and Ashlyn pulled up the security of the comforter over the both of them.

“He slapped my face all the time. I really was sarcastic. When he hit me for that comment it wasn’t anything special. Then told me he wanted to touch me. I said no. He said he wanted to have sex with me and I said no. He was so angry. He ripped the chord out of my television and told me if I said no then I had to take a beating with the tv wire.”

Ashlyn could feel her body trembling in her arms. She wished there was some way that she could stop it from happening. “Every time he came into my room, he gave me a choice. It always made him angry when I just kicked off the blanket as my answer. He started to hit me harder and for longer. I noticed that it happened after my mother would fight with him. The night I met you and came home late, he was sure that I had a boyfriend and was out having sex with him. He picked up the wire and told me to lean against the wall. When I did it without arguing he got mad and pulled my pants down. After he let me go, I ran. I stayed under the pier all night.”

“As I sat in my room after you left, I thought about what’s happened since I met you. You’re so strong, Ashlyn. You’ve built me back up and told me all the things I can do if I try. It’s been a long time since someone’s believed in me. I didn’t want how I felt to end. I didn’t want what we had between us to end. I had to stop him. I wedged the chair under the doorknob. As soon as I heard him try to open it I dialed 911. I hid the phone on my shelf and started screaming for him to leave me alone. Once he broke the door down, I kept telling him to get away from me. But I couldn’t get around him. He grabbed me and threw me down onto my bed. He put a knee in my back and the other into my lower back to hold me down. He grabbed one of my wrists and twisted it behind my back. He kept telling me to just give up because it was going to happen. I never stopped fighting him until the police came and stopped him.”

Ashlyn held her as tightly as she could and was crying with her and for her. “Oh, god, Ali. I’m so so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there. I never should have left.” She kissed the top of her head and held her against her. “I can’t imagine how you must have felt.” Ali reached her arm around the blonde and whispered, “I’m going to be alright.”

Leaning back, Ashlyn looked into her eyes, “How can you say that?”

Ali let go of her hold on Ashlyn and laid back against the pillows, “Nothing’s broken. There’s a lot more of the cuts than usual but I’ve had them before. Everything else is just sprained and bruised up. My body will heal itself.”

Ashlyn shook her head slowly, “You’re an amazing woman.” She watched a subtle smile find Ali’s face and the words comforted her. “Tell me what hurts.”

“It looks worse than it is. My left arm and shoulder are sprained. My back hurts the most right now. Mostly when I try to sit up or turn.”

“Is that why you’re covering up with so much clothing? The bruises?”

Ali shrugged a shoulder.

Ashlyn took Ali’s hand into hers and held it, “How bad are the cuts?”

Blushing, she looked away, “They hurt. But I’d do it again if it means being in control of my own life.”

Ashlyn pulled her closer again, “Are you going to have to be in the foster care system now?”

Ali took a breath but stopped. Then she looked up at the blonde, “You don’t know, do you?”

Ashlyn questioned with her eyes nervously.

“I had a hearing yesterday in court. I filed for emancipation from my mother.” Her voice had lowered and she rested her head against Ash’s chest.

“I did read that. So, you have to go to court and fight for that.” Ash took a breath and said, “I’ll go with you, Ali. I’ll stay by your side, so you don’t have to do this alone.”

“It’s done already, “Ali whispered. She met Ashlyn’s eyes with her own that were teary and said, “She gave me up. My mother signed away her right to contest. I’m free.”

“Oh, god, Ali. I think you’re the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”

The brunette sniffled back some tears and sobbed, “I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t there yesterday because they were just filing it. When the social worker came by to tell me, she said my mother didn’t want me to go through anything else. And that was it.” Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she shrugged, “I wasn’t worth fighting for.”

“Is that what you think?” Ash put a hand under her chin and tilted her face up to meet her eyes. “You’re so damn special. Everyone respects you. Your teachers, your opponents that you showed compassion…and have you seen all the letters and cards and boxes of donations downstairs. You’re a role model for young women.”

Ali was thinking, “Do you really think I’m brave?”

Ashlyn kissed the tip of her nose lightly and smiled, “You’re a warrior, Alex.”


	25. Part Two Has Begun

See Part two which has already begun....


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